2nd quarter: you brought me to places i had never been and introduced me to a world i had never known before. you taught me about heights and i learned to trust you as i fall. you showed me the depths of a world that i had heard of; but never quite knew of its existence - until i met you. you showed me the breadth of the universe and showed me just how far the horizon could go.

and the places you took me, i could never go back and
i have never been back since.
the last time i tried, i got so overwhelmed that i had to sit down and curl myself up, contracting my muscles, reminding myself,
you/ are/ stronger/ than/ this
but that did not stop my melancholic self from the innate desire to drown myself in a bottle of whiskey;
even with my father just centimetres away.


1st quarter: it's time you stopped fearing, and learned to let go. for the places that once held these memories will eventually lose their vile allure; and the minute you let go is the moment the hold that the past has over you vanishes. and maybe you will go to these places once again and think of the days you spent there, and realise that you feel nothing at all. you are not desensitised. you are no longer controlled by your past. you are free.

embrace it.

pick up that blade (right there)
and hurt me
cut your name across my skin (right here)
(remember to)
make it deep, make it count for
something other than what we
never could have been.
and i will look at the scars
and remember you forever until they
begin to heal and fade
just like the way you had said
"forever"
before you ran away.

fall in love with the cycles of the seasons.
the way that the only constant is change
and the way there is always,
always something to look forward to with each season
and how before you know it,
you have made one orbit around the sun.

and this time when i see you again,
i won't be sure what to think
or how to react or even what to
say to you after one long month of
crafting the perfect words that i will say for
i might just end up painfully
tongue tied and i won't lie -
i'm just preparing myself for
disappointment by my own hand.
or maybe by yours, but
i can be sure that
it will be nothing like the tearful
meeting that i had envisioned
one month ago.

we are all rocks. we are built up over many years, influenced by our surroundings as we weather and erode as part of the conditions we are subjected to - the trials that we are put through. we are compressed by the weight of heavy loads. we will be weighed down by our heavy hearts, and crushed by forces of the universe that are bigger than us. we are made up of many sediments, fragments of other rocks. the influence of others. we are the composition of everyone whom we've met, and their impact on our lives. some people leave larger pieces of sediment, while some are smaller than a tiny grain of sand. but they make us who we are today. and we never die. we live on for millions of years, you and me - these rocks are the physical imprints of our spiritual souls on the earth, because everyone affects something in one way or the other. we may not believe it, but believe this: we have the power to change the world - just by being here. we are a part of the bigger picture, a series of rocks that make up part of human history. wherever you go, you will have made your mark. be it just a tiny dent in the soil, or a boulder that fell from a mountain - realise that things would be different if you had not been what you are and gone where you've been.

i will light up with a voltage that will shock the room
my smile will be worth more than a billion dollars
the sun will shine even brighter than before and
on the other side, the moon and stars will dance
in perfect harmony, the way we shall be together once again
and i might hold your hand
shyly, although i have never done so before
because i want my actions to show you what
words cannot convey.

time
is never on anybody's side
it is the champion of the undisputed race
as no matter how you try to
buy it, **** it, or beat it
it always wins in the end

you run, run as fast as you can
trying to capture the blue skies along the way
not really getting anything -
why do we even run a losing race? (always?)
who ever created the concept of time?
why is it dictated that time be measured in
seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, years -
because they don't mean anything
why can't we measure time in moments:
after all, each person has their own concept of time
as such; time means a different thing to us all
and don't you see? we are just running a race
we don't even understand.

time runs like the upper course of a river;
vicious, majestic,
and we run with it, trying to hold as much
of its water while we can
but you can only hold a little in your hands
before it slips away
but sometimes, it leaves behind traces
of rocks, sediment, sand
and these are the moments; hold on to it
because they too, will slip away
and is lost forever.

so,
stop running then, you'd say
but if you do, every moment is a lost one -
and i guess although we are running a losing battle
we can still try to hold as much water as we can in the meantime
who knows, we might catch a diamond
in the river's load.
it is a (treasure it).
but what do you do,
when you run against a river
that is running dry?