sunflowers seeping into her skin like rot
an uncontrollable summer cancer
bones breaking ahead of time
a tombstone blissfully cool

smoking to die
living in the expletive
relishing the waste

for wasting must mean you have

i don't want to smell like the flowers in the lotion you gave me
i want to smell like i could break my own bones

i'll always need constant reminders
because i feel like i am one

i need you to remind me that the world is beautiful
because i feel like a reminder of all the oil spills

i need you to remind me that love is kind
because i feel like a reminder of every time i broke my own heart

i need you to remind me that i'm human
because i feel like a reminder that monsters do exist

and mostly, i need you to remind me that you love me
because i feel like a reminder of all the reasons you shouldn't

i'll always need constant reminders
because i feel like i am one

i wish i knew how to manipulate time
the way you manipulated me

i beg my lungs not to let go
as they hold in the million scents that make up
you

i wish your smell was like muscle memory
always coming back to the tips of my fingers

like those songs i still know how to play on the violin