and I’m done pretending
that physical pain is any less devastating
than emotional pain
Honestly, they’re the same

Two years into adulting.
It’s possible, who knew?
I look the same as yesterday
But today I’m twenty two!

Dentist trips still freak me out,
Sometimes I burn an egg.
My blanket covers both my feet,
So monsters won’t grab my leg.

I don’t go out on Friday night,
My ankles feel the weather.
And when I help the kids with homework,
We both learn math together.

Sometimes I’ll burst out crying
For no reason at all.
I know the words to one rap song,
And still prefer guys tall.

My puns are all intended,
There is a spoon I hate,
I’ll never mix my whites and brights,
I can’t stay up too late.

My life has been a wild ride
But I’m thankful for each day.
One day I hope to be mature,
One day... but not today.

I’m learning I’m an ocean
full of uncharted depths
made just for me to explore
I’m far more interesting than a few little coves
I’ve got trenches
and reefs
starfish
and beasts
And I’ll never reach the end of it

when cultivating a will to live is too difficult
I settle for drowning out the desire to die

Like dark, vaporous remnants
like a bad dream
vague
it slips into uncomfortable
amorphous uncertainty
more pleasing than the bold streaks of red paint
underneath metallic rods
that used to define the subject
as Pain and Stupidity
with a slash of Slavery
Instead
the last of its whispers
speak of Strength
and self-forged Freedom

I win
I’m free
I’m proud of me

You had never learned to love
I had never learned to rebel
The rebel dating the lover
You couldn’t understand my anger
I couldn’t understand your lack of compassion
You’d been your own person all your life
I was just becoming my owner
I had nurtured and been a model of good
You hardly knew your mother
You grew tired of my struggle with my parents
I grew tired of your lack of apologies
In the end,
the rebel knew himself better
and left
Behind a crushed me
who didn’t know how to let go of love
Until I became a rebel too