I hadn't been able to eat for days
For a week or two now I've been enveloped in a state of rejection
Rejection and disinterest
I am falling into old habits and as I stand in them now,
I am allowing myself to be swallowed
And I don't know what eats me, I just know it is not me who eats

I am thrown off center, I feel unworthy, as though I train so hard and still take home a second place ribbon every time

Two blue birds
singing a different song throughout the night,

Two trains
mapping the locations and destinations of the other with whistling chants,

Two cunning spirits
colliding messages over and over,

Him and I are two hearts,
paralyzed in fear of losing

When, all the time, each of us just want to know love and trust

And most fervently: deeply know the other.

All the uncried tears
All the tears held in
Have nowhere to go but
In and down
Falling into my stomach
Drowning my organs
Extending my waist
I feel so sick
I can't breathe
I am lost and
I am alone

He loves me so passionately every time,
because he knows if he doesn't,
someone else will.

Because at the end I want to say I've loved all of you. I noticed,
I cared, I was there. I played a part. I respected your divinity, your mortality,

understanding time with your body and soul is not unlimited.

I acted with a pure heart. With a genuine devotion. With eyes which did not flit, and a body which stayed in its place. My mind did not wander, and my heart which in your presence, did always race.

tears
are the ink
for the pen
a poet uses
to write

Does he tell me the words I want to hear
because he's trained his ear to so many women's voices
Does he speak slow and soft for me
because he knows I want to hear him tell me beautiful things
Does he work up the courage to talk to me
Or does he simply do it with the smoothest of ease
Does he love me and want me like he claims to
Or do I just seem the easiest to please