i think of the days when everything is calm, peaceful and serene. i think of the days when everything is chaotic, disruptive and hurtful. but mostly, i think of the days when i’m just living motionlessly. where nothing significant really happens but my heart is aching - reminiscing the memories. the laughters i took for the granted. the smiles i took for granted. the happiness i took for granted but somewhere deep in me always knew that i was bound to feel this way for a long, long time.

motionless.
my life at a standstill while everyone else have their own parties of memories while i stand here - all alone.
bitterness swarm me but i can do nothing.

motionless.
my life it seems. everything in my life.

motionless.
where i’m meant to be.

spiralling down is probably one of the worst feelings ever, well atleast for me. you build a mindset that you are better and snap,

you fall back down. but the beauty in it is having people going through it with and supporting u endlessly; having passion - loving what you do and making it come alive.

except sometimes, you can’t find anyone or anything to make you feel alive again and it really hurts. the one tiny light at the end of tunnel you ignited , is all blurred and nothing matters.

so here i am trying to pick myself up but i've lost too many pieces of myself and i seek comfort in nothing and no one because i like loneliness just as much as i dislike it.

happiness, warmth and comfort is long gone.

solitude and loneliness are my friends.

but try i will because if i have one person who shows me that it's all worth, i guess it really is worth it.

isn't it sad? how we try, try our best to hold on to the hands of those who left? when we should have held on to those who stayed. but too bad, they too have left.

we, humans, are stupid. we are always trying to keep those who left when we should have open our eyes bigger and instead look at those who stayed.

stupid aren't we?