Loving her to me
Simply not just a feeling
But, a way of life

Chasing the wind

Alone I am with my torments,
My thoughts
Assessing the destinations of my heart
Despite her words , I still find myself chasing " us "
waves upon waves  of effort
In the form of creative ways of showing my affection
Yet futile,
For as desperately as I try to gain on her preoccupied heart,
The distance
It stays the same
no matter the effort ,
Miles and miles , or just a mere arms length,
Still just out of my reach,
Like that star at the end if the universe
Or that butterfly just beyond the the tips of my fingers
She always seems to be just far enough away
To keep an " us " from forming
For some time now
seemingly forever ....just over the horizon
Or just past  the trees
That hope filled ray of sunshine ,
Just beyond the clouds
Always just far enough away.
For me to finally realize
I am perpetually,
simply just
Chasing  after the wind ......

" beautiful "

I've seen the landscapes painting the surface of the country mountains in the spring , through the reflection if the sun.
And the opal glow in the midnight moon , off the freshly fallen snow ,
The rainbow in a waterfall , underneath a sapphire sky in the summer , some of the most naturally beautiful experiences ,for ever the eyes to see.
Gods grace among us ,
But and then I see your smile , the purest symbol of everything that's " right" in my world.
The key to my heart ,
the river of blood flow, my reason for being, the morning star to which my world orbits ,
my perfection ,
in the middle if the universe ,to which I live , you .
All that is beautiful , to the depths if my hearts content ,
All that is adorable ,
all their is to ever desire ,
all their is to ever love,
starts , and ends ,
and rests within your loving smile ,
No one can ever experience beautiful
Until they've experienced you !!
I love you my sweet sweet angel

What now ?

I look at the wind blown ripples in the surface of the sand
A dry model of the face of the  very ocean it boarders
Pages upon pages of heartfelt verses I wrote to you .
Tides of emotions , tokens of a moment dedicated to thoughts of our love.
For me the gratitude of knowing I found yet another way to show  you just how much I love you.
What now ?
Just like in the face of the sand,
Footprints ,
your footprints ,Remnant now
As you chose to walk all over my love and dismiss all that I am
And chalk it off
Into a mere " memory "
cold and emotionless those odes
Now as worthless as the sand you've walked on .
You are the one that gave the life to the works
The inspiration
What now ?
Like a handful of ashes  , the fire spent
Pieces of my heart , ignited by the burning affection that had resided at the core of my soul since forever , each and every ode
Sent to you, afire
A piece if me , that loved you
Unconditionally
Spent , burned out , laid to rest
What now ?
Did you even realize the deep rooted affection , woven into each line ?
Could you tell that the author loved you with all his heart ?
Or did it just simply not matter ?
Just words ?
I look into the pile of pages
All the hours , days , and moments.
Spent " into you "
Did you ever really love me ?
What do I do with all of those pieces of my heart ?
I gave them to you ? For you
And now I look back upon them,
Hundreds
Just laying there
Discarded , laden with your footprints
Everything we shared , just a painful reminder , of what was ,
And what will never be
A spent heart , a pile of letters
With no other purpose but you,
And sobbing ,
I think to myself
" what now ? "

It's been so long since I've penned of the fading images my heart still continues to conjure . Like the magic mirror on the wall that has that has slowly clouded into the unknown , no longer are we in the reflection of my tomorrow's , my heart stretches with the pain of emptiness to that tightness that wrestles to free itself from my torso , for the love of my life has become nothing  more than an apparition of haunting memories of what used to be , finding me everywhere , because I saw her in everything their was , the sun still rises and sets , but no longer in her smile , the stars remind me of her sparkling eyes that like the mirror , the love has since faded . Trying to forget her is like remembering I never loved her at all , impossible , loneliness has never felt so crowded , and although I should accept it,bow my head and walk away , I find myself trying to cradle the faded memories just as futile as trying to hold the ocean itself . The moments I used to capture in the form of an ode, have become more distant with each passing tomorrow , leaving fewer memories to fill the expanding hole that now grows ever so bigger in my heart ...
I miss her , and I love her still ...

