I remember when I was in the hospital and I didn't sleep for two days straight because I swore to god that if I did the demons would step out from under the bed and seep into my head.

I remember when it was three am, and I was shaken awake from the girl three doors down shrieking from the night terrors that her mother embedded into her skull with her fist and a belt when she was eight. But, they were then stored away until she was thirteen years old and a man swore that he'd beat her if she didn't cooperate. So, now they hide during the day, and creep back up when the sun falls.

I remember when I witnessed a boy unintentionally scratch at his skin until he bleed for an hour because the voices inside of his mind told him that if he didn't hurt anyone else, he would just have to hurt himself. and he swears he'd never hurt anyone besides himself.

I remember when I met a girl who had cuts up and down her arms and legs from when her mother told her she'd never survive the world because she isn't good enough. But, I swear to god that she was the strongest person I've ever met.

I remember when my roommate stayed up all night rocking with bloodshot eyes and deep purple circles underneath of them because she swore that if she slept the monsters inside of her head would crawl out and bleed into her soul.

I remember when the boy five doors down hit the wall so hard that it shook the entire unit because he hallucinated a man and a little girl trying to strangle him, and he swore he could feel the noose around his neck.  

even through all of this, for some odd reason teenagers think it's lovely to have deep scars and to hear voices telling them to **** themselves and everyone around them. I swear, nothing is lovely about demons eating at your brain and thoughts.

I remember when it was four am, and I was up weeping from the fact that people think my suffering is lovely.

I can swear to you, it's not.

I bit open a lie and it tasted like you.

Dear T,
You're about 1/4 of a man,
You fried up all your brain cells,
You're lips are formed for lies,
You can't even look me in the eyes,
I may see all your flaws you created within that one week,
But I also see the damage you did to a little 14 year old,
few of them actually.
I bet you feel awesome that she crawls back to each time,
But sweet pea;
She's the reason why everyone could spot your flaws a mile away.
You turned from a blessing to a sin
Dear A,
Who are you to judge?
I'm not perfect, I don't pretend to be.
You talked behind my back,
You claim it was just you blowing off stream,
You're something so fragile but you choose people who would rather smash you to the ground than lock you up and keep you safe.
But now look what you have done.
You're too shattered to be kept away
Dear C,
I regret ever speaking to you.
I regret everything I told you,
I cried on your shoulder and told you to leave me alone,
I was too young for someone like you,
I pushed you against your wall and told you I hated you for what you did to me,
I told you to go away.
I don't need you.
Dear A,
You've changed, maybe for the worst, maybe for the best.
Everyone wants you to be around, everyone misses you.
Where are you now?
Dear TP,
You aren't some note she can wave a flag along and dance around to,
your heart deserves to be kept safe,
in a music box, and only opened when that person feels unsafe.
You deserve to be put in a music box
Dear S,
You're made of poems and lust.
I'm made of running and blood.
I didn't mean for it to seem like a chase,
I didn't mean to hook onto your co worker,
I didn't mean to look you in the eyes and say
"I can't do this because I know you're using me."
But I'm a runner.
And I ran from you
Dear N,
You're a new feeling.
I want you to stay and hold me but I also want to push you away and tell you I'm not worth every night you stare at your wall and count how many ways you could kiss me.
It feels like everyone is screaming for you to walk away, to run, but you're stuck in front of me with your arms stretched wide waiting for me to run into them.
Here we are, listening to people scream nasty things about me and you.
Don't listen to what they say I'm in the love with you.
Dear HM,
You could probably make a grown man fall to his knees the way you smile at nothing,
You could make a child wish they would grow to be just like you the way you talk to others in need,
You could  make the stars blink as you dance around,
You're a special breed of human.
*The kind that should be locked in a museum and gazed at for hours