for the first time ever
i find myself to be so taken by someone
so in love
that it physically pains me.
my breath knocks,
my heart trembles,
my blood rages.
i’ve become a jumble of sensations
and there is nothing but him.

let me go.
let me go.
snip,
     snip,
          snip,
               snip.

you brought me sticks of honey;
like the words that dripped from your lips,
they melted across my tongue.

we had laid as one
“i can feel your heartbeat—“
perhaps the rain made me recall it.

i don’t think that i ever fell out of love with you.
through everything
1200 miles
other flames
falling-outs and re-kindlings
no love has turned my stomach so
stolen through my veins as steadily
burned quite as brightly
as the love i keep for you.

the sky is poignant with the scent of life
and the air is thick with color.

it is as though i can taste the stars
feel beats of ignescent hearts inside my cheek.

there is a thread connecting us, you said
and i agreed
but one end is tied around my heart
while the other loosely circles your fingertip.

sometimes i think that the moon is mine
and that i am the the moon’s.
her craters wink at me,
a signal of secrets shared and kept.

“we must hage the courage
to change the things we cannot accept
and to accept the things we cannot change”
but what if this thing
i cannot change
nor can i accept?

and so
the tears filter through my lashes;
i let them salt my tastebuds.

you wrapped me in your arms
decorated me with kisses
my forehead,
each of my knuckles,
my cheeks,
my lips;
said you’re bound to me.
you took too much.
i have no more to give.

sometimes i eat
sometimes i eat until my body aches for an end
but the taste is always too satisfying to stop.
it's just the aftertaste
the lingering feeling in my stomach
that punishes me.

my throat thickens with layers of unshed tears
and once again
i find myself forgetting how to breathe through the pain of longing.

the thought of you,
lingering in the mezzaine of my thoughts,
makes my scars itch.

and so now
when you choose to find me again
i will not be found.