I haven't felt like
Myself lately
I've felt
Different

Because I've gone through
Stages
From my innocent little girl phase
To a person who was
Bombarded
With the things of this cruel world
And had to feel everything
So strongly
To a girl who is
Emotionless
To everything

Because I don't feel
An ache
Or a break
In this fragile heart
Deep in my chest anymore

I feel nothing

And something drastic could happen
And I know
I would still feel
Nothing

-e.w.

I'm on the edge

Wishing that you'd come along
With a strong rope
That could help me up

I promised myself
I would never ask for help

But I'm too far gone,
Too weak
To not ask

I'm scared,
Petrified
Sitting here
Wishing that I could find the gun
And pull the trigger
With one motion
Of my shaking finger

Because if someone,
Anyone,
Doesn't come
And save me

I don't think
I'll be here

To see the lovely sunrise
Tomorrow morning

I hate
Every inch
Of this *******
Skin
That I live
In

And that's why
If you talk to me
Late into the horrible,
Terrifying
Nights

My face will be
Streamed with
Black lines

As my cheeks
Are as red
As the liquid
Dripping from my
Innocent wrists.

-e.w.

I talked to you
about all the mixed up stuff
kept away in my
head

You were understanding
and helpful
and it was great
And I felt
much better than usual

You helped me so much
when I thought you would
get mad

But you didn't

And I'm so thankful
for everything you do

-e.w.

There’s nothing left
I’ve come down to the end
I’ve fought my war long enough

I can feel death’s fingers
Wrap around my neck with ease
I’m losing my breath

Why can’t it be over?
Why can’t I just end it?

There’s a bottle of pills on my counter
With my name labeled across it
Begging me to gulp them down

There’s a bottle of alcohol
Next to the pills
Begging for me to take a few sips

But why is it so hard?

It would take 60 seconds
60 seconds for my body to collapse
Fade away

I would love that
It would be an escape
An escape from this hell

People don’t even try to help
I suffer
In silence

I’m sorry I’m like this
I really am
But the depression is the sea

And I am forever drowning in it

-e.w.

I have this horrible feeling
Deep inside my
Stomach
That without me
You might do something
Drastic
And without you
I'm feeling
Like I may do the
Same

Because you're my
Bestest friend
In the entire
World
And I'm so sorry
That I moved
To another stupid state
Just 3 hours
Away from you

Because it's so hard
For me
To see you like this
And I feel like
It's all my fault
Because I left
When I feel like
Without you
I may attempt
To be gone
Forever.

-e.w.

The sound pounds through my body
Shaking my bones,
Rattling my heart

I'm inches away
From the man singing the words
That speak to me

He looks at me
As the words transfer through the mic
Swimming straight to
My rattling ear drums

I beg for the night to go on forever
For this moment
To never end

I want him to keep singing

Because with every lyric
I fall more in love
With the music

That fills my aching bones.

-e.w.

I got drunk
and punched walls
until I couldn't even recognize
or feel my hands

don't you dare call me weak
ever again

-e.w.

I haven't been
Doing very well
These past few weeks

And part of me thought
I was over this;
This never ending
Sadness

But it came
Creeping back up
Because I always
Let things get to me
And they just can't seem
To leave well enough
Alone

Because I've become
Sadder than ever
And it's like
My heart has been replaced
With this black hole
Slowly ******* me in

And somehow
You don't seem to notice
Or,
Maybe you try to
Ignore it

But you're the man
Who raised me
Who has been by my side
Through thick
And thin

So I don't understand
How you could not see
That your little girl
Is slowly
Dying.

-e.w.

I hope
When I leave
This stupid town
I have someone new
To think about
All day
And to help
Quiet my loudest
Demons
Instead of still lingering
On someone like you

Because you have
A face of an
Angel
But the poison
Of bad intent
Coursing through
Your veins
Like the devil.

-e.w.

I'm sitting here
Listening to music,
Sitting outside
And enjoying
That for once,
I'm not worrying about anything

And I get to
Clear my mind
And not think
About anything
Except the stars
That hang,
Or float,
Or however they stay
In the tidal wave colored
Sky.

-e.w.

I told you
You would get sick of me
You would say that I
"Need help"
When really all I need
Is you to talk to me and make sure
I get to tomorrow

But no
My depression has now
Crawled to the surface
And can be seen
By everyone who dares to
Look

And now
You look at me
Like I'm a monster
Like I want to be this way
Like I meant to hurt you
I never wanted this
I promise I didn't

I promise
I promise
I promise

Please stay

Please
Please
Please

-e.w.

Two more days
Until I get to hear
The songs
That keep me alive
And see the two boys
That make all that
Possible

Because they write the
Music
That help me get
Through the days

And lately,
This concert has been
The only thing
I'm staying alive for

-e.w.

you used to make me want to write
happy poems
and be happy
but now all you make me want to do
is rip my skin open
and drink
and smoke
until there's nothing left of me

-e.w.

People don't really know
Anything about me
Except that I have blonde hair
Green/blue eyes
And fingernails
Bitten down
To the nub
From the anxiety
That course through
My veins.

But really
There is much more to me
Than meets the eye

Because I have moved
About a gazillion times
From Florida,
To Utah
To California
Back to Utah
To this cold wasteland
They call Idaho

I never really let anyone in
Because I never
Have time to
Because I'll be somewhere
For a year,
Maybe two,
And then get up
And leave to another place
With millions of new faces
That most I will never
Get to meet.

