my heart yearns to write
my emotions yearn to be expressed
my thoughts yearn to be free.

i would give anything to satisfy these pleas
but alas, i cannot.

my pen won't write,
my keyboard busies itself with essays and research, and
my creativity has gone mute.

it feels like my soul is stuck, frozen in time,
trying to force out the pretty words that produced so easily before.

the more i try, the harder it gets
the more i lie, the number it gets
the more i cry, the easier it gets.

perhaps i need to come from a different approach, like i have today
just stop bullying my feelings, just stop wringing my mind,

and be content just letting it flow.

it's funny;
i didn't remember what it was like to be young,
i mean,
i'm young now but
i guess what i mean is happy.
i don't remember what it's like to be happy.

it feels like invisible strings are all over my body
controlling me
choking me
contorting me

there's string for my wrists
ankles
legs
arms
ears
neck
heart...

sometimes they are taut
sometimes they go slack
but they're always there
just waiting
for someone to pull the line
and **** me back

sometimes
i give the strings away
those who i love always have at least one
usually the heartstrings
so when they love me
or resent me
they can just pull or loosen
and i will know

you know its kinda funny
so many people pull my strings daily
and yet
they are so oblivious to the fact
that the tightness is suffocating me
and if they don't let go,

i'll be woven to my death, like an insect fated to the spider's wrath

This madness within has driven me to
loneliness;
but perhaps, it is the loneliness that drove me to
madness.

my heart feels like the way you de-shell an egg
shaken up in a tupperware container!
aaah?!
what is this feeling?
eureka?
awe?
epiphany?
oh, yes.
happiness!!
i haven't felt this in a long time
thank you so much!
all of you who have listened to my emotions
written out on a screen
it makes my heart swell...!


...uh oh
i think i'm having a heart attack.