I used to look into the night sky and gaze at the stars.
I'd wonder what it would be like, to touch one.
Or to be up there, floating amongst those beautiful ***** of fiery light.

But tonight, there are no stars.
And I ponder about where they've gone.
I wonder how each and every one of those great specks in the sky seem to have dimmed and died away.

And I sob because of this.
I scream into the dark void of what is night, demanding that the stars return.
But they don't.

They don't return and I can't touch them.
I can't wonder what it'd be like to be floating with them.
I can't lay in the tall grass and try to count them when I can't sleep.

So, I don't sleep tonight.
I just lay still, and will them back into view.
Will them to fill my vision and mind with amazement and thoughts of complete awe.

But they don't return.

The anxiety of it all strangles me, and I can't do it any longer.
I have to shut my eyes and breath.
I can't keep worrying about this.

After what feels like an eternity, my eyelids flutter open.
And there they are.
As if they never even left.

All of them singing their songs to me.
Each one telling its story.
And my heart finally can stop beating so loudly in my ears.

Tears well up in my already wet eyes.
But this time, these are joyful tears.
Because my stars once again fill my mind and heart with wonder and contentment.

Dear Mae Sai,
You’ve been a hard pill to swallow.
Downward gazes and inside jokes.
Farang, farang.
Little pointing fingers followed by a wave of giggles as my floor-length dress with the slit down the side blows wild in the breeze,
trying to contain my runaway drapery,
maintain modesty in a border town where summer dresses don’t fly.
A voice cautions from the inside:
"You’re not in the islands anymore dear one.."

Om Namah Shivaya
I murmur steadily to myself repelling thoughts of “I just want to go home.”
There is no home, not outside in the physical world at least.
This here is a recurring theme.
Now I’m really traveling.
How dislocated will you become before you eliminate outside chatter,
and go to work paving the temple solace inside yourself,
the eternal home within the eternal om,
the exterior is irrelevant.

Oh Mae Sai,
soot and smoke bellow up from your belly
placing masks on the mountains at your back,
your wretched reflection glows unforgiving in the street.
Glorious, unpainted authenticity.

**** the farangs, they’re just passing through.
Smile til my face hurts,
it mostly makes no difference,
and then when I’m feeling so unwanted that I can’t hold back the tears,
you throw me curve ***** with every passing street.

A little Burmese babe with the brightest smile
still unsure of how fast her feet will carry her,
she dashes to my right and with the smacking sound of her lips
and the grace of her palm she blows me a kiss.

Thank you sweet one,
that’s just what I needed…

free smoke
white coke
selling dope
stay in your lane it's a slippery *****
looking into a kaleidoscope
look for me i'm around the globe
shine so bright i bring a glow
headshots on my frontal lobe
she's always calling "pick up the phone"
**** girl like leave me alone
can't u see i'm tryna get blown
all she do is roll her eyes & moan
i'm just tryna stay in my zone
i swear she's too young like post malone
keep my drama light like keystone
you can work that *** but what you do with that nose
if i'm being honest i'm just tryna bone
play me like a saxophone
acts take play that i will condone
already forgot ya , ya shoulda known
didn't i tell ya my time was on loan
back in the studio , put on my headphones
tell a story but first i gotta break it down