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Apr 2022 · 120
my ball
Ari Apr 2022
my ball
spinning ball, little ball
in this chest of mine
it turns 'round with me
we come rolling past the bend
i have no need for a heart that beats
when here is my ball friend
again and again
around and around
i don't need to think
as long as it keeps going
can't see the forest nor do i the trees
just the seeds we must keep sowing

sometimes the ball is squeezing
so tight i'm going numb
smaller 'til i think it can't anymore
and then it shrinks some
other times it grows so fast,
i can't keep track of it
it feels as if it's bursting soon
in my chest it can no more fit
my ball is soft; my ball is firm
my ball is heavy; my ball is light
since my ball keeps on bouncing
i can't give up the fight
we dance and duel
this ball and me
something i cannot drop
cause if i did
i'd be alone
and my being would surely stop
Continue reading...
Feb 2022 · 80
take it from me
Ari Feb 2022
take it from me
take it from me

take my lungs and my teeth,
just like you steal my breath
and my words, leaving me mute

take my blood and heart beats
they're laid out for you
i wear it on my sleeve

take my feet and my knees
i've nowhere to go and no more to beg
beyond this final please

take my left and my right hand
they're yours for you to hold, just
promise me a hug. i'll probably get cold

take my brain and my spine
you're all that's on my mind
i get chills when you are near to me

take it from me
it's for the best we do
my body is hopelessly in love
it's always about you
Continue reading...
Feb 2022 · 61
Daily Sensations
Ari Feb 2022
Daily Sensations
teardrops
heart drops
feelings won't stop
dripping by with ticks of the clock
the fears
nothing hears
wish it was more clear
ugly crying makes my sight blear
i seize
the breeze
blow life my way please
gripping breaths to put me at ease
we hate
the wait
could i change my fate
they think it might be too late
the burn
i learn
loving is an area of concern
too hot to touch, in time i still can't discern

hot and cold
day then night
soaking me to the bone
and the next moment dry
i think about all these things
letting the day pass me by
Continue reading...
Feb 2022 · 73
Right-Handed Betrayal
Ari Feb 2022
Right-Handed Betrayal
how could you be so cruel baby?
you took what you wanted and you've got it still
i don't even like you like that
but there's a barbed wire grip on me now
the tighter i pull the more it bleeds but yet i will

again and again the pages i write
practically a novel the story of my life
i told you before and i was telling the truth
and the chapters the passed with all my days
are all the same, the same dull story of strife

the pain you shared with me was all a lie
words dripped slow like honey, minutes passing by
same bittersweet honey that's filling me now, filling up each pore
when i realize it wasn't a fabrication, your story just as mine
except you write your happy endings, and all I can do is cry

i wish i was ready for you to make your move
a battle of heart, the prize a little piece of soul
you know you're not the first to checkmate
and the queen must protects the king
sacrifice leaves me angry just as it leaves a hole

it would be easier if you were a lover
by now i expect the familiar sting
we bared our cores, made even the score
but a friend who told me it was us vs them
should give love, not the backstab you had to bring

