I feel like we never truly age, the child inside of us just waits and bleeds

to tell a lie
succesfully
is to fully reign supreme over any art form
for lying trumps them all

Like a moth to flame
My desires cling to me like I am the only sinner left in the world
I never sold my soul
I never wanted to
I just dipped my fingers into that pool of darkness
And one day the stains started to appear

-
My soul is stained
My heart is tainted
My mind is a beautiful place but there are shadows lurking in the hallways of my minds palace
And I cannot dispute the fact that they scare me
They scare you too

-
I am taken over
Now they live in my person suit

-

Somewhere along the way I got really lost

-
So you don’t know me
I’m just a cover for what truly lies within
In the dark of the night
And in the silence of the day
You’ll see what’s inside of me
-
There’s really not much left of me
but I assure you, whatever scraps lay scattered inside of me, they are human

It’s the knife in my own holster .. and the blood spilt holds no value either

Keep me warm on a cold night

i really do just exist in my mind these days

when i move against you
i'm alive again

It's the honest truth

when i stare at myself in the mirror
i get lost in my eyes

i'm just
such
a
pretty
girl

I die each time I **** you

Getting full on emptiness and getting high off my pain

i have 15,000 slurs that could prove that I never forgot to let your name slip from my lips even when I slipped away from myself

She is very much alive
and the only thing that occupies her mind is how much she doesn't want to be

- - -
she knows that this thought is wrong
but all she cares about is her beautiful energy
it's lost
somewhere in the ether

- -
she is starting to accept her fate
but living is strange to her

-
she is alive

I've learnt that the harder you try, the harder things become

**** this ****  man
there's no emotion in words that are written down
it's monotone
black and white
with no grey areas

BUT I DON'T WANT THE HELP
I NEED TO DO THIS MYSELF
I HAVE IT IN ME TO LOVE MYSELF

NO ONE CAN HELP ME
I'M ALONE AND I LOVE IT
I'M ALONE IN THIS STRUGGLE AND THAT'S HOW IT SHOULD BE

SOMEHOW I'LL REWIRE MYSELF AND TURN THE LIGHTS IN ME BACK ON
SOMEHOW I'LL FIND MY COLOUR AGAIN
SOMEHOW I'LL KEEP TRYING

JUST GIVE ME TIME
GIVE ME TIME
TO LOVE MYSELF AGAIN

I don't want to be grey
in fact i don't have to be grey
i can be LOUD
and leave a burst of colour behind me wherever I go

I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself I hate my self

but /Never mind
LIFE WILL GO ON
IT ALWAYS DOES
I HAVE NO CHOICE
BUT TO GO ON

COME WITH ME
WE CAN SURVIVE
WE CAN DO THIS
TOGETHER

take my hand
stay with me
never let go

i feel for you, i really do but sometimes i need you to feel for me too

complete clarity brought about by a distorted image,
clarity so clear that it compares to the broken glass that ricochets off your vision.
swift
fluid,
think of ice, a realization, much like ice that remembers to stay frozen or to melt
clarity so clear that it gives you the same head rush as tilting your head back and letting your lungs fill with air.
natural
paced
ragged,
think of water, overlooked, much like my thoughts
clarity so clear, so sharp, that it is both inaudible and invisible.
faster
desperate
intoxicate
remember those lines, fine white lines, that altered our minds...yeah just like that
clarity so clear that i just don't understand
and understanding has no comparison.....

I know there's someone out there who can see what I see

i wish my heart could speak for itself
and not have to rely on my fingers to communicate its feelings

i wish my mind could control me
instead of you

I wish i didn't stay up until the stars no longer recognised me
so my soul could rest

i wish miscommunication didn't happen
so i could be happy

i wish....that you could touch me right now and make my reality disappear for a few hours

i wish i didn't have these thoughts
these little self destructive thoughts that ask for trouble
lie awake with me
take my pain away

inject me with life

but when you're gone
i regret everything
it makes me sick

and then i yearn for you once again

To love without caring
To feel without being able to express
To live but without passion

Is a crime
And a world full of endless suffering

To want but never get
To dream but never fall
To **** without fearing

Is no fun

To breathe and live another day is a labour
But it is this labour that keeps us alive

Passion is what gives us the life
It’s what gives us the colour
The drive
The smiles
The pain
That red stain
Her name
His face
Heart racing
Bodies shaking
Life
Death
Hope
And rain

It’s what runs through our veins
And we’re slowly dying

Give me another hit
Just one more
Please

It's funny how we like to sometimes drift off and imagine our lives to be something else.
it's funny how the people who have a stable life will dream and imagine of having the delight of an addiction to something whether it be drugs,alcohol,love or ******.
it's always an addiction to something  
people like to feel like they've got the weight of the world on their shoulders so they can say that they wished they were dead.
funny isn't it how we like to turn everything into a dark paradise
ever wonder why we can never make sense of our thoughts?
and ever wonder why we like to over complicate things?
and why we like to reassure ourselves
and how we like ourselves to be the only ones to understand something like this but still wait around for someone else to understand so an attraction can form?
and why we ask so many questions and continue to leave them unresolved?

