do you feel the same or is this just another sick game being played on me
why do i always end up hurt?
i dont care anymore
what happens happens, i have no choice but to
breathe
through
it

for the first time, i am sitting in a coffee shop
alone, eating a snack
very out of character
in the mood for poetry, although i do wish i had a hot coffee
it feels natural to be here
there are people enjoying their afternoons, reading and browsing on their computers
a happy family that does not know each other
peace :)

tomorrow, yesterday, two weeks from now or eight years later
all to you with no second thoughts
c
a        r
r            a
  e                  s
f                        h
  o                             i
r                                   n
m                                        g
e                 please                   !

Don't you dare mourn for me,
I know you never cared,
You left me hanging on a tree,
Say "I love you" You never dared.

Don't you dare mourn for me,
You never loved me anyway,
I loved you and that's the "tea",
These words I needed to say.

Don't you dare mourn for me,
All I was, was loyal,
I wish you could've finally seen,
Now I'm six feet under soil.

Please don't mourn,
I sometimes wish I were never born.

lately, I have been feeling lost
my body is no longer my home, a stranger inhabits it
I do not know her. she is cruel and evil and vile in every way
she is weak and hopeless, a mass of everything about me
that makes me sick to my stomach

this woman lies, steals and cheats
hurts those closest to her and laughs about it
everything is a joke to her, the pain and suffering, manipulation
remorse is not even a thought that crosses her mind
she is a truly sick individual

she expects everyone to be different
the opposite of her, but she doesn't even know
she is the monster she has been fearing her whole life
a mistake, some might say. they wouldn't be wrong
she will never learn, but I pray

I would like to come home
I would like to be myself again, to be whole
but I fear this woman will own me as if I was her pawn
she will use me to get close to my friends
and hurt them like the others

She has already done it.
This woman is in me now. A chill down my spine.
I need to change, or I will do the same as she has. Create pain.
I cannot be the monster I've feared. I won't.
I refuse.