She is
She is
She makes the evening sky into a garden of stars in a bed of black,
glistening with all the " I love you's" uttered from my lips as if echoed in a breeze from heaven, in the whisk of my thoughts of her that never seem to escape my mind.
She is my enchantment.
days with her are sunshine , and rainbows in the storm, 
Blinded by her affection I've learned to see things through my heart, and hear things in my soul.
As her very kiss brings animation to all their is around me.
I can see the weeping willow smile, and hear the thunder laugh.
Her eyes capture my tomorrow's dreams , and she is my forever.
She is my love .

Rain

Gentle kisses , like raindrops I shower her with my affection
The clouds close like window shades and block out the gaze of the sun,
The only light is the glistening in her eyes fueled by the burning desire we share together.
Our lips dipped in raindrops our own special nectar , so savory the taste , we can only devour.
Enveloped in the rain , enveloped in each other, saturated  in love,
The rain hypnotic , our vertical blanket as we make love with our mouths, stuck to one another,bodies being massaged by those liquid sheets ,unable to harness the passionate heat that nearing the critical mass of desire,the waiting explosion, that is undoubtably immanent
the catalyst , cocooned in the showers , locked in an embrace joined  in our kiss , lost in the moment, we " make out " in the rain !

Yesterday's Dreams

She rode in over the horizon on a chariot dipped in memories , and a horse named "Yesterday's Dreams".
On a wave wave of innocence
That formed a bridge out of the face of the clouds.
I look to her with the eyes of the young man that saw her first .
And for a moment , the sun , the moon , and the earth ,
Reverse .
To catch up with the decades old dream.
That seems to be rolling in over the horizon
And into the heart of a dreamer.

" resistance creates its own futality on tomorrow's that will never be "

Echoes in the stairwell

The heart murmurs
quiet voices
Like echoes in a stairwell
To a yearning soul still trying to hold on,
forgotten yesterday's
unfulfilled tomorrow's.
Moments in a dream,
or dreams lived,
into a moment.
haunting proclamations
Seeming  to carom off the walls of my very insides ...
Like echoes in a stairwell
So real sometimes ,
I find myself  looking over my shoulder.
Or my heart seems to freeze ,
then explode
splashing the  " tinglies ,throughout my entire body.
The whisper of her name
stops me in my gait
The utterance of her voice
Just a figment of the mind
It captivates
It undulates
but its simply just not real
But in my mind ......
Like my soul
I hear them , and wish it were
Because I still hear them .....
like echoes,
Echoes  in the stairwell

All the odes are gone
Like a dying star that has burned  up all its passion,
lighting a world that didn't appreciate its existence
Maybe because they just always were ......
All the odes are gone
Once an isle enveloped in affection
Slowly with each ebbing of the tide
The sea has reclaimed the creative soul,
back into the depths of her indifference
setting the island free....
All the odes are gone
What used to rain forth words,
Like a waterfall in Eden
From the tongue of my beating heart
Now just quenched with the bitter taste of indecision
Now reigns empty
Perhaps now , she may notice
All the odes are gone

I was trying
to win her over ,
but she was trying
to win him back

Look at me now

I know what you all used to think
I was so small
Thick skinned and shy
I had high hopes
And you ignored me
I still have my eyes on that star
Still reaching
Kicked into the dirt
Left alone
Rejected
Left to fester in my own dreams
I dug in deep
Weathered the storms
Grew stronger
From the inside out
I grew
Still reaching for the heavens
You all thought I wouldn't amount to much at all.
A hardened heart
Distant memories
Cold winters , stifling summers
The rejection unbearable
Yet hear I am
A lifetime later
And you are yesterday's gone
now you find yourself resting
Resting at my feet
Looking past me to the heavens
And daydream with me
Underneath me
I still have my dreams
I represent life
To you I am immortal
Ill be here long after your gone
Even though you left me
Look at me now
I'm not that little acorn
Anymore ......

Wait !?
Is that ......
I can't believe it ....
I see , I see the ...
LAWN !!