No way to measure

No distance ever fathomed
Even light years away
Like the elusive horizon
Always
Just out of reach
Or a circle
that never ends.
No ocean depth, or density
Could ever harness
what I'm holding
Amidst the beating walls
Of my heart
Which  always
says your name .
I've often wondered
Even to the limits
of my imagination
their is nothing that can clasp,
Or even comprehend,
The way I feel about you.
All the love that was ever conjured
By all the people In the world
Is but a drop in the ocean
in the universe of my love.
All my love ,all my love, my love,
Their is no way to capture just how I feel for you
It ever will be
Yes, my love,
the only thing more vast
than the universe,
Is the love, I hold for you
Simply put my love
I love you
"Infinity squared "

So deep are the lies, that they aren't even lies at all , but actually the truth about yourself ,
that your afraid of knowing !

the heart, is the canvas to which the poet paints "

Forgetting her

Trying to forget her is like trying to have not loved her at all, for everything around me reminds me of her , the radio torments me on a daily routine , I awaken to the chatting birds only to be reminded that she is not laying beside me , as id open my eyes to her sleeping face amidst there song ...... the summer breeze still carries the scent of her hair , and the budding flowers make me think of her beauty , my dreams have become nightmares with the knowing that ill wake up and she will be gone , my heart has gone from an anticipatory gallop to a lost lonely stroll echoing inside it's  hallow walls, for she had become so much apart of my everything , that its impossible to forget her without going back in time , and unliving it , for my heart is truly broken , and I miss her with the pieces , and I wonder if I will ever love like that again , and if anyone will ever love her like I did ....

The glistening wind lowers itself like a blanket on to the tiny blades of the grass.
I shade my eyes from the sun.
As if my tiny hands compared to the sun could cloak the truth underneath the omnipresence of this morning star.
Sometimes the hardest things to see are the ones that are in plain sight.
Shrouded by emotions we choose to let lead us as we roam through our existence .
for there is no shade in the shadows , and no place to hide from the sun,
it can make your eyes tear, just like the truth does sometimes.
there is no hiding from that either.

I loved you

Before the moon took
Its first ride in the sky
Before those stars
Even opened their eyes

I loved you

Before the sunrise ever
Made its first dawn
Or that morning dew
Ever dampened the lawn

I loved you

Before the ocean
Went and greeted the shore
I had already known
It was you , I adore

I loved you

Before the world
Was to orbit the sun
My love for you was
Already begun

I loved you

Before infinity
And the beginning of time
Its was already determined
You were to be mine

I loved you

So no matter what else
You know to be true
Before their was anything
I've ALWAYS loved you

I love , love , love you

under the moon

standing next to you under the moon
i see its reflection off your face , and i just smile
my eyes , gazing upon you telling a story
without uttering a single word
glowing hair , porcelain skin
you “feel me” without a single touch
and perhaps , you too will fall under the spell of the moolight
your eyes answer back again without a word
you join me in this unfolding story
weather were walking  the bordwalk
or strolling the glistening shore
waiting for that “moment “
as if fated hands and the gravitating force of romance
draws our lips , invisible force ,nudging until……
without a word ,now………
embraced in a kiss
two hearts , enchanted under the moon, joined on the lips
a story unfolds …….

under the moon

She sees him through the wall
The wall she built layered in the distances she put between them
frosted over moments painted with the coldness of a selfish heart
He desperately tried to save them
But she always knew
She didn't wanna be saved
He rode in on a stallion named loyalty
On a wave known as affection
He loved her only , and always
But it wasn't enough
Bit by bit he handed her is heart
And in the end he kept trying to just hold on
This was his love of a lifetime
but he was just " a " love in hers
The flowers , the notes , and letters ,
Drawings , and dates remembered
To him were special
To her , just another stone , hardened over in the coldness of her heart.
She broke him,
The wall finally met his eye
He could see now it was only him trying to save " them"
She was indifferent
He traded " loyalty " for "hopeless"
And prays  she at least realized what shes done.
He loved her with all he was ,
And she let him ride away
All she has left is the wall she built
Layered and laden with frosted over memories
Of all the times he tried to make " them " special.
And she just tossed them aside....
Because her " life didn't need to change "

Moon

We  gaze upon the evening moon I And I wonder how many sets of eyes are doing the same at this very moment ? and how many places that sphere of lofty light  has  managed to bring itself to in the eyes of another ,how many stories has it found it's way into ? thats when i come to realize that it's not just hovering up there there for me....... it to belongs to those other  many sets of eyes are gazing along with me at this very moment , That calming romantic illumination.......tranquil ...., just resting amidst the midnight canvas , romantic.......... How  many marriage proposals were recited beneath that same  glowing  mass of enchanting mystery ? how many first kisses ?or first times ?......and how many other tales were conjured within the imaginations of fellow writers ?, how many hearts has it  shown its enchanting glow ? how many places has it found its way into from  its majestic perch aloft the heavens ,?.......guiding the midnight archers , and keeping time , since the beginning ......no the moon is not mine , but it lends its presence to me and countless others , for just moments such as this , an evening under the moon .