That my parents
Live in separate houses
And had this thing called
"Divorce"
Which keeps them a state away
Because my mom
Back stabs everyone she meets
And is the most negative person
I have ever met.
And this is why I live
With my Dad
Whom I adore
Because he has been through
So much
And is still here.

That just a year ago
I dreamt of being famous
And standing on a stage
Singing my heart out
Doing what I loved
And yes I say loved
Because it was an old dream
One that I realized
Was not a dream
I could make
Reality.

That my favorite color
Is teal
Because of the boy's eyes
That I fell for
Or maybe
It reminded me of the ocean
And how I longed
To live there one day
And get to stand in
California
Because somehow I think
I belong there
Belong with the ocean
And the palm trees
And maybe they have
Better people than here.

That I would do anything
To get away from
This stupid town
Because every time I move
It's just onto
Another stupid town
I want to just buy a plane ticket
And fly to California
Or somewhere
Far, far away.

Because I can't stand
Living somewhere
That I hate

Because I want to be
Happy.

And guess what?

Three more years
And I can finally leave

To where I can forget
About moving so much

To where I can maybe
Get attached to people
And not have to leave

To where I don't have
To think about
The woman who raised me
Turned into this monster
Who I never thought
She could become.

To where I can
Move onto a new dream
One that I can
Really make
Reality.

So this is me
Sumed up in this
Confusing and
Long poem

So now I'll be done
With who I am

Who are you?

-e.w.

I’m shaking
I can’t breath

I’m lost
I’m stuck
I don’t know where I am

You reach your hand out
A way for help
You made me love you

You talked to me
Made me feel important
Like I actually mattered

You understood me
You were going through it too
I helped you as you helped me

It lasted 17 days
That’s all
Until I was just another person

Left on the floor
Broken
Like a shard of glass

I had no one
No one to understand
To help

Yes, I have friends
But they aren't like you
I felt something with you

You smile in the halls
You wave
I smile back

But I’m silent
I realize it was over
Before it even started

Then why do I miss you?

-e.w.

you stopped asking how I was
so I stopped talking

you stopped saying nice things to me
so I distanced myself

you stopped putting me first
so I ripped myself apart

you stopped calling me beautiful
so I stopped trying to be

you stopped caring
so I showed you I was better at not caring

you stopped loving me
so I wound up here, crying my eyes out
wishing I could disappear

-e.w.

"I have to ***."
Was the first text
I got from you
After 3 weeks
Of nothing

You were
Sitting across
From me
In the only class
We have
Together

You smirked
When you saw
That I got the text

I didn't want to smile
Or show any emotion
I didn't want
To give you
The satisfaction
That you can still
Make me
Happy,
Even if it's just for
A split second.

And yet,
I smiled
Wider than the
Sky.

-e.w.

It's nights like these
That I wish
I could just
Disappear

-e.w.

Right now
The only thing
I want to do
Is just sit here
And not worry about
One
****
Thing

-e.w.

I write these words
Arranged in different sentences
As they sit nicely
On the lines of a poem
So I can maybe make something
Out of the hell raging on
Inside my mind.

-e.w.

I have this feeling
Deep inside my chest
That I need to
Stop loving you

Because I look at you
With longing eyes
But you walk right past
With longing strides

My name gets caught
Between your lips
As it slides right out
I'm wishing that it hadn't

You've broken me
Oh, so many times
I know I'm stupid,
But I can't help it

Because yet again,
I fall for you
With every word you say
With every smile you flash

I promised myself
That I would try to not love you

But here I am,
9:04 on Valentines Eve

Falling for you
Yet again.

-e.w.

You give me
Such terrible,
Bone crippling
Anxiety
And it feels like
My heart
Is ready
To leap out of
My chest
Whenever you're
Around.

-e.w.

I don't know what to do
when I get like this
when I feel like collapsing
and relapsing
and I can't catch my *******
breath

-e.w.

There was nothing I liked more
Than walking past you
Pretending I didn't see you
As you stared at me,
Yearning for me to look

But I didn't
And I never do

Because I told myself awhile ago
That if you wanted me
You would've tried
At least a little
To talk to me
And try at
Whatever the hell
This is,
Or was
Between
Us

-e.w.

You have
Her
And I have
No one.

While one month ago
I thought
I had
You.

But I was stupid
And naive,
Once again,
So I fell for you
A beautiful
Blued eyed boy.

Because I thought
For just
One moment
You could've been
Different.

-e.w.

My family and friends
Call me a grandma
Because I normally am asleep by 9
At the latest

But when my mind
Cant stop thinking
About you
And I have this stupid smile
Stuck on my face
From your jokes and
Telling me about all the things
I should stay alive for

My head just won't let me sleep
Because it's too busy
Trying to figure out how I got
So lucky.

-e.w.

You saw
The thin scars
That line
About halfway
Up my wrist
And how
4 or 5
Were still
Swollen
And red
From two
Nights before.
We were at
Dinner,
But I saw the look
That petrified
Your face
As my sleeve
Inched up
And as your eyes
Examined them
Carefully.
You seemed sad
But you didn't
Say a word,
You just quickly
Changed the subject
As I felt like
Crying.

But it's been
Five days now
And you haven't
Confronted me
About the battle
Going on
On my pale wrist

But you've been
More considerate
And nicer
And actually
Made me feel
Like you're
Worried about me
Like you realize
That just because
I act tough
And strong
That may be
The farthest from the
Truth.

-e.w.