We're at work

She has no idea
how she seduces me with her movements
gesturing her upper body
While she harmonizes with the radio
the vibrato  of her voice
caresses my ears
like feathers of a dove
oblivious to my gaze
however ,
In my mind
I am dancing with her
her rolling shoulders
hypnotize  my thoughts
she sits at her cubicle and yet
For me
She's performing , for my imagination
Enticing my attention
I sit behind her
Yet in my daydream we are face to face ,
In my daydream she knows
I'm watching
In my daydream , she's performing just for me.
In my daydream were not at work.
She has no idea I'm watching.
She's in her own little world , and id love to join her.
But we're at work !

What if snowflakes are just angel seeds being sprinkled abroad ?

Book of odes

Left over in the corner
Dust ridden yet cherished
Torn between touching it
And letting it go
Full of my heart
Yet baron
So may times
My fingers have grazed the rim
Gently
Like caressing the ridges
Of a flower petal
Flower petals yes ....
How often we press them between the pages
My flower petals
I've blown off the dust
Feel its aura stir up the butterflies
still in my heart
My life
A life I'm no longer living
Yet I still can't let go
She's there
" we " are there
I put it back down
I can't re live the love
Not without the pain.
It was her book of odes
Penned in my blood
from my loving heart.
Where it still seems to reside
Within the walls of the binder
It hurts to much to remember
Those words
Songs from my soul.
Left over , in the corner.
Cherished and estranged .

Broken hearted memories,
like shadows ,
always,
over your shoulder ,
In your ear
right behind you ,
unescapable
Always touching you
Somewhere

Everywhere

She's in every crossword
She haunts the radio
she's in my mind, memories blurred
Cant help but chase her shadow

I feel my heart still palpitate
With just the utterance of her name
All my life , to her , I'd gravitate
For no one else, i feel the same

She's in the stars, for each an ode
Under the moon I'd weep
I think of all the " I love you's " told
And I cry myself to sleep

She's in every, unoccupied thought
I can't help but to endear
But despite all this, its all for naught
Because she's everywhere, but here .

"Every unoccupied thought
Seems to find its way
To her "

Reclaiming "myself "

It's been so long since,
I bathed in the pool of my  imagination.
The place where my thoughts turn, into words ,
I choose to pen.
I could swim in a garden of wildflowers.
Close my eyes and imagine the universe ,
And wonder,
Wonder if,
my entire existence is just a thought process in someone else rationale.
What if the universe itself , is buried inside someone's mind.
Its been so long since I've held my breath, and dove deeper,
opened my eyes and inhaled.
Take in my surroundings ,
Hear the muffled voice of my beating heart.
Da dum da dum da dum....
Washing away,
those the memories of hurt.
I used to swim in "our " affection , never needing to look further for an ode .
Now she's gone , those waters stagnate.
I had gotten so used to swimming in milk and honey.
I was lost.
Now on the threshold of my own existence.
The pith of my creativity
My Nebula
The time to jump in again.
Swim in my own correlation of ink.
Yes...
Its been so long since I've bathed in my imagination

Remnants of the scars

Stronger than steel
And sharper than the saber it had formed.
Explosive , nearly deadly , and debated.
Leaving Scars....
Scars etched under the skin and lasting beyond forever.
Weapons ?
Stabbing , striking , bludgeoning , no age restriction on this arsenal.
Concealed ?
No need , I'm sure everyone has one.
The remnant mar itself,  
more painful than the wound it came from.
The genesis of all aggression
An instant to apply , and a lifetime to master.
If not handled cautiously
If let slip
Such a cherished understanding of everything that is meaningful can disintegrate.
A paradox ,
A tiny wound ?
A gaping blow ?
For do we ever really comprehend the force of our words ?, the pain they can induce? and the internal scars that may never subside ?
Some of the most grievous scars , are the ones we can't even see !
The deadliest weapon ever known
Utterances of the tongue
Words
And the remnants of the scars!

