ive spent my whole life trying to do what you want and trying to make you happy well its no longer about you its about me im going to be happy with him even if it kills you. karma is a ******* all the years ive cried myself to sleep cause of all the things youve called me and years of abuse youll get what you deserve

and over time the hurt may never go away sometimes you gotta deal with the pain sometimes you got to ignore the memories or at least try i had to walk away because i was tired of the pain and the hurt and the crying and the abuse no one will ever realize what we had because they dont understand it they dont see it. you were the first person i have ever loved and without a doubt you werent the last because i know someday i will find that love again i just dont know when or maby i already have hell who knows what the future holds life is ****** up you just got to keep your cool in the good and the bad you gotta learn how to be okay even if your not. i cant sit here and get jealous or even mad because i know that i had you first i know that i let you go and i know that i made the right choice i loved you but you always had your mind on someone else as you were falling for her you were telling me you loved me as you were flirting with her you were holding my hand, but thats okay because in the end i found someoen who made it okay i found someone thats going to make me smile instead of cry

there comes a time when you have to let go no matter how much it hurts… sometimes you have to walk away from the pain thats causeing you to cry at night sometimes you have to learn the truth about people no matter what the truth may be there comes a time in life when you have to quit playing pretend and you have to face reality even though it hurts you have to realize who you are and whats the best choice for you i know it may hurt  but you gotta learn that sometimes in life you dont always get the best and you have to settle for what you got there comes a time you have to focus on whats causing you pain and learning how to get away from it instead of continuing to let it hurt you no matter how bad it breaks your heart you gotta learn how to focus on getting where your going my dream when i was 6 isnt the same now that im 15 life isnt the same as it was when i was a little girl i thought i could handle anything i didnt know the truth know i do and sometimes the truth ***** but you have to learn how to keep your head up… and you gotta learn that its okay to cry. theres people in your life that sometimes theyll stay to wipe your tears away they’ll stay because they care but you have to get rid of the people that are making you cry everday you gotta walk away from the drama thats causing you heartache and hurt. no matter what happens in my future i know its going to be okay what ever may happen i know its going to be alright because at this point i can handle anything because look at where i am and what ive been through.. your supposed to lve your life how you want it not how other people want. because in the end its about what makes you happy. you gotta learn its not always pancakes and waffles sometimes its ****** i just hope in the end i make the right choice and whatever the future holds i hope i accomplish what i wanna accomplish because in the end i want to make a mark on this world so they know i was here at one point

Your dying to be heard, but noone will listen so here you are stuck….. With no where to go or nothing to do. your life is in your bedroom. Your whole life feels like a ****** up story without a description who knew life would be so blair. I wish I were one of those popular people that always had something to do or somewhere to go.I wish I could be the pretty girl that everyone payed attention to. Or everyone wanted to be around. I go to the bathroom getting ready to take a bath and all i can notice as i look down is all off my fat… I hate my face and image I long to look like serena or even blair to be te girl every guy longs for and every girl wants to be I hate how everyone I date tells me Im pretty maby they just say that because they want me to feel like I belong but the problem is I dont belong. Sometimes you have to wake up and face reality. maby your never ging to be as pretty as that girl who guys drool over or as skinny as the bulimic. maby your not going to be as happy as that girl taht just got execepted into harvard. But if you are that girl let me tell you something your one lucky person. Your something I will never be. Maby I will never be that girl. But I dream of it. I want to wear stylish clothes to school and do my makeup and stuff but i cant I dont want to put myself out there. I hate attention from strangers. maby one day I will be on the front of the new york times magazine maby i will be the next serena van der woodsen until then i have to wait and see what comes my way

I've been sitting here staring at the clock on the wall
And I've been laying here praying, praying she won't call
It's just another call from home
And you'll get it and be gone
And I'll be crying
And I'll be begging you, baby
Beg you not to leave
But I'll be left here waiting
With my Heart on my sleeve
Oh, for the next time we'll be here
Seems like a million years
And I think I'm dying
What do I have to do to make you see
She can't love you like me?
Why don't you stay
I'm down on my knees
I'm so tired of being lonely
Don't I give you what you need
When she calls you to go
There is one thing you should know
We don't have to live this way
Baby, why don't you stay
You keep telling me, baby
There will come a time
When you will leave her arms
And forever be in mine
But I don't think that's the truth
And I don't like being used and I'm tired of waiting
It's too much pain to have to bear
To love a man you have to share
Why don't you stay
I'm down on my knees
I'm so tired of being lonely
Don't I give you what you need
When she calls you to go
There is one thing you should know
We don't have to live this way
Baby, why don't you stay
I can't take it any longer
But my will is getting stronger
And I think I know just what I have to do
I can't waste another minute
After all that I've put in it
I've given you my best
Why does she get the best of you
So next time you find you wanna leave her bed for mine
Why don't you stay
I'm up off my knees
I'm so tired of being lonely
You can't give me what I need
When she begs you not to go
There is one thing you should know
I don't have to live this way
Baby, why don't you stay,

