I love being home alone

The peaceful knowledge
of having no expectations placed onto you

The welcoming silence
of solely your own voice and opinions

The loving embrace
of the warm air all to yourself

I love being home alone
Just me and the walls
But sometimes it gets dark
The sun setting early
The air becoming stiffer
Aware of my idleness

We all searching,
searching for
something
something that makes us feel alive,
something to connect us,
to give our lives meaning,
even if only for a moment.

But sometimes the worst thing
that can happen when you searching for something
is
you can find it.

And that moment becomes
your forever.

Was it because you made it?
Or it made you?

And would your life be any different,
if you had not searched for it
at all?

Summer heat
Barefoot running on a blacktop street
Lazy days
Swimming pools
summer vacation
There is no school
12 years old
To be again
One more time till the summer ends

the sky is pretty tonight
and clouds stretch across the sky like a hand
reaching for the stars
i cannot see the moon
But I see you
and your light shines brighter than
any moon or star
You are My sun
i turn, like a sunflower
to follow each of your footsteps
always facing, always reaching
never growing closer
but the sky is pretty tonight
And i will rest my head on your arms
and wish on shooting stars for a day
the sun will return my affection
and dream of fields of wild sunflowers
in bright summer light

There was a time not so long ago when my head hung down and my spirits were low
Forever in a funk and moving slow
I needed a pick-me-up to help me go
My spirits were crushed and I had no faith in trust
Down on myself and feeling pretty low
My back against the wall with nowhere to go
God came calling
He showed himself to me
In all of his glory, he made me see
How much better life can be……
If I believe in his story
Believe in his faith
Believe in the sacrifices that he made
I can live each day better than the rest
No longer broken beaten and depressed
I can live without worry
Without hate
In Jesus name, God is great!

I

She exits herself on the
Sofa. Blanket, dog, and bits
Of a poem on a pad of paper

On the table, like a half-eaten
Piece of homework.
Shades of wine on her sleeping

Lips. Exits herself; space-walks
Outside that frame of mind she's
Been expected to hang herself

On the wall within; she knows
There is more.
There has to be more.

II

She has to be more.
Like so many writers, she falls
Asleep working. Sometimes

Works to fall asleep.
Digging her way through
Herself, mining for words,

Hacking away at painful pasts,
Gathering emerald experiences.  
Diamond doubts and ruby

Regrets all fuel her poetry.
And she reads, spotlight kissed;  
Audience adored,

Goosebump summoning; hairs
On arms and necks stand up as
She whispers directly to me.

About me. Because of me.
In front of everybody.
To music, and I've brought a box

Of pins, and between each of her
Every word, I drop one. And I
Swear to the gods, you can hear

Them all. Like the unsteady
Ticking of a clock too cool to
Care.

III

Poetry jewelry; set with stones
From her innermost. Chips of
Gold from her heart melted

Down to a key pendant she
Holds in her hand; chain dangling,
Eyes closed, forehead resting

Against a door she knows it is
Time to open. Key in one hand,
Pen in the other,

She
Enters
Herself.

Can’t you see?
It’s time for me.
I’ve played the tune in lower key,
Where silence hums eternity.
So what’s the deal? I’ll keep it real,
I ain’t afraid, my bed is made.

I guess the devils got a place for me.

I’m not so bad when I know the truth,
Confessions end in a lonely booth.
I’ll see you there amongst the flames,
With Paul and Peter and St. James.

Oh I danced with doubt, drank with pain,
Slept in the gutter, sang in the rain.
Laughed at life, cried at death,
Made peace with ghosts and held my breath.

I lit my sins like cigarettes,
Watched 'em burn with no regrets.
The preacher screamed, “You still got time!”
But I was too far gone in song and rhyme.

The Devil’s got a place for me,
Front row seat, infernal heat.
I'll bring the wine, you bring the scars,
We’ll toast beneath those falling stars.
And if the angels disagree
Well, hell was always home for me.

I wore the guilt like second skin,
The price I paid to let light in.
But now I walk with open eyes,
No more prayers, no more disguise.

The mirror told me all I need:
I’m not the monster, just the seed.
Planted deep in doubt and dirt,
Grew thorns of rage from every hurt.

No choir sings for blackened grace,
But I still smile in this cursed place.
Don’t need no wings, I’ve got my voice
And fire is just another choice.

So use your brain, break every chain.
This world was wired to make you tame.
But in the spark, the mind sets free,
A thousand doors, infinity.
The fools obey, the brave create
And I walked right through the fiery gate.

The Devil’s got a place for me,
And that’s just where I’m meant to be.
Can’t bribe my soul, or buy my fate
I built this path, I sealed the gate.
So come on down, and dance with me
Where truth is raw, and we’re finally free.

Why don't you come down and join me.
But freedom's price ain’t peace or grace,
It’s seeing Hell in a clearer space.
You break the chains, then break some more
And find the Devil at your door.
The devils got a place for me.

The ocean does not ask where you’ve been.
It crashes against the rocks without judgment
spray rising clust like breath,
like a reminder to be.
Some stones never move.
Others roll softly,
carried where they’re meant to go.

You can’t force the tide,
only meet it.
Let it touch your ankles,
your thoughts,
your fear.
The gulls and seabirds don’t need directions.
They follow the wind
and still arrive on time.

You are no more lost
than the foam on the waves
momentary, yes,
but exactly where it belongs.
Even when the sky goes quiet,
the sea speaks.
Not in answers,
but in rhythm.
The salt clings to your skin like memory.
The wind combs through your hair
like it’s known you forever.
You came here wondering
if you had drifted too far.

But the ocean always finds you.
Even the rocks know this.
Especially the ones
that have moved.