We left without a goodbye. Reasons, I don't care to remember at this point. I hurt your delicate soul. You were warned too late. I can't even begin an apology letter because I don't deserve your forgiveness.
If you think I am any happier than I was before I met you, you're sadly mistaken. You believe that hand is of another women, no my sweetness.
It is my creators hand. The only person I haven't destroyed because well, how could anyone destroy their own mother..
You fell for a cold-hearted monster, I'm sorry. You didn't deserve any of the pain I gave you, but you took it anyway and let me spoil you more. I believe you deserve what the world has to offer, but my darling, I am not a creature of this planet, I can not give what is not mine.
I would regret it so much if you were to not smile everyday. Because you have a warm heart, a good soul. You were an arctic willow in my garden of darkness.
I'm sorry I couldn't keep you living inside my hollow world of forgotten things.. You are not a stupid girl. In fact, believe me when I say you did the greatest thing by letting this shadow go.
I will forever remember the way I made you feel. Because I could brighten up someone else when I couldn't even brighten myself.
You will always be a stitch in my soul that could never be undone. I am grateful to have meet you, my sweet arctic willow.

I've been more distant tha usual
One word replies
There's an extra effort to make a conversation
And to keep it going
Our good nights are no longer anticipated
We no longer fall asleep on video
Hours at a time
Our everyday convos get shorter and shorter
My want to stay silent grows stronger

There's an extra effort from you to express your love
An extra effort from me to be an cold ***
Guilt rushes in and quickly goes when I don't say I love you back
Distance is my new best friend

You say you know
But you don't know how much I want to be honest
You don't know that the feeling of desire is slowly fading
I won't tell you
I'll just let you assume and guess
I'm getting a bit dreary of this effort
This effort to stay in love

and i know that it's not your fault
that depression takes its toll
and it weighs heavy on your shoulders
but the space between us hurts
i know that your instinct is to
push me away
and shut me out
when things get rough
but i will still be here
wherever you need me to be
because i am not just in it
because of what you have to offer me
i am in it because i think..
i think that i might
have something to offer
and that's why i'm here
offering to just lie next to you
and listen to records
because you don't always feel like talking
i'm here for when you feel like talking
for reassurance and
a warm hug
because sometimes the only thing
that kills loneliness is being wrapped in
someone else's arms
i'm here to make you laugh
and lend you a smile
when that's the last thing you want to do
so know
that i will be here for you
no matter what you decide
if you want distance
even if it stings a little
i will offer you distance
i am not worried
about what it might cost me
because whatever i have to offer you
might just be worth it.

it wasn't your kiss that got me
it was the open hand
that covered, stroked and

allowed for

the white-knuckled fist binding
that broken muscle just below the breastbone