(A) gloomy night with the rain falling on my
(B)ack, yet you're not here, you're never here. Please, just get in your
(C)ar. Come to my place, meet me at the
(D)iner where we first met. Turns out, it's
(E)xactly how we left it. And that's not even
(F)air, because we aren't how we used to be when we first
(G)ot here. We're different now, we drifted and you no longer love me and it feels like
(H)ell. Because I still love you. I always loved you. You were always my one and
(I) loved you. But that's the past, and now I'm
(J)ust a figment of your imagination- who the hell have I been
(K)idding? I was just a passing thought, the
(L)ittle rain droplet on the window that you follow, but,
(M)arvelously,
(N)ever remember.
(O)h lover, come to my place. I can make you your favorite kind of
(P)ancakes. I still remember how you
(Q)uestioned if I was ever really alive. I suppose you have your answer now.
(R)un, run far away because you're over me, but I still remember your middle name.
(T)ucker, your middle name was tucker and your first name was as
(U)nique and beautiful as you are. Do you remember how I would kiss your freckles? You'd get embarrassed, but that was my favorite kind of
(V)ernacular. Your cute, embarrassed language was so enticing, and I longed to hear you speak. The rain is falling on my back, and you're not here. That's probably a good thing. The rain is falling and its
(W)ashing away what remains of you from my
(X)enophobic skin. You're washing away and I'm so glad it finally happened.
(Y)ou're gone, you're ******* gone. You've been gone for a while now, you left a while ago, but it was me, who refused to let go of something so disgusting and yet somehow still amazing. You're gone now. You're gone, and I finally feel completely,
(Z)aftig.

They say that looking doesn't commit things to memory, but that doesn't explain how I've memorized every curve of your body without laying a hand. That doesn't explain how I know where the sun hits your hair, because it's a few shades lighter. That doesn't explain how I know I'm in love with you without laying my lips anywhere on your-
They say that there's more to love than looks, so that explains how I feel about you. Your soul shines bright, and it blinds me. I put sunglasses on because I can't stand to not be looking at your beauty. Your thoughts scream out at me, and I love getting lost in your mind. Your mind is a beautiful messy thing. Just like you. Just like me. Just like us? Us? What is us? I love you and I don't know what to do. Babe. Baby girl. Love.
- I didn't do my work in class today because I was watching you read your book. I was watching you put your head into the crook of your elbow, and I was thinking to myself 'God I wish she would lay in my arms.'
-I remember watching you cover your arms with your sleeves, and I remember wanting to roll them back up and kiss the scars away. They say that looking doesn't commit things to memory, but that doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense because the juxtaposition of your eyes on my eyes, makes everything feel okay.
-I remember sitting in class. I remember sitting in class, and you were wearing a skirt and ******* it, I couldn't keep my eyes off of you. I felt my gaze traveling up your legs, and I stopped myself from reaching over and touching you. I stopped myself because I knew it was for the better. I remember you reading your book, and staring at the pages and occasionally looking off into the distance. I always wondered what you were thinking.
-I remember hugging you and not wanting to let go.
-I remember sitting on the park bench, talking about the people I've ****** and looking at you. On the park bench. With the bruises on your neck, and the sparkle in your eyes, and oh god, I stopped myself. I stopped myself. I stopped myself.
- I remember waking up one morning after taking pills and chasing them with a few (4) bottles of *****. I remember waking up, and I remember wishing I was waking up to you. Because I know the day I wake up with you next to me will be the day I'm happy.
-I want to make you tea. I want to show you the world of low budget indie films. I want to make you-
I want you to see yourself through my eyes. Because through my eyes, you're the most beautiful creature on this hopeless earth. I hope you find happiness, and I hope you find love. I hope you find love. I hope you find love. I hope you find happiness. I hope you find love.
-I remember sitting on the stairs with you, and you were looking down at your hands probably thinking 'oh god what have I done.' I wanted to hold your hands then. So bad.
-I remember the first time you came over, you asked me a thousand questions and it made me so happy. You're so inquisitive. I remember you stopping conversation to go off and pick flowers. I still have them. I still have them. I still have them. I still have you. I still have you. I still have that-
Taste in my mouth. It tastes like regret. It takes like vulnerability, and it tastes like love. It tastes like the words I can't take back. The words I so desperately mean. Those words. The words. The words. 'I love you.'