was that my only chance at a friend?
you ****** my hope dry i can't help but think maybe
you made a home in head, can't you see you're uninvited?
i euthanize each question quick but one still remains
how could you be so cruel baby?
He doesn't deserve these words but they deserve to be heard.
Continue reading...
Feb 2021 · 535
Just One Request
Ari Feb 2021
Just One Request
Lay in bed
Close my eyes
Hope the static
Behind them dies
Dream Dream Dream Dream Dream
Weigh me down
But I still float
Don't think too hard
Or I might choke
Dream Dream Dream Dream Dream
Soft and warm
Yet can't relax
Get up once more
I need a snack
Dream Dream Dream Dream Dream
Get back in bed
I lost my spot
Took 15 tries
To get how I got
Dream Dream Dream Dream Dream
Have happy thoughts
Ignore regret
They don't remember
What I said
Dream Dream Dream Dream Dream
Forgot the light
Another arc
I'm still afraid
of the dark
Dream Dream Dream Dream Dream
Now back in sheets
It all is set
My buzzing phone
Another threat
Dream Dream Dream Dream Dream
Non-stop scroll
Now check the time
It's half past 2
Such a crime
Dream Dream Dream Dream Dream
Peace and quiet
That's what I need
"Please shut up!"
But mind won't heed
Dream Dream Dream Dream Dream
It's almost dawn
I must complain
So much exhaustion
And endless refrain
Dream Dream Dream Dream Dream
I should get up
No longer steep
Alarm rings but
I'm fast--
Dream Dream Dream Dream Dream!
Continue reading...
Feb 2021 · 101
Curious
Ari Feb 2021
Curious
Why am I sad?
I don't know
Do I have to feel bad?
I don't know
Will it ever stop?
I don't know
How can tears continue to drop?
I don't know
What will happen if I wish?
I don't know
Can I take what I dish?
I don't know
Could I dream it all away?
I don't know
Should I run or instead stay?
I don't know
Is it empty inside?
I don't know
Might it leak outside?
I don't know
Is it what I deserve?
I don't know
Does anyone observe?
I don't know
Why won't the memories fade?
I don't know
Can't it change if I prayed?
I don't know
Is the silence maddening?
I don't know
Or is it rather saddening?
I don't know
Am I a captive?
I don't know
Are my thoughts maldaptive?
I don't know
Does time truly never pause?
I don't know
Is my destiny in it's jaws?
I don't know
Is it really really real?
I don't know
Is it a tape I can reel?
I don't know
Will the sun always rise?
I don't know
Is Tomorrow a curse or a prize?
I don't know
Does the cycle always repeat?
I don't know
Does my heart keep missing a beat?
I don't know
Is goodbye what he meant?
I don't know
Why won't he lament?
I don't know
Is it 2 already?
I don't know
Shouldn't my breathing be steady?
I don't know
How could the end be in sight?
I don't know
Can the dark exist without light?
I don't know
Aren't I better off dead?
I don't know
I swore that's what you said?
I don't know
When will the story come to close?
I don't know
How much will it expose?
I don't know

Will I ever know?
Will I ever know?



























































­














Wait and see.
Idk
#idk
Continue reading...
Oct 2020 · 68
On the Way
Ari Oct 2020
On the Way
i wish the words would just come out
or when they do they wouldnt go south
i wish everyone wasnt so focused on my mouth
i wish i did but, i don't know the route
i don't know
i dont know where to go
or who to be
or when to flee
or what to see
in you, or me, or we
the my view is stuck on one sight
doesnt matter the circumstance, always black or white
always good or bad, always wrong or right
bathing in darkness or blinded by light
the choices i make weigh
oh how they weigh
on my heart,
my mind,
my life, and
my soul
This was sitting in my drafts so I guess I'll post it.
Continue reading...
Jan 2019 · 131
Zzz
Ari Jan 2019
Zzz
I'm just floating through space
And I just can't replace
The feeling that I get when I'm with you

I sigh and close my eyes
No matter what I try
My heart cannot deny my love is true

Yes we're miles apart
But honey, we see the same stars
Why you love me, I haven't a clue

I figure we're meant to be
Even though its hard to see
My feelings, you already knew
I love you

And so I'll sing your song
My words just can't be wrong
The passion we feel they can't subdue

It's best I come clean,
You're the best boy I've ever seen!
You'll get what I mean...
You always do.
Continue reading...
Sep 2018 · 209
An Ode Overdue
Ari Sep 2018
An Ode Overdue
I don't know if anyone would understand if I told them how I feel,
A clear explanation is something I long to have.
I'm hardly ever honest, especially with myself,
But I realized there is one I could anyways be honest with.

One who accepts my lies and my truth, whichever I wish to share.
One who has no expectations other than that I be myself.
One who indulges in my vices and virtues.
One who has known me all these years.

One who is there when the tears fall,
One who is there when my lips stretch into a smile.
One who is warm comfort in the frigid night,
One who soothes my burning rage with a cool kiss.

