I want you to want me unrequitedly.
I want you to see me in your morning cereal and in each sidewalk crack and in the ink of every headline,
while I am blind.
I want you to hear me in the songs on the radio and in the pounding of the raindrops and the birds chirping for the summer sunrise,
while I take out my hearing aid.
I want you to remember the name of my favorite poet and the way my hair falls over my eyes when I'm tired and the rage I have inside of me that come with thunderstorms,
while I only remember the stars.
I want you to feel naked and alive and cut open and brimmed with acid tears,
while I am clothed and dead and made of granite.
I want you to feel about me the joys of the world and the heightened feeling of love and the way you've never felt about anyone else before,
while I feel nothing.
I want you to want me
Unrequitedly,
So hurt me with your tears,
I'll bathe in them.

What do you mean,
Why am I on drugs?
I don't do this to hurt myself
I do it to survive

There's so much about the way leaves look.
Under light.
Wet with rain.
I seize up.
Memories.
Of service.
Rush into.
My safe space.
For all I've hardened is just a front.

I have tears in my eyes and you push me away
This is friendship?

I laugh with you and am given a ***** look
This is friendship?

I tell you I love you and you leave me behind
This is love?

I tell you if I cry yet you can't tell your in love
This is love?

I listen to you and try to understand but all you do is scream at me
This is family?

I tell you I'm in love and you slap me with insults
This is family?

I cry every night and I know it'll never stop
This is life?

I want to die and stop breathing and scream for help though it never comes
This is life?

I never have to hurt again
This is death?

I can stop having to pretend to smile
This is death?

Woke up to a nightmare
Where gravity disappeared
Scrambling around mid-air
Just to find no one's there
Bright florescent light
Hiding away midnight
It's just not the same
It doesn't feel right

All this pretending
Is bringing me nothing
All this anger
Is making me more empty
Scrambling around in mid-air
Just to find no one's there

Spending everyday
Breaking under pressure
Over digging countless holes
For some kind of treasure
Just to have someone
Fill them back up
Send me out again
And tell me I'm worthless

All this pretending
Is bringing me nothing
All this anger
Is making me more empty
Scrambling around mid-air
Just to find no one's there

And I don’t know where I’ll go
If this light bulb should break
Falling down into a deep darkness
That I’ve tried so hard to escape
The same darkness I have made

There are plenty of fish in the sea
But none like you
As the bottom feeders sank so low
We swam way up high
But we fell into a whirlpool
And I didn't take it right
Don't want any drugs
Don't want any alcohol
Just want you to know
I'm still here after all
Scrambling around mid-air
Just to find no one's there

https://spencercarlson.bandcamp.com/track/mid-air