I thought of myself
As a phoenix
Set aflame

Now
I'm just
Ashes and Dust

Look at the mess that I've made.

Enraptured by the glories
And wisened by each sin
I drink in every story
Written by many a pen

I find myself afloat
In seas of ink
Adrift without a boat
Into the words I sink

Immersed in their pages
As many men and women
Dance across as many stages

I find solace beneath the black waves
Bound betwixt two covers
They bring me so much joy
And always brighten my day

I can see myself
destroying
my own dignity,
popping it like
bubble-wrap
and watching as it
deflates
under my
forcible
fingertips.

She lit the past with a match.
Watched the flames lick the
walls as they danced slowly
then all at once. We'll never be
the same again that's all he said.
Collecting the ash of what was left
and taking my hand to walk over to
the river side in the dead of night. Shut
your eyes and blow the pain away in
the wild winds. This is your chance to
live again and feel your heart beat from
within. Because a beauty like you deserves
to be loved and unbroken. I'll mend your
chest stitch up that precious heart of yours.
And fill the cracks of your bones with
nothing but the purest kind of love. We'll
never be the same again he said as he leaned
down and kissed her forehead. I'll make sure
you never experience anything bad or sad like
you did before we met. Now come on darling it's
almost time for bed. Let me wrap you with my
arms of dazzling gold to keep you warm instead
of the blanket that you just burned and claimed
it dead.* ~

It's all coming down.
That which I built up over the years,
brick by brick
with bleeding hands.

I realise now
what it all meant,
those unthought actions and
unacted thoughts.

And I see it all before me
like the sad endings of the movies
you don't want to watch.
Your face in the mirror just like
you wish it wasn't.
Secrets in a drawer and
you regret having looked.

Each story they tell you is like
another dash
- on the canvas that shouldn't be
painted.

Maybe there's a reason for it all
and one day you'll be given a diploma
you don't really need.
Because they're telling us
you'll learn.

But what do you do when you
haven't learnt yet
and the mistakes are still
being made?

And that which you are hiding from
is chasing you
like the sea at your ankles and
it's too cold
so you're running
and you're scared
because this wave is bigger
than the one before.

Suddenly you're drowning
down and down
until you feel your palms press
flat
against the bricks from all that time
before.

You open your eyes for just the
slightest second
to see them stained red
and you know where that's from.

But they're in your way,
why won't they budge?
And you feel yourself
slipping away from under
whatever it was you used
to shield yourself.

It's all fading
and the bricks are
rebuilding themselves
but only in your mind because
that is what happens at
the end.

And you're wishing you had smiled
at the boy on the swing who
didn't yet know the world
and the girl running out of the
school gates on her last day
and the old couple who
kept on bickering.

You wish you had smiled
before it was too late.