Linen walls

A little nook
Pillows shaped into a shell almost as if the walls of a peanut
Enough to hide a full grown person
A fortress of sorts , a safe haven
A shield to the gripping fingers of a days turmoil
A place to burrow
A linen cocoon
The threshold of your dreams
A " foxhole"
Nestled away from the outside world
Covers up to my neck
I let the walls envelop me
I close my eyes and immerse my being into this nocturnal abyss
And fool myself into being safe from my conscious
As I drift myself off to sleep
In my own little dream capsule
Forged in the face of the comforters
and braced by the walls of the pillows
Until the paddles of dawn row their way through the moat of now " yesterday's " perils.
At least for the night I was behind my linen walls.
Enveloped in a shroud uninhabited thought
With the hopes of a painless sleep ........

Linen walls

A little nook
Pillows shaped into a shell almost as if the walls of a peanut
Enough to hide a full grown person
A fortress of sorts , a safe haven
A shield to the gripping fingers of a days turmoil
A place to burrow
A linen cocoon
The threshold of your dreams
A " foxhole"
Nestled away from the outside world
Covers up to my neck
I let the walls envelop me
I close my eyes and immerse my being into this nocturnal abyss
And fool myself into being safe from my conscious
As I drift myself off to sleep
In my own little dream capsule
Forged in the face of the comforters
and braced by the walls of the pillows
Until the paddles of dawn row their way through the moat of now " yesterday's " perils.
At least for the night I was behind my linen walls.
Enveloped in a shroud uninhabited thought
With the hopes of a painless sleep ........

Spoken

Gentle as the lips there speaking for
Mere presence ,a precious ode
Deep in wisdom, of a souls whispers.
A corner of a humbled abode

And while ,Alone,it wields a smile
But when it's not, it will bring forth tears.
The start of an enchanted evening
Or A final goodbyes stamp of sincere.

Weather it's love, regret , or sorrow.
On your wrist, your chest or hair
It's refection will remind you,
Of someone's affection, there.

Every language it is spoken
Universally , and " just because"
No better way to express a feeling
Than a group of flowers does!

" I'll dream if the dreams I used to dream, when she was the dream I dreamed"
I miss you

Castaway

I've finally loosed the anchor
And let ....
What once was the sea of affection that used to envelop the island.
Well now , now
Its an ocean of broken heartedness,
I let go of the island ...
I let go,
succumb to the unknown
The hardest part is not looking back
Hoping she's waiving me back,
But she won't,
My Eden , the place I rested my heart
Infested with indifference.
My tears ?
They  have no affect on the already vast ocean they are spilling into ,
Only marring my reflection
I wonder how many other tears are here ,
How many distorted reflections ?
Just like her truths.
I bow  my head , let the wind waltz with the waves
My heart, a lonely sailboat
And she is the fading memory
In the distance now.
It was so hard , but I did it
Finally !
I let go
And let the elements carry me into tomorrow

Empty shell

Sparks had shattered through the air,
under the bellows of a thunderous explosion ,
the sudden relief of a building tension.
We were
I held on to her
My heart dense with affection
Just like the lead projectile
That speared through the atmosphere
She's gone
just like a discharged cartage
I lay worthless
Baron ,
An empty shell
Cast aside, of no further use
The fire inside , dissipated through the barrel of indifference
My heart roams aimlessly ,
Eventually, it  will succumb to gravity,
Fall to the ground,lost
my affection
Nothing more than an empty shell
A discharged round of ammo
Laying in top of the dirt
With nothing left to give.
I put it all into her
Now she's gone
And I'm but an empty shell

Will she ?

