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1. I am craving intimacy
I have forgotten, you see,
the feeling of skin
on skin.
to hold your hand
or lay a kiss on your cheek,
I am craving intimacy.
more than I have ever
craved cigarettes,
your breath on my neck
or the rising of your chest
as you sleep.
I am craving intimacy,
come give it to me.

2. I crave darkness
in your arms
though alone, I am terrified.
I crave moments
in which we can hide,
no eyes.
explore only with our sense of touch.
explore me blind,
I am yours.

3. there is no greater
accomplishment
than knowing your way
without sight.
that is what I want,
with your soul,
to know it so
I could recognise it
with my eyes closed.

I think, sometimes you have to say '**** this, I deserve better than you'

I've been saying that since I was 10 about my parents. Cos they ******* up, don't they? Your mum and your dad. ****, I deserve more than a mother who cared more about a pint than my school shoes. A mother who knows more vulgarities than appraisals.

****, I deserve more than the ******-twig-thin-blonde that I convinced myself was my best friend for 5 years. u little *****, I deserve more than a text every 6 months about how you 'wish we were still friends.' I deserved more than taking the back seat for a guy. I deserve more than your texts to 'keep me sweet' and your promises that are as empty as your personality.

****, I deserved more than the 'friends' that made me feel bad about being sad. As if the complete ******* up of my life didn't have quite enough guilt. I deserved more than their forced drinking, I deserved more than being their run around, ordered around. I deserved more.


and ******* hell, did I deserve more than the ****** ex that near ruined, and ended, my life. I deserve more than to wonder if you're still alive, because in all honesty I tell people you are dead and I've never been much of a liar.

I deserve me. I deserved time by myself to get to know myself. You should get rid of ****** people because I've never been happier

can I bottle the butterflies
for you to release around your room when you miss me

baby, can you imagine
falling asleep to the gentle sound of their wings, barely even audible

it's not dissimilar to how you fall asleep to the touch of my fingertips lightly on the curve of your back

oh,
and I love to trace over your stretch marks
though you say you hate them
they are just like my scars really,
a reminder that you're growing from the person you used to be.

and I love the way they almost glisten in the light,
god do they fascinate me

it doesn't matter what I give you for Christmas
because it will never meet the standard of what you have given me

for the first time in my life
I have come to the realisation
that I ******* deserve to, and I can, be happy

I guess I was a walking tally chart of the amount of times I hated myself and even God couldn't kiss that better.

My neighbours have a half empty bottle of ***** sitting on their windowsill
If I close my eyes hard enough, I swear I can smell you.
I can taste the names of the pretty girls you kissed when you were high and I was alone,

And sometimes the voice in my head repeats your name over and over until it is nothing more than an unrecognisable sound. That's how I like it. Unrecognisable.

I have been very lonely since you told me she was pregnant
sometimes I can't sleep cos my mattress feels cold,
and I stay up all night talking to the men who live under my bed. They comfort me.

I text you the same message 18 times "please don't leave me. I will die."
("Leave me alone. There is nothing more for me to say to you" )

Mum tells me that all men will leave you when you need them most.
I think you left me long after I became dependant on you.
It is hard for me to breathe under all this soil

My room smells of unrequited love and stale promises.

You are still kissing other girls when you are high.
There are still bite marks on my thigh.

Don't fall in love with that somebody
He'll take you to parks, coffee shops, & to the ocean shore
He'll kiss you & lift you up with an embrace
At the most unexpected time in the most beautiful places
So you can never go back to those places without tasting a mouthful of him
He'll wreck you in the most lovely way possible
& now you'll know why storms were named after people