I didn't just lose
The girl I was in love with
I also lost the girl
I've loved all
Along
Because now
I see the girl
You really are
And my image of you
Is
Shattered !

Worlds away 

I've so often tried to reach you 
But distances hold their ground 
Your agenda seems to have its own agenda 
You smell your own flowers 
But never walk though the garden with me 
You sup from the chalice if your own  correlation 
But never hand me a drink 
You gaze at your own set of stars 
And never relish in our romance 
You mock my expression of affection 
In search of your own 
A lifetime wasted 
Living where you were , and never 
Where you were going 
Worlds away 
Distant shores , within the same troubled ocean 
Futile attempts , dreams of us 
Nothing but a lie 
But still I tried to shorten the distance 
Whittle away at the miles , 
Odes , loyalty , honesty and affection 
Maybe walk under the same stars 
Drink from the same cup 
I've tried , 
I've traveled , I've loved 
But your still 
Worlds away ..........

Wait !?
Is that ......
I can't believe it ....
I see , I see the ...
LAWN !!

your love
gave me my wings
with you i could fly
without you
they’ve shed
ive crashed
and ive
died

She is
She is
She makes the evening sky into a garden of stars in a bed of black,
glistening with all the " I love you's" uttered from my lips as if echoed in a breeze from heaven, in the whisk of my thoughts of her that never seem to escape my mind.
She is my enchantment.
days with her are sunshine , and rainbows in the storm, 
Blinded by her affection I've learned to see things through my heart, and hear things in my soul.
As her very kiss brings animation to all their is around me.
I can see the weeping willow smile, and hear the thunder laugh.
Her eyes capture my tomorrow's dreams , and she is my forever.
She is my love .

"I wonder If she'll ever know , she'll never know another love like mine , and I'll never know another love at all "

You were the reason

You were the reason I smiled in the morning ,the reason to the bounce in my step like walking on the moon , and then to gaze upon it and watch it glow even brighter.
You were the reason my heart flows like a waterfall thrashing into my stomach every time you were around, the collision if that rolling affection into the river if my insides that has been drawn to you forever.
I didn't just stop to smell the flowers , we lived hand in hand in the garden together.
You were the reason the sunsets rolled like a crimson orange waves reaching out to the stratosphere , and the realization that tomorrow would bring another day to love you more,
Your love was never just about being my love ,
It was a reason ,for a way of life ......

Her love made every day seem like Christmas to me

Word play

You were the reason I could never stop looking ,
now your the reason Ill never look again.
You are the reason I knew something was missing.
because without you ,
there was always something I missed.
I've come realize love is the reason,
Because without you ,
I have no reason to love.

Im sorry

You wanted to dip your toes in the stream
Instead you got an ocean of affection
You wanted to hear someone tell you they loved you
Instead you got a song
You wanted someone to share in their life
Instead your now the life that I share.
You never wanted your life to change
But you changed my life forever
You thought you could kiss me and then it would be over ,
But I want it over and over again.
You wondered if I'd ever notice ,
And now you notice I've been looking all along.
You wanted someone you could be proud of
And I'm so proud to call you mine.
You wanted a taste
I wanted the meal
You hoped for a moment
I'm hoping for a lifetime
You wanted to be someone's only love ,
And with me I love you only
You wanted times of romance , I wanted to romance you all the time .
You didn't want to be my everything
But your eventing I've always wanted .
All I wanted to do was love you all the time , and you just wanted a time for love .
And as I look back now I see , all the things I gave you , I never gave you what you asked ......
Instead if a whole heart , its your heart that makes me whole
I'm sorry

Wish for tomorrow

In adolescence I chased after the tomorrow's
Anticipation , of what was on the other side if the evening sky
Or maybe even the decade ,
The future ,
Full of wishes , in the eyes of a child
Never takes a Notice to the face in the mirror
Not realizing we are wishing our existence away ......
Until one day you find yourself in one of those many tomorrow's
Wishing you could go back to yesterday .
The face in the mirror aged and ashen ,
Now longing for yesterday
Lost loves , and care free times
Anticipation of that first kiss
Sadness from that first heartbreak
The night before you met your one true love
Afraid of the future
Missing the past
Wishes now .....
To live in a memory
Time machine set to the past ,
Avoiding the future
Another tomorrow
Greater the distance from all the when's
A greater distance from my " life "
I'm afraid of tomorrow
I miss the past
I don't like the mirror
It reminds me if what Is left to come
As I reminisce of what's left behind
I fear the future , relish the past
Especially........
those moments I used to spend with you .....

Brokenhearted memories
are like a withered rose,
once beautiful ,
but still laden,
with pain.