Will she hear the gentle breeze ,
And think it was her name uttered through my distant lips,
A galaxy full of whispered " I love you's " sealed by her name , I used to encompass my day with.
Will her mind ever wander , to one of the may odes I used to create , bathing her in affection , laying steps,
Leading  to the pedestal I had set out  for her.
Will she miss being the center of someone's affection , now that its gone completely , only to relish in the storms if a past that was just as moody as the month of march.
Never to be wrapped in the cocoon , my arms , my affection, will she feel even the slightest bit unprotected without me ?
Will she look to all the beautiful things I used to compare her to?
Feel my love amidst the roses , and the pain on the thorns ?
Will flowers bring back how gently I touched her ,,
The porcelain brushes if my fingers , or lips to her skin as to me she was as fragile as she was beautiful.
Will she miss the comfort of knowing she was never reality alone , as long as she had my love?
I was just an outreach away
My love ,
She was always alone in the mirror, but her mirror was my Eden , just her.
Will she ever " get it "
She'll never know another love like mine, and ill never know another love ,
And I wonder if she will ever "know" at all ?

no, you didn't ruin my life,
you ruined "me" instead

The glistening wind lowers itself like a blanket on to the tiny blades of the grass.
I shade my eyes from the sun.
As if my tiny hands compared to the sun could cloak the truth underneath the omnipresence of this morning star.
Sometimes the hardest things to see are the ones that are in plain sight.
Shrouded by emotions we choose to let lead us as we roam through our existence .
for there is no shade in the shadows , and no place to hide from the sun,
it can make your eyes tear, just like the truth does sometimes.
there is no hiding from that either.

the truth is like the sun, you can't seem to hide from it , and they both can bring tears to your eyes when you see the light

The reason

A truest friend , an inspiration for all that is good in the world , she's held a piece of my heart for as long as I can remember ,
A reason to love at all ,
Her fingerprints are on the seeds.
Planted by her wisdom , fertilized with direction.
She,
She ,churned the creativeness into my soul by her example.
Her own blood courses through my veins, as she watches the gardens I have created with my words.
Landscapes , paintings , travels.
Sunshine and storms.
Nourished from the roots embedded from the foundation she had instilled within me.
For she is the reason I can write , she is the reason I can see the good in all there is.
She is the reason I have hope.
For without her , I just simply would not be.
I close my eyes and prepare to pen again , paint another world , another scene , another story , and give thanks to the reason i can ,
through love and heartbreak , highs and lows ,
She was always there ,
She is always there
Different words , and different times, decades later
She sees herself in my world,
She is the reason ,
Planted seeds , and simply passed along ,
A writer
A mother , to her son

"I wonder If she'll ever know , she'll never know another love like mine , and I'll never know another love at all "

Napkin

I see the discarded paper napkin burrowed  on the floor amidst a pile of other useless *******  , its purpose exhausted , the lips,it had been brushed against no longer have  the desire for its use , what once laid atop the table outstretched, and always eagerly available  , but never noticed unless it was called upon , or if it wasn't around , it had given its entire being, just  to serve for someone  , and all it had received for making itself available at a moments notice , is a lonely place on the floor next to the trash can , a crumpled ball of discarded nothing , tossed away without even a thought , no more lips to touch,or fingers to caress , just a worthless napkin , alone .....,except for the rest if the trash .......... and as I contemplate my thoughts  , I keep thinking to myself ...and then ,say out loud ,
" I know, how you feel " ........

Breath

Suffocating amidst her absence and yet now able to breathe
Yet in still drowning in grief ,
I inhale the void she left behind with her indifference.
Indifference, what took me to the now .
Although she needed both hands to hold my heart , she could not free them both to grasp it.
Despite her name inscribed on its walls, she couldn't get her initials off the other, to handle mine.
I don't wanna hurt anymore.
Tears amass in the pit of my stomach ,
Bottled up dreams disappearing into the eye of the whirlpool trembling in my gut.
As I too tried to hold in against the current.
But I grew tired , tired if trying to hold in to something that didn't wanna stay.
I stopped struggling  
She let me go
Only to implode into my own peril as I let the eddy pull me under.
No more , do I sit in wonder
From the commitment she couldn't keep.
I find myself drowning with her indecision
And suffocating , now that she has.
My heart can't stay afloat in pieces
And she let go of my heart, because of a heart she couldn't let go of .

