Do you ever get the feeling that everyone you know is hiding something from you?

Like a big dark secret about yourself that no one dares to tell you?

Well, that's how I feel most of the time.
Trying to decode every sentence, every word, every letter.
Thinking about all the outcomes.
Watching every movement surrounding you.

I forget myself most of the time.
How could someone actually forget that they exist amongst others?

To take yourself out from your own life and focus on others.

I like to see it as superpower.

To be fully distracted.

To the point you can't remember how you felt in the most important days of your life.

To the point you can't stand yourself for one hour because what I see is a stranger.

To the point you can't hear your own thoughts because they're shouting.

Thin gold wraps her neck
She wears elegance today
Shining her jewels

If you catch me fishing for compliments or looking for a fight
I just need to know I'm adequate, that everything's alright
I'm anxiously insecure, I easily regret
Mistakes are always on my mind, too heavy to forget
I'm suspicious of the little things, a skeptic to the core
Small changes make me nervous, I feel generally unsure
I'll always keep on asking things when I already know
Because anything can happen, people come and people go
That's why I need your confidence each and every day
I just need some reassurance so that I can be okay

Quiet mind, immersed
in palest, warmest yellow.

Molecules within
find alignment
with infinity.

Silvery mercurial fluid
paints my bones
with gentle light.

You have come back.

Abundantly, warm salt
water envelopes me.

Even in this chair,
in this empty room.

On dry land.

When you’re at your lowest lows or on your highest highs,
I’ll be there when you’re ready to give up on life,
I’ll be there to save you from the Devils chains,
I’ll be there pick you up each time you’ve fallen down,
I’ll be there when you’re not ready to talk,
I’ll be there to listen when you’re afraid.
I’ll be there to guard you from the pain,
I’ll be there through the good and the bad,
I’ll be there for the bright or stormy days,
I’ll be there when nobody else is,
I’ll be there whenever you need me,

I only ask for you to promise that you will do the same.

to feel reverence and intimacy
with everything we see;

to find traces of divinity in
everyday things;

to realize that imperfections and
cracks below the surface are not
signs of weakness; but traces of life;

to know that in essence, all is unity;

is grace.

I would, rather.

I'd rather have no's than fake yes'
I'd rather have lessons than regrets
I'd rather have "oh well's" than "what if's"
I'd rather have beginnings than endings.

Enough to say,
I'd rather have me to myself, waiting;
and you to yourself, healing;

Than the imposible "us" pretending;
to ourselves.

i pity words
because words try
they try to communicate in the most intimate way possible
having all these different words pertaining to different degrees of emotions, feelings.
And by having different genres,
like being descriptive, scientific, or conversational,
but it’s always unto the ability of two people:
the conveyor,
if the words would come off strong, or strong enough
or nonchalant, or nonchalant enough
and
the receptor,
if the words are to be processed, understood, wholeheartedly
or to come in one way and out the other
and it’s always different.

you see,
words try, but they’re a medium,
and there are other avenues of expressing ones emotions,
those of which are underlying,
which can’t be articulated.
when you speak words,
it contains tone, diction, and emphasis,
which printed words try to mimic
by various styles like
italics, bold, or underlines,
but they can never quite imitate
shifting eyes, twitches
the waver in your voice, it’s depth,
you, running your hand through your hair,
or having fidgety fingers,
and your legs never seem to stop shaking.
All of this steals the spotlight off of words,
and I wonder, what do all of these things mean?