I know she's beautiful you don't have to keep telling me, but why are you telling me Im your girlfriend. You don't understand how that makes me feel its jealousy and hatred for myself mixed. I hate myself Im sorry I cant be more like her. No matter how much I try her memory will always be in the back of your mind. Your never going to forget are you? Im trying to mend your broken heart but you wont allow me to help you. I want you to just focus on me, but you cant forget her. When you say you love me do u mean it? If your just going to play games please exit out of my life you don't understand how I feel your always trying to make me mad and say its hot but its annoying and i will end up leaving.............Please just love me like your supposed to

I know I've put you threw hell and Im sorry I broke my promise. I never meant to do what I did.. But i swore to you it would never happen again. you leave me your going to be taking my heart with you. I wanna spend the rest of my life with you and its worth it. You understand how it feels to have your heart broken and smashed and torn and tattered you know how bad it hurts and you promised me you'd never hurt me. Please just stay by my side you are my guardian angel and i don't want that taken. I never thought Id ever fall in love ever again then you came along with your beautiful blue eyes i love you so much.  As he was breaking my heart you were behind me picking up the pieces. you've always been there for me you brought out the true me just don't let go

i want to cry, but for the first time in forever i feel like i dont have a reason to i hope when she tries to hold your hand you pull yours away when she tries to kiss you you'll turn your head i hope when she tries to tell you she loves you u will think of the past and what happened before because know i love you and know i'm with you i'm never going to hurt you but if you want to prove everyone right go ahead and hold her hand go ahead and tell her you love her even though you never meant it because while your doing that i can find someone else who will really loves me see you never know when these guys are lying you never know if he actually loves you guys will tell you almost anything thats why i've already let my guard down I’ve busted the wall at least thats what i'm trying to convince myself is that i don't love you as much as i say i do but deep down i know i'm lying because your my world and if this ends……things will never be the same i feel like your purposely trying to ignore my calls don't you love me? or was you just plying with me and the whole time thinking about her…..?? IM tired of getting hurt so if thats whats going to happy just please leave cause i don't need you just remember if you choose to walk out your giving up your losing the chance to be with someone who loves you instead of lies to you

what if we didn't have to walk down the street and fake a smile?
what if we could all be happy regardless
what if we could go 1 day loving ourselves
no one understands us... because were shy its called social anxiety
no one understands the reason i wear black its because thats how I feel
what if everyone believed in god there would have been no crusades
if everyone was just happy regardless tehre would be no fights
but of course i'm only imagining this thought in my head,because somethings just aren't meant to happen if so it wouldve already

I dont have nightmares at night I live em on a daily. I dont hide under my bed from monsters i walk beside em and it doesnt even faze me just take a walk through my life then you will find the reason why I hurt so much. Do you have any idea what it feels like to be reaching out for help? your screaming and have the feeling theres noone out there. always alone dealing with these demons alone. Ive tried my best to reach out to the heavens above but all I seem to find are days filled with hell. so tonight, just leave me here to bleed. so i can drift and fade away. so I can finally rest my eyes. just leave me alone I dont want to say any last goodbyes. and maby tonight I will finally find some ******* peace.

this is one of the first poems I ever wrote hope you guys like it.

these thoughts are circling in my head like a tornado. the only thing that can keep me sane is the thought of you. I want sleep I want to go one day without the thought of you. but I myself know its impossible.When will I stop lieing to myself saying everything will be okay?? im tired of seeing the dark side of the room no matter how far I try to reach  I cant touch the light of day no matter how loud I scream noone can hear me. Are you even worth fighting for anymore? If I left would you notice my abstince or would you just ignore me? I pick up my pencil I wanted to draw art on myself, who knew drawing could feel so good? im drawing you a picture without description dont worry though it has color. I should stop but it feels amazing. Im letting go because Im not strong enough to keep holding on this is just another battle ive lost to you.

when we wear black were goth no questions asked
when we listen to bands where emo.
we cut were attention seekers.
we talk to one of our friends about whats happining where drama queens.
no matter what we do were judged.
because no one understands we want to be different.

i love the way your hand closes in mine. I love the way you tell me you love me. I love when you call me baby. I love you. Im happy for the life I have been givin. If it werent for you I would possibly be dead. My Mom and I have bettered our lives lets hope it lasts.

wait stop dont talk to me loser lammo wanna be like oh totally

All it took was one look and my heart was sinking, I was running out of breath. I wanted to be just like you. The first kiss was heaven. I was running out of time in a few minutes they would be back. and I would have to pretend that I don't love you. I have to act like your voice doest make me wanna smile. All you did was looked at me. To you it just looks like we're holding hands to me we are flying on a cloud. You mean everything to me I would die just so you could live. Everyone tells me its wrong to love you, but in my mind age is an age and I know for a fact that i love you and I love my girls as well. When they are around I cant smile or anything I cant hold your hand or kiss you. But when the day comes that it isnt illegal **** straight you will be mine.