Writers block

Just like the closing of a curtain between scenes
I shut my eyes ,
Like a blanket over my head buried on a pillow waiting for a dream.
Anywhere
Anywhere I wanted to go , an it was so.
My muse , my imagination ?
, the flowing river of ink that filters itself through my soul every time i take my pen to the parchment.
Moods ? Seasons ?
I wonder ,
the summer brings the feistiness , the bellowing crackles of thunderous echoes that sound like century old trees crumbling in the forest , along with the stabbing extremities, if the clouds scratching the surface of the ground in the form of lightning.
The springtime ,
I close my eyes again
Pandora's spectrum ,
where I " paint " my words in animation , and " budding hopes ", dreams aspiring romances ,
calasdiacopic brush strokes
second only to autumn
Still vibrantly colored , but fading , where hope may start to show signs of weakening, and recollection seems to carry pain , perhaps graven insight disappointing realty
, and the aforementioned colors slowly ages into a grayness, that acts as the threshold to the cold
A bridge , another blink
The coldness of  a rejection
As the heart of a loved one freezes over .
winter,
lost loves, and stagnant springs, here , where the flowing juices of creativity seem to freeze ,
My muse ?
Perhaps just like the winter gone ,
Hibernation
Winter in "writers land " the seasons if a creative soul full circle, where I can only " hope " she will return from her slumber invigorated.
Thawing into the springtime
Freeing a soul from slumber,
Making its way back , to flowing freely ,
Creative thoughts
back ,
back to the parchment ,
as writers block has woken in another  spring
Hey , that's " one " explanation ....

collateral damage
Broken ,
i look at the shards of mirror
A lifetime shattered into instances
laden in heartbreak of broken memories
bloodstained fingerprints
walk in vain across the surface
In futility
desperate attempts to mend a broken heart,
But stabbed again, by the edges of infidelity
Slicing ridges , reminders  , of those painful memories
Corralling the few wonderful ones
each splinter of glass,
holds yet another series of events , in the story of a lifetime
Unable to mend
Just like this broken heart
collateral damage , to another broken past " on the mend "
For that's all a broken heart is ,
is little pieces of " reflections " that still " cut you " whenever your soul reaches out to touch ....

" numbness" is just a word

Poems

Used to spend the time
To find creative ways
To show you I love you
every single day

a poem from me,
heart spoken love letter
Thought it would be something, that you would like better

To put into words,
the way that I feel
With a flare of affection
And a tad more appeal

Not just an " I love you "
But a heart painted song
Something to share
As your day moves along

I thought it was special
At least to me it was
Writing you everyday
Yes , " just because "

Now there is  no reason
You took your love and your gone
all those poems meant nothing
Now its time to move on

Little pieces of me
Every day that I shared
I wonder if you even miss them
Not that they aren't there

The final crossroad

Look behind you at all the occasions you had , moments of truth , and forgiveness the times you tarnished the innocence of an affection.
The lies , infidelity, and unenthusiastic attention to moments special.
And yet their was still a chance , a way forward , and outstretched hand, and open embrace.
Corners , crossroads, in our journey.
Streets where unconditional love, fidelity, respect awaited at every turn.
Yet you chose to pass buy , this last time ,The eleventh hour , our final hope , you've turned your back on us , and said goodbye to our forever , my road has its own corners now , and your road without me , as you have just said goodbye to our
" final crossroad "

Another Christmas  poem

Children's laughter and joy
Sounds filling the air
the kids are getting antsy
For Santa to get there

Moms busy in the kitchen
Preparing the feast
And although it's hard work
She's not bothered in the least

Her kids mostly grown now
And some moved away
But they've all come back home
At least for today

Dad bounces the grandkids
Up and down on his knee
He tries to hide it
But you can tell he's happy

Festive songs set the mood
As some of us sing along
The whole family together
At home, where they belong

The trees glistening lights
Have a magical glow
Just as the waxing  moon
Reflects off the snow

The time, it's  here, finally
There's a knock at the door
The moment the children
Have all been waiting for