One who connects me with millions holding but a pen,
So that I never feel truly alone.
One who captures my thoughts when they slip through my fingers.
One who treasures every syllable in every word, and sentence, and line.

One who takes many forms, but in all of them is there for me.
One who treasures the power of the tongue,
Yet the only one who heard my cries when they fell silent on human ears.
One who harbors the weakness to express my emotions,
When I can't find the strength to say a word.

This is the one who is a savior to my tender heart.
Her name is Poetry.
Continue reading...
Sep 2018 · 177
My Mainstay
Ari Sep 2018
My Mainstay
to lose all my senses
is just so typically me
oops, you did it again
playing with my heart
wondering why you've done this
always from the start

you know i'm in love
i think you're sent from above
but you're not that innocent, are you?
are you really serious?
my problem is this:
i'm foolish in all the ways
and i cry during my days
wishing so many different things
all that happened,
if only i could press repeat

you know,
things just don't sit
well
and in the end, it doesn't matter
'cause, oops, you did it again
and you'll do it again
and again
making sure
i'm lost in the game
i fear you'll forget my name
and things will stay the same
Is it weird that a Britney Spears song is oddly inspiring?
Continue reading...
Aug 2018 · 1.0k
Here we go again
Ari Aug 2018
Here we go again
oh here we go again.
same tears, same pain, same pen
writing down the words i wish i could say
to you, hoping the anger would go away
i have a feeling it won't
i give you chances to redeem, you don't
i know i should be supportive in your time of need
but when i see you with her, i fill up with greed
and i wish sometimes i wasn't as nice as i was
and that you would care more than it shows because
i want to be your friend, i really do
but sometimes i wonder what you would think
if i crushed my love, and hurt you too.
These are different words, but it feels like I'm writing the same poem again...
Continue reading...
Jul 2018 · 1.3k
One's happiness is another's sorrow
Ari Jul 2018
One's happiness is another's sorrow
There once was a berry muffin that sat on a plate
I was ready to be fed, the muffin ready to be ate
But alas, Lucky had his eye on the prize
He lunged, canine jaws were open wide
GULP! A bittersweet vanish, it was too late!
My attempt at a limerick using a true and tragic story
#limerick #dog #muffin #hungry
Continue reading...
Jul 2018 · 186
Musings of an Amateur
Ari Jul 2018
Musings of an Amateur
I wish I could write
like all the grand poets do
I dream to let my words flow onto paper for all the world to read
I'm only a kid though
I'm only me
What could I accomplish?

I used to write because I was required to earn a grade
but now I write to express and relieve
I might still be motivated by a sliver of the past though
Not grades, but approval
They say all the best writers are intrinsically driven
But is it so wrong to want to belong?
to want to touch people beyond a moment's memory?
I'm not sure
I don't think I even have the skill
but will I try? yeah I will

At the end of the day
whether I write for myself or others
I'm grateful for my privilege to hold the pen in my hand
The ink will spill 'til the day I die
My thoughts will continue to be broadcasted
even if I have no inkling as to why
Continue reading...
Jul 2018 · 1.3k
Daddy
Ari Jul 2018
Daddy
He is cigars and beer in the evenings
He is reggae one day, and rock another
He is teaching me how to make the perfect omelet

He is unashamed selfies
He is giving space but keeping safe
He is golf and basketball, the only sports I can stand

He is laughter and jokes
He is good taste in all things
He is guiding me to a brighter future

He is my father.
#father #daddy #dad #family #love #metaphor
Continue reading...
Jul 2018 · 231
Lessons May Vary
Ari Jul 2018
Lessons May Vary
I'm learning to love myself
And I'm learning to slow down every once and awhile
And I'm learning to keep what's important close,
Not shove them away in fear they'll betray

I'm learning to discern
And I'm learning to assert
And I'm learning, even though it sometimes hurts me,
to just leave some things be

I'm learning to use my pain to push me forward
And I'm learning how to prove my disbelievers wrong
And I'm learning to make the best with what I have,
even when I may not have the best

