every once in awhile, when I’m around friends or family or if I’ve been looking at my or another persons face I get this overwhelming feeling of non recognition. I feel as though I’m out of my body and that everyone I look at is me. I feel like every face I see is mine, like I’m looking at my own reflection

I am stuck under the pretense that to have a purpose, I need to be needed. I have no purpose at all if I cannot make others happy. This is especially difficult to handle, when I feel as though the only way I can make others happy is by being gone. The only thing I can actually do right is leave. I want to wanted.

(8/22/16 - 1:41am) the butterflies that took shelter in my stomach when I was with you have long since fled; longing to see the sun again. the thought of you no longer makes me feel like I'm on top of the world but rather like I'm falling off of it. falling further and further until I've hit the lowest of rock bottoms what did I do wrong. you no longer call me whenever it rains. instead you hold the warm hands of someone else, someone new, someone who will learn to love you when I couldn't seem to save my hands from the cold. i never could understand how you kept going when things went to hell. I will always think highly of you, which is more than you deserve. you were weeds strong enough to grow through the sidewalk. you were the weeds, the dandelions that while having a pretty exterior seemed to **** the things that came into contact with them, taking the life away from the things closest to them. I was the unfortunate one when you attached to me and clung to me in hopes that we would both drown in that moment, the saltwater doesn't burn my eyes anymore. I've learned to float, maybe not to swim, per se but even as I do the dead man's float I am still more alive than when I was with you. you, can't hurt me anymore. I've escaped. my roots pulled from between the pavement and towards places beyond the mountain places unheard of by those who aren't searching hard enough yet.

I used to hate the color yellow, solely for the fact that I wanted to be edgy and didn't want to like such a "happy color." I'm starting to appreciate it a little more now.