The man in the red suit
All jolly and fat
With big sack of toys
Flung over his back

With a big ** ** **
He makes his way to the tree
The children stare mesmerized
There faces covered with glee

He reaches into his sac
And he pulls out some toys
Dolls for the girls
And trucks for the boys

Then he looks to the grownups
And with a twinkle in his eye
He hands them all wrapped gifts
And then says his good byes

He shook grandpas hand
And he kissed grandmas cheek
He made his way to the door
Then he turned to speak

Merry Christmas everyone
I'll be back next year
But always remember to hold
Your loved ones near

Make sure to show them how much you love them
Cuz you never know when, you
Will see them again

Merry Christmas

as the stars flood the sky on this cold december night
and tales of Santa and his reindeer begin to take flight

the sweet scent if pies and puddings fill the holiday air
and silver haired ladies can't wait for there grand kids to get there

The tree is filled with a rainbow of lights
And all the good children are getting presents tonight

Then There is the fire that fills the air with burnt pine
And the grownups enjoy Christmas spirits and wine

and although most stories are of santas toys and the sleigh
We also hold dear the true meaning of this day

Our savior was born to deliver us from sin
So that we can have eternal life with him

To be at the right hand of the father above
It was honest and truly a pure gift of love.

The Christmas rooftops
Are covered with snow
Casting a reflection
Of the winter moon glow

Then a shadow casting
From out of the sky
In the shape of 8 reindeer
That can mysteriously fly

As the shadow grows bigger
On the rooftop they land
Pulling a sleigh full of toys
And a jolly old man

Toward the chimney he goes
The burly man dressed in red
Hops up and goes down
While the kids are in bed

He sprinkles some magic
And brings life to the tree
With a rainbow of lights
And some Christmas glee

And neath the tree
He loads it up with new toys
Topped with dolls for the girls
And trucks for the boys

Then to mom and dads stockings
That hang on the wall
He slips in some envelopes  and say says
" that takes care of them all "

A quick sip of milk
And a cookie or two
Then back to the chimney
He's got lots to do

The man known as Santa
Hops back on his sleigh
And yells merry Christmas
As the deer take him away

Now down below
Excited children arise
Cuz the best way to see Christmas
Is through a child's eyes

Her love made every day seem like Christmas to me

All along

The tender touch of petals under my feet
The taste of dew upon my lips
The scent of the foliage in the air
The sound of quiet
The sun glazes upon my face
I can smell the rays
As they part through an opening of the clouds flowing across the sky
I close my eyes and listen with my senses
Things in our existence that surround us but go unnoticed.
Just like our very breath , we live enveloped within,
without noticing unless were to cease to be.
I exhale once again, swimming in my existence thankful that I took the time to notice
What's been there all along ....

Stem of the rose

My blood streams down the stem of the rose, crimson petals seem to darken with each new drink of heartbreak, my hands laden with scars , remnants of the thorns.
And yet I still don't let go.
I wonder what I'm holding on to ?
I it is me ,that is the reason for the blossom at all,the petals are stained in my pains .
Beautiful dreams, laying and wished upon, spent heartbeats of hope that never had a chance, the horizon past the pain that I was always looking upon.
Simply isn't meant to bloom.
and yet for some reason , I still can't let go.
So my blood streams down the stem of the rose .....

" the crimson rose turns ashen with out a beating heart to replenish the scars from the thorns "

1600 poems
1600 ways I tried to be creative
1600 love letters
1600 moments you were the center of my universe
1600 times I thought of your beauty
1600 times I thought of your kiss
1600 times no matter how far apart , I brought us together
1600 times I shared with you how much I think of you all the time
1600 times you were the insperatin for an ode
1600 times I told you you wre the answer to my prayer
1600 times I wrote you with the idea that it would be us forever
1600 times I told you you were the ONLY girl for me
1600 different ways I tried to show you how much I love you
1600 times you didn't realize the depth of my heart
1600 failures , as you simply moved on