everything hurts these days
pressing on my heavy, aching chest
the whole world is spiraling
making me dizzy and sick
never a moment of peace
im tired.
god, im always so ******* tired
everything feels heavy
it is exhausting

this is how i feel every day
every ******* day
for as long as i can remember
every ******* day
dragging myself through my own life
not caring about anything

i just want one day
one day that i dont feel like ****
one day that doesnt make my lungs tight
one day that doesnt make my broken heart burn
one day that doesnt fall apart and slip away
like sand through my fingers

im just so ******* tired
of everything
of struggling to keep people in my life
of constantly anticipating the next awful thing
of trying to hope and being crushed
over and over and over

i get you're going through something
and i will be here for you the whole time
but you have to make it out of this alive
because i cant do it without you

he said
i need to say this now
before i ***** out
but i want to love you
I do love you
I think im in love with you
But im afraid
Of my feelings.

say that you love me.
take my hand
and say it.
say that you
want to be more
than what we are.
just say
something
anything.
and i'll
just say
yes.

if you dont want me around
please, dear god, let me know
because right now
one less person to worry about
is not a ******* problem for me.

i have enough **** to deal with
so if you're done with me
just go.

i'll still be here when you come back.

paycheck
striped socks
pens & markers
paint spots
scattered beads
bits of trash
empty frame
shattered glass
broken toys
hot glue gun
pink lighter
half a blunt

i know you want this to go smoothly
and i know you're trying to make it easier
so i only have one rule to add.

until you are 100% done with me,

you CAN NOT fall in love
with someone else

just
i love you
for the last time

she gave me a cross
a little wooden one
on a ball chain

naturally,
i sharpened it
and turned it into a weapon.

i don't know what i'm doing
where i'm going
what id do without you
i can't tell when i'm  breathing
if youre leaving
if i'm living
i don't know
what i’
wantttt
i
have no

words.
are you stil here

am i?

i fell in love with an artist
he painted me the sky with his words
he gave me the world on a box
and in the box he put flower petals and smiles

i saw you
today
the way you were acting
was scary
like i might lose you

i cant lose you
because i might lose myself

lost in sad slow songs
in a depressive spiral
aren't we all?

whose idea was
to rely so many emotionally
unstable
people on each other?

---

his hair hung around his face like a halo
with the sun shining
warm and bright in a field
lovely in its loneliness
a stream tinkling nearby
and only chattering birds
and bumbling bees
to witness our bliss
high on the sun
and sugary sweet kisses
we were kind, lovely and true
in the shade
of a weeping willow
we were silent
understanding
as the sun drifted lazily away
and left us a cocktail
of strawberries and nectarines
pink and orange
you and i
dancing in the grass
stirring up lightning-bugs
like little stars themselves on earth
dancing in the heavens with an angel
smiling and tipsy
buzzing and warm
telling stories and tales
while the little earth-stars
fly away home
writing our own myths
unafraid and unashamed
skin to skin
heart to heart
we could be anything
but tonight we could only be this
and, by god, it is bliss.

they say
everything is made
with a purpose.

i believe
that i was not meant to love
(or be loved)
i was not made to live

maybe my existence
is just a sick ******* joke
that the gods(?) are playing

maybe im meant to be a story
one better told than lived

maybe the world needs something to end
before it begins

maybe i need to die
to let others live

i want
to be with you
i want quiet moments in the dark
i want soft kisses on my neck
i want to hold you
and let you hold me
and just be
together.
we won't need words or labels
just us
us.
i want there to be an us
forever.

i slept all day.
after you left,
i thought i might cry
or something
but i just felt empty
its like every good thing that happens
must always end in disaster.
but this isn't over
i dont think so at least
maybe
this will work out
i really hope it does
im really sorry you had to be a part of the disgusting mess that is me.

your eyes were gentle and sweet
not the fire i usually saw.
it was strange
seeing you so calm and happy
as opposed to your usual chaos
like how a fire
can bring cities down to dust and rubble
or gently warm a family home
i like you both
and i hope you don't leave
i like seeing you sleepy
when you mumble words
that don't make sense
but i can tell what you mean
i like watching your face
change and react to things i can't see
but i wish i could
i like you
a lot

i want his words
to keep forever
they make me smile
and it feels nice
to smile.

all these words that mean nothing
it doesn't even make me feel better
just
exhausted and alone
in the library
at a table
doing nothing important
but tiring myself out
so i don't make any more
stupid decisions
it means nothing
to you
but everything
to me