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Cigarettes aren’t hands to hold
And bottle mouths aren’t lips to kiss
But it’s much better lighting yourself on fire when you’re cold
Then giving someone else the power to burn your wrists
Because I’ve seen it all,
What love does to pathetic boys and girls who fall
It forces them to build castles in the clouds even though they've never believed in happy endings
And it makes them bleed out their organs and break their bones when they’re pretending
Love, it always comes. So sweet. So innocent. So delicate.
It tickles you pink and makes you believe that it’s all real, all definite
But it’s not. It’s just raw and confusing and most of all sappy
And if it’s all of that, it’s bound to be messy
And you can’t leave a mess, you have to clean it up and make things right
And when you do, Love will leave you.
Leave you standing alone on a rainy night,
Leave you crying on the bathroom floor,
Leave you chopping out your heart because it resides in your core,
Leave you wishing that you were dead instead of burning alight.
Love does that to you, it comes and you think its job is to save you
But all it does is destroy what you were, making you numb and blue
So I’d rather sit alone and hold my cigarette
And kiss my bottles of amnesia that let me forget
Because I know, I know they’re made to **** me
My demise is something that I can always clearly see

*~{Love’s a liar. And a cheat. But most of all, love’s a beautiful catastrophe that makes you fall for the pretty and forget about the mess”}
Umm, I think it's important to point out that I don't smoke, neither do I drink, I was simply inspired by the thoughts I have on these things
 Jul 2016 Emilee Ayers
Bailey
Today
 Jul 2016 Emilee Ayers
Bailey
I'm at the park on a beautiful, white-sunny day.
I'm with my loved ones, I see them playing in the sand.
My eyes get that lovely ache from the bright sun,
and I am warm, dry, and sleepy.
The wind tousles my hair softly,
I have dandelions in my pocket.
My head is hot and my feet are not.
I could stay this way for the rest of my days.

New bench, new scene.
Cooler wind, more green.
I smile at the leaves and yes, they smile back.
Ducks in the stream go quack quack quack.
Under my **** it says "NATE + MANDIE FOREVER".
Somewhere I wonder if they're still together.
 Jul 2016 Emilee Ayers
Bailey
The painting hanging above me,
it embodies the soul of a child.
I painted it with my hands.
The paint dried while I wept inside
at each drop of mortal sand.
My brother had nearly died three days before,
and suddenly,
all was possible.
Nothing was safe.
But I can do anything,
and the painting
is beautiful.
I am not an artist,
I am a messenger.
And my pain is lovely to human
re-ti-nas.
So I smear it around,
I make it go bye-bye
to say hello to the world
of art and critics.
Thank you.
 Jun 2016 Emilee Ayers
Bailey
God, if you're out there,
give me the strength that
your fallen creation used against me
when I was just a child

I'm just a child

Make me strong enough
to pry his fingers from my brain
the next night I feel death breathe
down my neck

The next time a demon
crawls in my ear
and reminds me
of my mortality

God if you're out there
take away what I was born with

God if you're real
why did you provide me with this terror?

God if you care
please make me strong like the Healthies

I was just a child
and you were my everything
I was devoted to you
gave my life to you
for fourteen years

Now it's been three years
since I've talked to you
since I've realized,
you're not there.
Or if you are,
you must not care.

Is my mind...
too far for repair?
I don't understand
what I did to deserve this
if there is even a reason.
If you even made reasons.

If reasons are real.
If anything is real.
If you are real.
I don't know what's real.

God, if you're out there,
give me strength.
I don't mean to offend anyone, this is just my personal experience that I've had with God and my childhood insanity that may or may not creep into my upcoming adult years.
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