For a moment, right now, pretend that forgiveness will never feel like taking a bet. That the phrase, "I love you," Is not just another form of turrets. Pretend that you've got a pocket heavy with change and you walk like a wishing well wind-chime. And you've got a nickel in there for every time you cried for something. And your chance to change is as easy as flicking your thumb. Launching a coin into a pool of water. Pretend that you've got a penny melted and molded from the iron in your blood. Pretend that that wish will come true. Pretend that I just put mine down on a bet on you. Double or nothing, because ******* kid, to me, you mean something. And I don't mean any big life success. This is deathbed memories type ****. Who was there when it mattered type ****. Pizza on the car hood when the mice are asleep in the oven and the birds have nested in the old stove burners. Finding safety in a hammock held up by the corners of a mouth. Warmth in arms when you realized how cold it was actually going to be down south. For a moment right now pretend. That you've got a friend with a body made of drawbridge and hands strong enough to close it when you need to. Eyes like a moat. A blanket quilted from your lover's muscles. For a moment right now pretend that that friend isn't me. It's you. Forget God. Forget finding forgiveness and love there. On the inside that friend is you. Making penny bets like a Philippino woman in the smoking section of a casino. Double or nothing. 50/50. Pretend now that I'll be there too. Tossing coins in a well. Wishing only the best for you.

today you made my bones shiver
like you were the winter frost
and i was an an old birch tree
i can feel my leaves turning crisp
breaking off, crumbling
deteriorating

today you made my bark peel
flecks of me twisting onto the solid dirt
turning cold in the frost, hard and stiff
leaving me naked before you
I am splinters and knots
vulnerable

today you came as the axeman
blunt weapons at my side
the deer are scattering at the noise
the birds tweeting madly, desperate
the wolves howling
you've stolen my limbs now
claimed them as your own

I am only a stump

bright and brilliant
is what you are.
empowering and
majestic in every way
imaginable.

i could try to
escape, but you
flow faster than
my legs can sprint
and you'd end up in my
path again.

i could stare
into you forever
and find a new color
in your eyes
every time.

i could listen to
your voice on end
and never
grow weary of the
stories that spill.

you are hot
and boiling magma
racing towards me;
threatening my well-being,
but you have me too
in awe to flee.

faster and faster
you trickle in
my direction
down the
mountainside volcano.

then you reach me
and I'm buried and
burned under beautiful
****** lava that is you.

The best part about waking up with a hangover

Is that I feel like so much ****

That six hours later

After the headache has passed

And solids stay where I want them to

And you suckerpunch me in the throat again

I find comfort knowing

At least

six hours earlier

I felt worse

I left and ran away
I never looked back
I just kept on going
and I made this all up
I didn't do any of that
I said, I made it all up

But in the same way
My mind made it up
exactly the way I wanted it to be

I wanted it to hurt just a little
and I wanted it to be wonderful

I wanted you to kiss me goodbye
and you did

And just like that I wasn't making it up anymore
I was running from it all
But not because I despised it

I ran away to do nothing and everything
at different times

I ended up by myself
Watching some water waver
Between two rocks

Some fish played in the that spot
It was beautiful
And that meant way more to me than just water

So very many people speak
that so very little is ever said.
Words pour in from all around,
surrounding, inundating
those who dare listen.

The little overheard
through the din
is oft rathered to have
gone unheard after all.
It is so very unfortunate.
Here, my addition to it.