Indeed,
I'm learning a lot of things.
But perhaps most of all,
I'm learning that it's much, much, easier to just be me
Continue reading...
Jul 2018 · 198
Bread Pudding
Ari Jul 2018
Bread Pudding
He is warmth
Sweetness
The flavor I never knew I needed

He is unique
Fulfilling
Pleasure in every bite

He is comfort
Fluffy
The treat I look forward to

He is my love.
Bread pudding is my favorite dessert and this is about my favorite boy.
Continue reading...
Jul 2018 · 827
I'll Never Know
Ari Jul 2018
I'll Never Know
I don't understand.
I don't understand
Why we're so mean,
Why we speak without thinking, and
Why people can hate each other over anything, or even nothing at all.

But most of all,
I don't understand
Why a label supposedly defines us all and
Why people don't feel safe in places they should.
Why does Destruction drag behind humanity like a ball and chain?

However, there are some things I understand.
I understand
Why there are good people out there,
Why hope is not lost, and
Why I can make a difference, even if it's small.

With all the things in the world, one may or may not understand
It kind of makes it seem like there's nothing worth contemplating.
But I think I should wonder anyways,
And learn to accept the fact that some things I'll never know.
Continue reading...
Jul 2018 · 129
Fear Not, Want Not
Ari Jul 2018
Fear Not, Want Not
I am afraid of rejection
I am afraid of failure
I am afraid that I may never be good enough
I am afraid that time will run out
I am even afraid of the person I know as myself

I am afraid of constant fighting
I am afraid of never waking up
I am afraid that I'll stay caught in a mental war
I am afraid that the world's attack won't stop
I am even afraid of what happens when there is no reason left to fight

I want to smile
I want to be understood
I want to make a difference
I want to be valued
I even want to be "normal" for once

I want success
I want love
I want to experience everything there is to feel
I want the everyone to be honest with themselves
And I even want the tribulations of what it means to be alive

I'm afraid of change, and yet I want it more than anything at all.
A play on the "wishes and fears" poem template thing.
Continue reading...
Jul 2018 · 147
When Times Are Hard
Ari Jul 2018
When Times Are Hard
Hold on to love
Hold on to integrity
Even if the world is against you

Hold on to success
Hold on to triumph
Even if it seems rather small

Hold on to expression
Hold on to passion
Even if your heart's song quiets

Hold on to what is important
Hold on to what makes you happy
Even if what makes you sad surrounds you

And above all,
Hold on to yourself
Even when all you feel like is falling apart.
Continue reading...
Jul 2018 · 125
Yesterday
Ari Jul 2018
Yesterday
I used to believe that memories haunt you forever like a ghost
But now I think that they're more like a suitcase you've packed
I always try to take the pleasant recollections of the past with me
But I've never left a day without a negativity slipping in

I once packed my bag full of nasty little memories
And wore them every day
But that just isn't any way to live
If I could only know which ones were the best for me
I would take them wherever I go

I never believed that memories were anything but my own
But I might share a few to lessen the load
I know I can't always put the burden on someone else
Instead, I can accept the good and bad together as one
I won't throw away precious memories
But I may have to leave them behind

I used to believe that memories haunt you forever like a ghost
Now I know better.
Continue reading...
Jul 2018 · 161
Don't Tip the Scale
Ari Jul 2018
Don't Tip the Scale
B ring it all together
A lways breathe
L ace together past and future
A nd push through the present
N ever take yin without yang
C alm and collected
E verything works as one
Something I wrote a few years ago about balance
Continue reading...
Jul 2018 · 116
Mornings
Ari Jul 2018
Mornings
Bird singing sweetly
Early dew drops kiss my toes
Tea brewing for me

