Take a moment to imagine what peace could bring
A bountiful future, loyal companions and a dash of rainbow
Perfectly structured, don't you think?
Let's take this further
Glance at the one sitting next to you
What do you see?

A grey, demented mist of acquiescence enveloped its upper body
You watch that selfish shadow take over and now
As you talk to the shadow
Asking for a reassuring nod
What do you see?

An odd grin, you see
The shadow is oblivious and responds to the strange smile
Of a sinister clown
The clown takes the shadow
Placing its yellow smudged hand
On the oblivious shadow
Soon, you'll see

The shadow is gone
The clown is not grinning
It has a scarf, a blue scarf
Surrounding its neck
Blank background and colors are whispering
There is a moment of regret and fear

As if the scarf was not rude enough
A glimmering knife joined the party
The clown held the knife tightly
But, what type of scene can your eyes see?

A struggling tear escapes the eye of the clown
Pointless, it was
He now walks to the stage along with the scarf
On the stage, the shadow cried
Your eyes can't help and so you wonder
Indeed, the knife was no more

It is a basic question humans ask each other on a daily basis.

"How are you?"

Never have I ever seen the truth come out of their lips. Although, how could I tell? Maybe it is the fidgety hands or just the bounce they performed. Now, I'm describing myself. Aren't I?

If you ask me that question, I can hardly say "I'm fine" without having to take a deep breath and my throat would try to reach for that one glass of water, making a simple interaction a hundred times peculiar than it should be.

My throat stays dry for another two years or so.

It has been four years since my very first unconvincing "I'm fine"

I wonder when would be the right time to confess about this. Perhaps, I don't have to. I made my mother worried once I had my "first" panic attack. I can not exactly say that was the first one but my family hasn't really done anything about the lines on my skin.

Well, mom asked me about it. She pointed at it and said, "What is that?"
And then, I got annoyed and threw the topic back on to the shelves, hoping she had noticed something is not right.

It is not that I want my mother to feel bad. I'd never want for the woman who was blessed to have had the surgery of her cancer cells cancelled to frown. Why blessed, you ask? The thing is the first ultra sound was a gold digging snob. Blunt but true. Without the second option of a decent kind, I wouldn't be writing this.

I would have never got the chance to listen to music.

Hence, yes I'm fine.

pick me up

i drag my corpse once again

back to the ground

gravity, why are you greedy?

hay and lilac grass

i want to sleep peacefully

to put it bluntly

i crash and sleep

momentum shifts and careless lips

put me back to where

the child plays with vehicles

ramble about the past tense

i wish i wish i could have

i should have

butter bitter better borrow blunders

i am sailing

no not the sea because the sea

it is where i instead of floating

the sea is where i choke suffocate

my hands hoping pleading

for that sweet gulp of oxygen but

i drown

i always drown

and it is not gravity at fault

i am at fault for my own tragedies

so i'm sorry gravity

please forgive my existence

take my short term breaths

and bring me back to the ground

that is where i belong

the dust filled pavements

compared to a sea

where the ground is non-existent

for my desperate feet to lay or stand on