I didn't know you didn't like me
I didn't know I made you mad
I didn't know I made you cry
I didn't know I hurt you so bad
I didn't know you hated me so
and I didn't think that we would end
But when you tell your little fibs,
They break shards that refuse to mend.
Your cruel words are masked behind a pretty face
And your smile leads me on to believe
That it truly is okay, but then you say
words that leave me deceived.
Your vicious claws tear through my skin
and you leave me out to bleed,
but in some twisted way, you whisper lies into their minds
and the blame, once again, rests upon me.

My heart is in a million different places
When all I want, is for it to be here

In a sea of unfamiliar faces,
Some I used to know,
I am dragged into the navy abyss
And left to stand alone.
I’m drowning myself slowly
In a fate that I had drawn
Because even if they cared
The wouldn’t notice I was gone.
I’m dowsed in regret and self hate
But I won’t say it’s your fault
Because you’ll  beat me until I’m broken
And fill my wounds with salt.
I can never be enough for you
I can’t be who I am not
And when you asked for seven seas
I told you one is all I’ve got.
A long lasting disappointment
Begging to be set free
But my cries fell into my stomach
When my soul died at sea.

I love the way you speak to me when the night comes to an end
But I hate it when you treat me like just another friend
I love that when you listen, our stares are so surreal  
But I hate that when I’m around you I can’t control what I feel
I love it when you’re kind, and your cheeks are left flushed
But I hate that you leave me hanging, cold and untouched
I love it when you love me, and just when I start to believe it’s true
You say that love is the absolute last thing you’d like close to you
I hate that I can’t understand this, and I hate when you leave me alone, I hate that I simply can’t function without you, i just want to hear your voice over the phone
I hate that there’s not escape, and there’s nothing I can do, but most of all I hate that I want you to love me back, which is something I know you can’t ever do.

When you smell the scent of the perfume that I always used to wear, or remember the way your fingers used to feel running through my hair
The ways our eyes would linger, and long to watch and stare
I hope you’ll remember me

The days we spent wishing that time would forget to fly
Or the ones we spent watching pink clouds stumble by
I hope that our memories are soon to be written in the sky
I hope you remember be

For when our lives fall back into place
And my heart recognizes the sight of your face
I hope our hearts will end their chase
And you’ll remember me.

My anxiety is taking over
Holding the wheel on it’s own
Steering my brain into places
I’d rather leave unknown

It’s rips the words right from your lips
Twists them in ways I’ve never seen
Turns “I miss you,” to, “I hate you.”
Though I know that’s not what you mean

It paints blue over my eyes
Forcing me to see the worst to come
But crying blue for you gets boring
So I decided to just stay numb

Maybe you really care about me
But I guess I’ll never truly know
Because my anxiety is taking over
And never letting go

I once desired for your love,
But your love was never mine.
It was her’s, so I watched you two fall in love from behind.

I now desire for your love,
But is your heart still in her hands?
Or is it tucked away just for me
Like treasure hidden under sand?

Will I still desire for your love
In the next year or so?
Because although I’ve waited far too long
I can’t imagine letting you go.

So if I’ve stopped wishing by January
Please know that I’m fine
because I finally gave up on wishing
And took your love as mine