Softly sat on a swing
Sun warms my calm sleepy face
Content sigh breaks silence

"Good morning" rises
with a quick cheerful reply
The day has started
Continue reading...
Apr 2018 · 161
Blam!
Ari Apr 2018
Blam!
my mind is so much all over the place i might as well have blown my brains out.
how funny.
Continue reading...
Apr 2018 · 1.0k
Blah-Blah
Ari Apr 2018
Blah-Blah
it feels like my mind is being stretched out
like taffy
it sticks to one's fingers
sickly sweet
swallowed whole, no chewing

it's also akin to a TV set
a dizzying tizzy of static
colorbars across the screen
only seen in black/white to me

my every thought is a grain of sand
once neatly nestled together caressed by calm waves
but
a hurricane came through
and now
their scattered
*they're scattered.
and *****!
oh, how they are *****.
but then again, sand is always ***** isn't it?

i don't know where i'm going with this
i lost the way to 'metaphor' or 'inspiration'
so i'm just going where the wind takes me
and hoping i'm not chaining myself to a tornado
Continue reading...
Apr 2018 · 128
Mistake
Ari Apr 2018
Mistake
a lot of people are worried about making mistakes.
i am one of those people.
to me, each mistake is like missing a step on your way down the stairs
it's like stubbing your toe of a piece of furniture
it's like a rap on the knuckles
each of these things, each of my mistakes, they all feel like one stumbling step closer to a paralyzed heart, a bruised body, a numb soul.

i don't like making mistakes,
then again i don't like myself either.
is it because i am a mistake?
or because i make so many there's no room to breathe in this space because of the missed takes?

ah, maybe i should come back to this poem.
i was on a roll, trying to portray the pain perfectly but...
i think i've done it again
in fact, i'm sure i have
a mistake
yet another "uh oh", "oops", or "my bad"
in the history of me.

this poem was a mistake.
i wish i could take it back, just like my other faults
but the wishes of the inept are not made to be answered.
so, i guess i'll do what i always do
just move on
and pretend that nothing happened.
Continue reading...
Mar 2018 · 113
To Franz.
Ari Mar 2018
To Franz.
Franz.

The name of an author.
The name of a friend.
The name of one who treasures learning about the world around him.

A free dove,
A cunning raven,
A confident peacock acutely aware of his fragility...

On the best days, inspired and lively; a hummingbird of beautiful words.
On the worst days, empty and angry; a storm of stress and sleeplessness.
On everyday, someone near and dear to my heart.

Some may call you __,
Some may call you hopeless.
I call you Kharon; a fierce brightness that carries me when I drown in Life's river Styx.

F ascinating!
R ebellious!
A dmirable!
N onconformist!
Z esty!

Franz whom I offer my sincerest camaraderie and love to.

Franz, a man whose life I pray grows prosperous, with many Happy Birthdays to come.
Continue reading...
Mar 2018 · 2.6k
Sweet and 16
Ari Mar 2018
Sweet and 16
i wish i could have that sweet 16 kind of romance.

kisses that are ardent and chaste
not forced, feeling like a mouthful of nails

hugs that are comforting and soft
instead of repulsive, a cage i violently try to break free of

hands that are holding mine, a loving reminder and consistent warmth
not calloused extremities stealing me by the wrist towards my demise

words that are gentle and sincere (beautiful, talented, queen),
instead of ones described only as ***** (***-****, *****, *****)

intimacy that arrives only if and when i'm ready, youthful and gentle
not ****** onto me years before sweet 16, hardly intimate but instead bluntly illicit

bodies (especially mine) that are unscarred, untainted, unused
not the opposite, crusted in an inscrutable filth impossible to remove

love that is fun and bright, something I can boast to all my friends
not a sickening attraction shrouded in the depths of my mind, only to see the light through poetry written in the early hours...

i wish, i wish, i wish.

i wish i could have that sweet 16 kind of romance!

but i don't.
wishes are just flimsy desires; a tear-soaked plead to the void of night, words on a poem no one may care to read, something i say as i blow out the candles. hopeful and yet, hopeless.