she emerges from the flames
she's ready

her gaze is set
and it doesn't stray

it's almost as if i saw myself in the screen

Now I’m laying here, ******* on the floor
I tried to fill the void  

Fingers sticky with my sin
I feel empty

I guess this wasn’t the answer after all

We lost contact
I decided to revive it
Only to have you **** it again
To be revived no more

i'll play by the rules if you want me to
but that means i get to keep that chip on my shoulder
-
don't look into my eyes
you won't find what you're looking for
i buried that deep inside of me
-
do my hands shake?
my poker face gives nothing away
but my body always betrays me
-
open your heart for me
i'm your queen and i'll play you so well
-
want me to open my legs for you? just let me win
-
victory never tasted so sweet

Language is unrealistically beautiful,
Its captivating, the way only certain things can be expressed in one language and not the other
This means of communication, so much so like the concrete slab that you place over the gap to save yourself, revives the most insane parts of your mind. You begin to access your own psyche in such a way that is uncomprehendable because your perspective is so widely spread that the possibilities for anything is infinitely limitless. Language, communication, creation and our thoughts are the first and foremost foundations of our outlets, which without, we would cease to exist

Always being backed into a corner by yourself
Always stopping yourself
For what reason?
Am I over thinking?
I see you with others
It makes me feel confined
Confined into accepting the love you give me
For you won't let me fight
So you leave me confined

The angsty teen I grew up dreaming to be

But I hear things sometimes

And no one knows where the noise comes from

But

As  

The wood floors whisper

I start to whisper

my interest in you is an obsession
and i've found a way
to make you obsessed
with yourself
too

my existence is really getting to me at the moment
living as an adult is so empty
my true feeling is that i don't know how much longer i can take this
i'm still a really long way away from something like 30 but i would honestly consider ending things there

there's just nothing
life is empty
the years worth living have been lived, there's just nothing
i can't take my own existence anymore

i have invented a way to pause life

What is your fantasy?

I want to feel
I’ll do anything
Just to feel something

The stakes are high
But that turns me on
I have so much to lose
And nothing to gain

It’s all in the eyes
Can’t you tell I’m bluffing?

I've got so many more tricks up my sleeve and baby i'm just firing them out now

hold out your hand

**
close your eyes and just feel

When someone is angry and leads you into anger
On a lucky day, I'll stop and ponder
And just wonder
Why
Just what could have gone wrong in their day
To spark this anger
And sometimes getting to the root of the problem can be enlightening and fulfilling
But most of the time it only Serves to fuel anger
You realise that you're caught in this vicious circle of trying to justify another's action
Just to put your own emotions at rest
But I'm uncomfortable with empathy
And thinking of somebody else's feelings
It's very boring
It's unappreciated
So we should all stop
Not that I expected anybody to appreciate it
Because humans are horrible creatures
And human nature is the most sickening of all
The ******, the condemned and the crazy
We've all congregated here today
To witness the mass destruction of ourselves
Say your last words
Eat your last meal
And say goodbye

on my route to success
somewhere along the line
i changed
and i began to find myself
i never realized how or
why ?
----
i
learnt that
success will show you
all the faces you have
and it'll break every single one of them
until you don't have one
so when you find yourself
cherish it
because as fast as it appears
it disappears
i mean
you would have never thought it'd be this way
but it is

i just want slash and stab this empty vessel that I call a body
rip out my guts and end it all
choke on my own blood
and finish myself once and for all

Don't . Wanna . Get . Outta . Bed . Bcus . I'm . Too . Strung . Up . Over . You .

-

I have to be cautious
When exploring the other side of me
Because if I fall in too deep
We're all going to die
But I'm falling
Deeper and deeper

I can hear screams from the rabbit hole

My name...
They scream it everyday
My life..
They are slowly taking it away

And the worst thing is

It's the closest thing I've ever felt to friendship
It's a comfort...one of life's many indulgences
To dabble in the darkness of the human psyche

It's satisfying
To walk into a zone that is so off limits
And to have everyone stare at you
Judging loudly and being curious silently

I offer to help those in wonder discover
The worst parts of themselves

But they leave
They just give up

Because secretly we are all afraid
To realise that hell resides within us

So we run
Closer and closer to the good within us
Until it's too late
And we get hurt
Because the good within us
Really isn't good at all

Black, white and grey are all different kinds of evils

I used to love talking to you at night when you were in your study
even though we were miles away and I wasn't there it felt like our special place
because you spent all night there talking to me
bridging the gap whilst you were away
and you would tell me so many stories
and find old things in the drawer of your desk
-
and on the other side of the world I was in my childhood bedroom
whispering so my parents couldn't hear
but let's face it, I was always loud
and somehow never got caught
I guess because it was the summer holiday, they knew I didn't have to think about school just yet