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I always take a long evening walk with my dogs. Around the village, through the woods and home again. It's quite a few miles of fresh air therapy, and the dogs love it.
I go along the hedgerows and down the winding lane, past the old church and circle back towards home. They are both back on their leads after a good bounding through the woods. With ***** paws and scent filled noses, they will sleep well tonight.
At this time, early evening, the sun is falling low and the sky is turning from the midday's cerulean blue to hues of violet and pink.
It is the first day of September and our long hot summer can still be felt in the afternoon sun but, by supper time, the air has become cool and still and I pull on my cardigan against the chill, something I haven't done during the evening since mid March.

As I pass the old church the sky has darkened around the edges, framing the mellowing sky in varying shades of indigo. Darkening hedgerows underline the display of early evening pipistrelles, diving and flitting like a zoetropes flashing movement before my eyes. I can feel the 'pip pip' of their almost inaudible sonar in my ears. They swoop and flit catching unfortunate moths midair.

The long grasses that run along the bottom of the hedgerows are teeming with all sorts of bugs and crawling creatures. Grass hoppers, stink bugs, spiders and probably a few little foraging field mice. I try not to think too ******* what might lay there in the undergrowth, it's all a bit creepy crawly for my liking, I walk quickly through the grasses and on towards the gate at the end of the lane.

I can smell the farmers freshly harvested earth in the east field and I can now see clearly the brown soil emerging, stretch by stretch each day. Soon the fields will be covered over in deep earthy blankets, coloured in acres of deep umber and hickory, ready to sleep again until spring.

The air around me holds the promise of autumn, the fragrant breeze whispers that fact gently among the trees, among falling leaves of golden brown and cinnamon I know it to be true.

Squirrels bound from branch to branch gathering summers bountiful consequence. It is a joy to watch as they eye me warily yet they do not stop filling their bellies with berries and walnuts as they peer at me with caution.

The heavy oak gate at the end of the lane opens to a grassy pathway and after a time, my front door. The lights are alive in the windows of our cottage. I delight in finding everyone finally home.

Soon the curtains will be drawn against the darkness and bitter autumn winds. For now I revel in the remedy of the season, the bearing of natures fruitful gifts, the winds of change lift my heart.

A faraway bonfires smoke becomes a backdrop to the cool crisp autumn air. Over the coming weeks carpets of nutmeg coloured leaves will fall, handfuls of acorns, walnuts and spinning sycamore propellers will be scattered under our feet as we walk with our dogs, sniffing and snuffling in the pungent autumnal lawn.

This season has my heart feeling the same love and contentment as of a mother greeting her grown child home after too long away.

The key fits the lock and the aroma of stew and dumplings greets me like an old friend and I am so very glad my now grown children love the comfort of home cooking as I do. I step inside, dogs loping along beside me, as I greet the coming splendour of Autumn with open arms.
If a man without arms can dream
bigger than his physical limitations
to become the best archer in the world,
if he can push beyond the frontiers
of all that has been thought possible
for a disabled person,
then why
can't we look beyond
the obstacles hemming us in,
holding us back,
filling our mind's eye
with debilitating fears?  

What would we accomplish
in our lives if we knew
we couldn't fail?  
If every day became
an honest opportunity to grow
and dream and create,
what would we do to fill our days?  

How would it feel to live our lives
unfettered from the voices
that chide us with harsh criticism?
What can we do to silence those
who oppose our dreams?
And why should we
ever again allow
another human being
to shackle or define for us
the best life we choose  to dream?  

When we recognize
that these voices are just
hollow echoes of our own
or others' insecurities,
then we begin to live
authentically,
to delve beneath
the physical depths
into an authentic life
teeming with drive
and determination.
Note:  I am attaching the link to a video that inspired this writing entitled "The Armless Archer."

https://youtu.be/Vyu-MJaDI7E
He saw her again
  the girl who wasn't
    the imaginary one
she slowly sauntered
  through the fading
    of a dream
     to the other side
   and sat quietly
     at the end of his bed

Smiling like the Grinch
  perfect dimples at both ends
   of her sugar red lips
eyes as full as the moon
  ready to ******
she never said a word
  out loud
but spoke in perfect clarity
  to his heart

“What a strange joy we find
  in the need to love”

She stood and wandered
  from here to there
soft as a ghost
   she stopped at his bookshelf
running her fingers
  down the spine
   of the books
pausing from time to time
  to pull one out
   flip through the pages

     stop

    and read for a moment

sometimes laughing

sometimes sighing

sometimes hiding a brief sob

He laid under the cover
  of his blanket and sheets
    careful to be motionless
      fearing any movement
       would cause her to vanish
      from sight and memory

as if she heard his thoughts

  and perhaps she did

    she turned and smiled

“What good are our eyes
  when we look at the things
    only our hearts will remember
   and are memories anything more
     than dreams of things
       that once were
    played infinitely on the repetition
  of the waves crashing at the edge
and shores of Oceans End?”

She turned back to the books
  tilting her head
   continuing her ritual
she would occasionally turn
  fireworks bursting in her eyes
   show him the book
     she had freshly picked
       from the crowded shelves
      and then bring it to her chest
        right over her heart
         and hug it tightly
her impossibly wide smile
  growing somehow wider
she nodded with approval
  before turning
    and placing it back
      in the crowd

He didn’t know if
  it was night or day
   or how long he
    had been laying there
     watching her skim over
       pick up
        and read through
        book after book
       he tried to stop himself
      from thinking about
   the reality of things
of how she was

    the girl who wasn’t

     the one he imagined

when his heart was
  at the verge of feeling

     too lonely

     for too long

when he feared that
  the comforts of solitude
    would become...

      uncomfortable

And on cue she replied
  to the thoughts
   he meant not to think...

“Silly silly boy....
   who imagined who
     was it me or was it you...
    go back to sleep
   and when the stars
  have time again to dream
I will see you
  as you will see me...
    never more and nothing less
       than some imagined dream”

She hugged one last book
  and placed it tenderly back
   smiled as warm as the noon day sun
    paused at the bathroom door
      resisting the urge to turn around
       and see her empty bed

“who imagined who...”
she laughed at herself
looked at her reflection
in the mirror
faked a smile
an impossibly wide smile
and started to hum

“Somewhere”

and stepped into her shower
thinking to herself

someday...

someday...
Love is not attachment.
It is not affection or passionate desire.
Love is not a longing or a warm feeling of fondness.
Nor is it an intense, wholehearted attraction.
Love cannot be these things.

Love is benevolence.
Love is giving, selfless and complete.
Devotion.
Love cannot be said.
Love may only be done.
2007
The jukebox was the only light
in the tavern.  
We were alone in the dry
recess of a lonely world.
You sang in my ear while
I swayed to your rhythm.

The song was a long low
cry.  I was urgent
in your embrace.  

I am reminded of that night
you walked away from me in
the damp laundry of dawn.

Turn around to face me,
the climate of my lonely
arms.

Hold me again to the tick
of memory so I can,
once more, dance
close to you.

Regardez moi
mon amour.




Caroline Shank
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