so, i'm still 16. and at least my favorite dessert is sweet. but the romance? ha! my romance is dead; burnt to ashes, like a delicate rose bathed in kerosene and set alight by the burning match of a devil's lust.
Continue reading...
Feb 2018 · 154
PB&J
Ari Feb 2018
PB&J
creamy crunchy
eat it when im hungry
with some jelly
all the time, munchy
whole wheat white bread
ends up yummy
toasted or plain, always in my tummy!
A short freestyle/improv rap I made when my friend challenged me saying rap > poetry. In my opinion the two are the same, but whatever!
Continue reading...
Feb 2018 · 1.3k
Greed.
Ari Feb 2018
Greed.
it's awfully hard to stop
an insatiable craving
am i the one you want?
or, lover-boy,
am i just a temporary snack
savored only to quell your hunger pangs?
i know its awfully hard to stop,
but not so hard
that you should forget
that sometimes i get hungry too.
Continue reading...
Feb 2018 · 249
A Tanka About Tunes
Ari Feb 2018
A Tanka About Tunes
music feeds my soul.
stories lasting centuries,
somehow made my own.
no more than a few minutes each;
every second well spent, harmony surrounds me.
#tanka #music #appreciation
Continue reading...
Feb 2018 · 179
solitary
Ari Feb 2018
solitary
solitary.
morning, and evening.
exacerbating, radiating, suffocating.
it grows over my soul.
loneliness.
#cinquain
Continue reading...
Feb 2018 · 255
The Day of St. Valentine
Ari Feb 2018
The Day of St. Valentine
Roses, candy, and boys, sweet as can be
All on this cold February day, as far as I can see
My heart is frigid, and no one wishes to warm me.
First of two Valentine's Day poems.
#valentinesday #lonely #sadness
Continue reading...
Jan 2018 · 297
poet's block
Ari Jan 2018
poet's block
my heart yearns to write
my emotions yearn to be expressed
my thoughts yearn to be free.

i would give anything to satisfy these pleas
but alas, i cannot.

my pen won't write,
my keyboard busies itself with essays and research, and
my creativity has gone mute.

it feels like my soul is stuck, frozen in time,
trying to force out the pretty words that produced so easily before.

the more i try, the harder it gets
the more i lie, the number it gets
the more i cry, the easier it gets.

perhaps i need to come from a different approach, like i have today
just stop bullying my feelings, just stop wringing my mind,

and be content just letting it flow.
writer'sblock
Continue reading...
Jan 2018 · 4.3k
Tuesday Evening
Ari Jan 2018
Tuesday Evening
i wanted to write something happy
just like i wanted to have a good time
or brighten someone's day.
i can smile all i want
and use all the happy words
and make plenty of jokes,
but it doesn't change the fact
the only happiness i have right now is nonexistent
just what was on my mind last night
Continue reading...
Jan 2018 · 214
scholastic cycle
Ari Jan 2018
scholastic cycle
late nights
study hard
bad results...





repeat.
Continue reading...
Jan 2018 · 1.6k
strings
Ari Jan 2018
strings
it feels like invisible strings are all over my body
controlling me
choking me
contorting me

there's string for my wrists
ankles
legs
arms
ears
neck
heart...

sometimes they are taut
sometimes they go slack
but they're always there
just waiting
for someone to pull the line
and **** me back

sometimes
i give the strings away
those who i love always have at least one
usually the heartstrings
so when they love me
or resent me
they can just pull or loosen
and i will know

you know its kinda funny
so many people pull my strings daily
and yet
they are so oblivious to the fact
that the tightness is suffocating me
and if they don't let go,

i'll be woven to my death, like an insect fated to the spider's wrath
Just expressing something that's on my mind atm.
Continue reading...
Jan 2018 · 373
6:09 pm
Ari Jan 2018
6:09 pm
my heart feels like the way you de-shell an egg
shaken up in a tupperware container!
aaah?!
what is this feeling?
eureka?
awe?
epiphany?
oh, yes.
happiness!!
i haven't felt this in a long time
thank you so much!
all of you who have listened to my emotions
written out on a screen
it makes my heart swell...!