The first 5 months were heaven it was great you were the only person i payed attention to you were my bestfriend the only person I wanted to hang out with. When i kissed you all i saw was fireworks they were sparks in your eyes and i will never forget the way your hand fit in mine i will never forget our meaningless conversations. 8 months into it i wanted to hang out with my friends you said
No! I didnt want to wear camo anymore i wanted to wear black you said no i wated to wear makeup you said no. i wanted to my hair you said no!.  i wanted to be a normal teen girl and be happy you said no i said i wanted to cut you said i will leave you i said its over you said not unless i say so. i said i wanted to die you said you dont have the strength i said im giving up you said fine with me i was loyal you cheated. i wanted love instead found lust. i said i was ugly you hit me. we argued my parents blamed me. you spreaded rumors and lies and i said its not true. I slowly gave up and left now i feel better bigger and stronger know i want you to leav my life but you probably never will.

Im secretly in love, No one can know. When you tell me you love me make sure no one is around. Don't hold my hand when its daylight. Don't kiss him where everyone can see. I keep my feeling on how I feel about you on the inside, because I know that if I let it out it will cause a lot of trouble. When you look at me I feel like I'm going to die. When you tell me you love me I wonder If you really do mean it. I hate it when I'm about to go to sleep I roll over where you would be laying and your not there. I miss you so much when I cant see you. your so beautiful. I cant keep you off of my mind for nothing. I love when you call me beautiful or say you love me. I love the way you hold my hand in yours. I love the way you touch your lips to mine. I love how you don't care about others opinions.  I know you've been hurt, but I can make you forget. When I imagine our future together I see us growing old together. I'm going to be an awesome mom to our kids I promise. I cant wait till the day I can walk down the street with you holding your hand. I cant wait till the day when another girl looks at you and I can say this guy is mine. I cant wait till I spend the rest of my life with you. but for now its a secret.

how can you expect me to be okay? I cant smile I cant laugh it seems impossible to be happy or to smile I feel like my heart is breaking on the inside. I seen you around in the hallways all the time, but I would've never imagined you were hurting. know Ive heard you killed yourself tied a rope around your neck. Ive known you for so many years who would've known your funeral is today but I don't want to go but I know I should. youve taught me so much Ive thought about suicide a lot and I cant help but to think that could be me. Its hard to sleep because before I go to sleep  I imagine you hanging from that rope. I want to take something to help the pain. a million people are there for me but i feel alone I have numerous answers I know that i was never there for you kassidy but know i want to be there cause you were facing things I couldnt probably imagine. R.I.P Kassidy Michele King fly high baby girl you will always and forever be in my heart

she was screaming for help on the inside, but smiling out the outside she was like a flower dying but she still looked like she was shining bright she couldnt keep living so she left with a smile on her face. now noone knows how you feel you cant sleep because you have flashbacks even though you didnt see it. you imagine it. you hardly noticed her. but you had conversations with her and know your hurt because of her and you feel like you dont know how to get through it. you put your head down because you dont want to see the world you dont want to see people being happy because you know thats its only going to hurt you a million people say that theyre there but no matter what im always going to feel alone. because noone understands the thoughts that are continuosly going through my head

she sits in the back of the class she never raises her hand to comment she always silence so u assume she is okay she doesnt want people to know so she fakes a smile she cuts herself she doesnt want to eat she wants to give up her feelings are drowning underwater just a few days she was hppy now today shes gone gone but never forgotten you will be missed by the freshman class of 2019 dearly fly hight kassidy god recieved another beautiful angel...

all your life people has been telling you not to talk to this person or that person but who knew the transgender girl was going to be your best friend. and she was going to be the only person that would stand up for you when you were a little kid god was your best friend you talked to him every night before you went to bed who knew you was going to grow up and wonder if he was real. when you were little you heard your parents say that gays or transgenders were going to hell but who knew you were going to grow up and be gay?? I guess my story started in 7th grade because I wanted to explore but I was scared because I knew that my parents would hate me who knew that know it doesn't even phase me when they say something about it because I am who I am you heard your parents yell and scream about gays or transgenders untill they were red in the face. they never gave them a chance they never put their selves in there position I looked up to my dad he was racist against black people and mexicans he hated gays and transgenders, thats how I grew up but I chose my lifestyle and I chose a diffrent path i accept everyone i remember when I was little their was a show on about transgenders i was six I was interested in it because I didnt understand so I had to sneak to watch it. what was the big deal if he wanted to be a girl it doest matter who you fall in love with. love is love

these lies are dancing in front of me like a bad dream my mind is fumbling to be seen maby one day i will be free from the pain so i wont hurt anymore one day i wont have to be suspicious about my surroundings but until that day comes i will sit in the dark and draw pictures