Have you ever felt torn apart
your fingers losing grip like ripping seams
trying to hold on to the old and the new
while lost in a winding road of dreams
Have you ever felt lonesome in chaos
though the sound beats your ears 'til they ring
it's as if your head is underwater
because you can't seem to hear a thing
Have you ever wanted something so badly
that the sight of it just makes your knees weak
so you choose to steer clear to protect your own heart
because it could all fall apart with a peek
Have you ever been madly in love
but you just can't seem to fall
because you're tied back with the ropes of guilt from the past
and you can't afford to, once again, lose it all
Have you ever tried to cradle my heart
you must be gentle because it's barley in one piece
held together with glitter glue and forgotten excuses
yet somehow it's warmth never seems to cease
because I promise you the day when you hold it
you'll forget about the sadness that has continued to whizz
because the broken heart that continues to beat
that's what love really is.

He loves me, he loves me not
throw flower petals up in the breeze
he loves me, he loves me not
sweet honey trills off your lips with ease
He loves me, he loves me not
even though you say it's true
he loves me, he loves me not
You make it hard to believe you
He loves me, he loves me not
my bruised skin is healed in the places you kissed
He loves me, he loves me not
but you soon strike the skin your fist once missed
He loves me, he loves me not
the soft, delicate hands that used to hold mine
he loves me, he loves me not
now beat instead of intertwine
He loves me, he loves me not
wrinkled petals flutter across the sky
he loves me, he loves me not
as you’re pleading i begin to cry
He loves me, he loves me not
And i was really hoping you’d known
that no matter how much you make up for what was lost
a plucked flower will never grow
he loves me; not.

How far up does the sky go;
how tall must i be to brush the stars?
How high must i jump to hug clouds;
to serenade and blow kisses to mars?
How far out does the earth stretch?
Could my hands reach the Golden Gate Bridge?
Do i share the same sunsets with people miles away;
could i hop scotch across the Rocky Mountain’s Ridge?
How wide does the horizon spread?
Could i hold it in the palm of my hand,
or with a single step meet it face to face
and rest peacefully in it’s far away lands?
How much love fills up the world,
is it overwhelming with fluttering butterflies?
Is every prayed wish is another perfect stitch
in our navy blue, quilted sky?
This large world's roads are winding.
Yet, in my eyes, it's niether extensive nor tall.
With your heart in the palm of my hands
This sweeping world really isn't that large at all.

When I could paint with the tips of my fingers
I brought life to the sensation constructed in my dreams
A finger-painting framed by, yours truly
But sadly, soon ripped apart at the seams.
The next week I decided to get down to buisness, once again
I had a clean canvas and a clear mind
Although my eyes enjoyed his vibrant color
He wasn't what my heart desired to find.
Tired and lonesome, I tried to come up with something more
Nights spent stressing on if this creation was wrong or right
Hoping the day would come, when I'd finally accept that he's good enough
but instead he blew out my last flame of light.
I scrubbed my hands with vigor
Swore I'd never paint again
Burned all the unused canvases to ash
I haven't been inspired since then.
But one day when I last expected it
Splashes of blue and green caught my eye
A creation I didn't recognize
But couldn't let leave and pass bye
At first I was unsure
Because I couldn't trust a creation not of my own
But I'm glad I leaped into spontaneity
Because If not I'd be missing the love I've never known
Although I've been loved before
And it's living torture to let my heart roam free
Instead of me creating the love I wanted
The love I needed seemed to find me.

There was a time when i believed in falling
for falling is the first step to trust
and trust, i have lacked for the last few years
because sheded tears caused my steel heart to rust
for a while i was convinced there was a spark
hidden under heaps of high expectations and hope
past the overthinking, right next to quaint smiles and glances, and hidden under the wish that we’d finally elope
but love isn’t built with empty promises
nor is it molded with the lovley, “if only”
because when you fall in love with the idea of someone
falling turns to broken, the broken can’t mend, and your back to being desperate and lonely
i wish being loved wasn’t so difficult
but if it was easier no one would dare to fall
because we’d rather be shattered from falling with faith
than stay safe with nothing at all

When our eyes meet the ashes turn to embers and flutter like golden butterflies.
They rise and swirl tickle the sides of my tummy.
It is a heavenly feeling
I would not give it up for the world, but I am scared that I will.
Because yellow only lasts for so long.

I can't seem to figure out if it is love itself that I fear, or if it is the possibility of never being loved back that scares me.
There are billions and billions of people on this Earth, and yet I haven't felt a single spark with anyone of the two thousand people that surround me.
Not one.
I've come very, very, very close, but the match was just too far from the wick.
The irony of it all is that I don't even know if I long for love anymore.
I've craved it and held onto it for so long, but after a while the taste was familiar, bland, and sometimes even a little bitter.
People don't fall in love anymore.
Some may kiss a smitten crush, others may hold "their one" so tightly, and some jump in the sheets with a new endeavor everynight.
But this isn't love.
Love isn't possible nor does it exist.
It was simply glorified with the glitter pens of old english literature, and fed to our souls to give us a reason to stay.
But it doesn't exist,
So why keep lying to ourselves?
As much as I'd like to blame it on what he said, or what he did I cant.
Because he did not make love extinct, dissolve, and blow away in ashes from the palm of my hand.
I did.
I burned it all because of a broken heart, and now look where it is.
gone.
And I can't get it back,
so I'll just have to live
without love.