...uh oh
i think i'm having a heart attack.
Continue reading...
Jan 2018 · 6.7k
Get Out
Ari Jan 2018
Get Out
please
get out of my head.
get
out
of
my
head!

it's so painful to have you here
yet i'm always fighting for you to stay
so do me a favor
just get out
i know you don't care
you don't act like it
you ignore me
you neglect me
you reject me
and yet you said you loved me?

how could you?
to be honest..
how could i?
to fall for your lies...
i'm such a **** fool
why do i love you? it makes no sense
i have to block you for some peace, until i come crawling back in hopes of gaining your attention

it hurts so much
all of this,
caring about you.
i'm crying so much
i took my glasses off
i can barely see the screen on which i'm typing
almost like i can barely see my feelings as something important to you

sigh
i have so much to do
homework
studying
meditation
i even have a potential relationship
and yet i can't do any of it
none of it keeps my focus
why?
because of you!
why can't you listen to my plead?
i don't know

Please,
Just!
Get!
Out!
Of!
My!
Head!

before i blow you out with a bullet.
i needed to vent badly
#vent #pain #heartbreak
Continue reading...
Jan 2018 · 330
Dream of Mine
Ari Jan 2018
Dream of Mine
It starts with a simple thought
An idea innocuously floating
Inside my eager heart
Hooked and pulled into my conscience

My dream is fresh and exhilarating
I can see how it develops
And the sight of its delicate being motivates me
I practically brim over with fervor

As nursing any living thing goes
It takes time
Knowing its potential fills me up
And dissipates my impatience
My dream consoles me when I
Consider giving up

I wonder what my dream can do

I spend plenty of time with my dream
Sometimes it can drive me to desperation
And I blindly struggle and tire and fail
To make it what I envisioned it to be

I'm shaken and confused
I try and try and yet my dream impairs me
Is it not as dedicated as I have been to it?
Has it morphed into something I don't know?

I never uncover an answer
Before I know it, before I can catch it,
My dream slips away
It crumbles in the distance
And it is lost

I despair, cry, and mourn
I reminisce about my dream's progression
And miss it
With a heavy heart, I attempt to continue my
life

I feel a tug on my mind's hook
Has my dream returned?
No. It isn't the same, It's new
But that is okay

It is a small thing, clearly needing more
But it is mine.
I can build it up just the same and already,
It heals my heart for the future and inspires me

And now, in my mind, I am left with, "There's so much
my dream can do"
A poem copied verbatim from when I wrote it 2 years ago, inspired by Walter Lee Younger from the play "A Raisin in the Sun".
#raisininthesun #dream #cycle #mind #new
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Jan 2018 · 858
What I Hear
Ari Jan 2018
What I Hear
my ears often listen to what they don't want to hear.

instead of picking up all the words that;
boost esteem,
affirm,
demonstrate love,
my auditory perception has acute awareness for words that;
depreciate,
deny,
exude hatred.

i cannot come up with an inkling as to why
my hearing is sharp enough to hear the whispers of disdain, yet deaf to all expressions of affection...

it disconcerts my mind to a point where i now believe i only hear what i deserve.
#ears #hear #words #opposite
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Jan 2018 · 445
Dedicated to My Favorite Snack
Ari Jan 2018
Dedicated to My Favorite Snack
i like seaweed

typically dried
yummy nori
crispy, crunchy
salty, spicy,
always savory
ironically never
on sushi
yes indeed

i love seaweed
#seaweed #snack #delicious #lovepoem
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Jan 2018 · 442
headache- an acrostic poem
Ari Jan 2018
headache- an acrostic poem
Hearing the deafening static in my mind
Every time I get motion sick
Arguing siblings who can't be mature
Dead of night where a thunderstorm rages on
After a really long, hard, cry
Concentrating too ******* too many things at once
Harmless basketball headed fast for cranium
Eating or drinking nothing for too long
#headaches #reasons
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Jan 2018 · 339
no more
Ari Jan 2018
no more
no more
i can't do it

you can't understand
how much strain i put on my mind just to make you happy
and in the end
you only make.......
see?
i'm afraid to even say how i feel
on a poem you may never read
because if you do
you may find out
and resent me

that is much like our conversations
filtered again and again
watching my every word
just
to
make
you
happy.
i'll do it a million times a day
and yet it doesn't make me feel any better about myself.

no more
i can't do it

i'm willing to do anything for you
that doesn't mean i should.
if i did what i should;
would i let you do what you want,
much like the incubi of my past?
would i silence myself,
just to hear a bittersweet sentence from your mouth?
would i sacrifice my time, my precious time, which i had promised for life's responsibilities?
no. but i don't do what i should, so it's okay.

or is it?

