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Hannah C May 2014
go home to someone who hates you
carry your soul in the pit of your stomach
round belly full of wounds
bloated baggage marks that stretch across palesoft landscape
heavy breathing climb the stairs
1 flight
2 flight
flying
blocking
clotting
spotting
feeling
*****
morning sickening stares at you across the hall
narrowed looks
disappointing friends of foes
holding on to soft tissues
misuse everything
in sight sighing
weezing
coughing
coughing
up
blood
gushing
pouring
draining
empty
hollow
scabbed baby come and went
infant crying past the monitor
sleep through it
sleep all night
pregnancy scarred scared child of no one
orphaned feelings
aborted feelings
empty in the best of ways
no one’s inside to let you in
up the steps
to the door
ring the bell

home to someone who hates you
Hannah C May 2014
I whisper “I hate you”
Into the small of your back
So you can carry my anger
In between your shoulder blades
Let it fill your pores like ****
So I can rub it out with tiger balm
Every night.
Hannah C May 2014
When you love something
Set it free

If it doesn’t go
Push it down the stairs
Love comes at a purple cost
perfect loss
Hannah C May 2014
I saw my bruises on my knees sitting naked in the bathtub with the shower on
You showed me yours-we matched
I was purple where you pushed me and my knees hit the bannister
I missed the stairs by that much.
You were red and scabbed where your knees hit the carpet when you collapsed
when it hit you that you hit me
We still hated each other
Spitting acid from our tongues
We threw words for years-intent to hit
But that was the first time
Any one of us threw fists in the forms of palms
We always talked about it
4AM November morning? evening? night?
The hours blur together
through slinging slurs of fire I can still feel them on my skin
chemical burns-you had a way with words
“useless ****” is carved into my forearms
and across my chest
it will scab over and you will pick it off
Eventually
With sentences strung together out of decency
The honesty I wanted to believe
We were throwing punches with our mouths
the way the words just rolled out
“You’re ******* crazy” just sort of felt
like the right thing to say
To cut a little deeper than I had to
This battle was purely literally
Well recorded over facebook chat bubbles-incoming text messages
too late-too early phone calls that say:
“You’re a ******* liar-
I can’t believe this-
I love you-
come back.”
But it hit you that you hit me
and my knees were purple for a week

— The End —