...

no more
i can't do it
#emotions #vent #compliance
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Jan 2018 · 301
Would-be Lovesong
Ari Jan 2018
Would-be Lovesong
i'm really gonna miss the times
where we could just hang out

i'm really gonna miss the sighs
when you pleased my mind to goop, inside out

oh but things are changing
things won't be the same

i find my self anticipating, yet worried
wondering if you'll forget my name

i'm really gonna miss the jokes
laugh-laughin' all night long

i'm really gonna miss your voice
making my heart skip every time

oh but things are changing
things won't be the same

i find myself anticipating, yet worried
wondering if you'll forget my name

i'm really gonna miss the pain
that my mind trades for loving you

i'm really gonna miss the time
i willingly spent between us two

oh but things are changing
things won't be the same

i find my self anticipating, yet worried
wondering if you'll forget my name

yeah, i'm really gonna miss a lot of things
but out of all of them,

i'll miss you.
#poemmeanttobeasong #lyrics #love #missing #bittersweet
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Jan 2018 · 227
ineffable
Ari Jan 2018
ineffable
...





























































­























how could you possibly describe something so intricate as the way your own mind works?
#waitforit #mind #question #blank
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Jan 2018 · 242
Dear Deceased
Ari Jan 2018
Dear Deceased
Tell me, what is it like?
Death, I mean.

I already know what life is like.
Even if it isn't always what it seems.

I know some live it to the fullest,
I know some waste it all away.
I know that it can begin in the most miraculous circumstances,
And I know that it always comes to an end anyway.

Please, those in the afterlife, what is truly death?
I have to know. I'll be meeting it soon.
#death #life #10linesorlessprompt
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Jan 2018 · 193
"Yeah sorry... I love you"
Ari Jan 2018
"Yeah sorry... I love you"
**** it hurts
and i ask so many times

why.

why.

why.

everyone has asked at least once
does it ever go anywhere?

no.

no.

no.

i just wish it could stop
this pain, it brings searing heat and tears

radiating.

radiating.

radiating.


if only. the world is filled with "if's"
especially mine

maddening.

maddening.

maddening.

i can feel my emotions slow down
boiling to simmering, barely there now

numb.

numb.

numb.


why is it so maddening, radiating from my core throughout my core?
no. nevermind. it's numb.
#mentalillness #emotions #vent
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Jan 2018 · 794
Cactus Goddess
Ari Jan 2018
Cactus Goddess
we thirst for her touch
she's our beginning and end
drip drop drip ...we feast!
#haiku #rain #cactus #desert #onomatopoeia
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Jan 2018 · 400
deflowered
Ari Jan 2018
deflowered
i have a flower
it is mine and unique to me
everyone has their own flower
so many, so pretty

some people, unlike me, give their flowers away
because they want to fit in
because they're easy to sway
or because they've been waiting for that moment

then there are those like me
the forget-me-nots in nature
yet they hold on tightly
not willing to partake in mercature

my flower yearned to see sunlight
to be kept within my protection was suffocating
to see what the flowers given away could see
was especially exciting

and so i loosened my clutch
to give my flower a few rays
alas, my flower was taken
an event in which my intentions betray

i didn't know him
he claimed to know me
justifying his theft on a whim
how could he?

why is it my fault
they told me "you didn't have to showcase your garden"
why am to blame for my floral assault
they wouldn't listen

and so, time has passed, i lie in my garden's dirt
they tell me i can stop the act, i don't
my tears are watering the soil, in hopes what i lost will return
but i know it won't

i'm deflowered.
#experience #deflowered #metaphor #emotions
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— The End —