You really hurt me
But i act like you didnt
Becuase you dont know
You are everything i desire
You turn my heart into fire
A fire so hot it burns
because i cant tell you
I had my chance
But I blew it
I lost my chance
I wanted you
And you knew it
But you didnt choose me
Even though you use keep me warm
In a world so cold
My fire started to dim
when you chose to go with him

An island of ash
signs of a past life
Melted black rock
Scars of the last breath
When this land gave it's all
Red hot passion spewed from its lips
And swept over everything that made this land
A volcano thought dormant
Tried to love again
Poured it's hearts out
Even as the magma scorched all the good
That once called this land home
now marks this dead earth
With this one last eruption
One last confession
This volcano died
And took everything with it
forever in torment
This volcano is now forever dormant

haunted by things that could of been
or are they things that should of been
i guess if they were they would of been
my lack of commitment seems like a sin
when everyone around me is happy
they have someone to be with
they have someone to kiss
when i have nothing but people i miss
all the ones i  really cared about
i forced myself to live without
to me it seems beautiful some how
thinking bout that girl from the past
but i went for another girl
becuase i knew it wouldnt last
now it seem like time is passing by too fast
and im losing the chances that i thougt i would always have with the women i thought would never leave
but they all do
what reason would they wait for me
they dont know how i feel
and they dont know how i am
i didnt let them in
because they were already too close
and thats when we hadnt even kissed yet
its like when you texted me
but i took ten minutes to reply
because im not sure exactly what to say
maybe i should have said
i want you
and i want you to stay

I'm a lone wolf
not because im alone
there are just things
i have to do on my own
the mistakes i have made are mine
there is no one else to blame
and theres no one that can help me
even if thier mistakes are the same
I cant fix the past
but i can change the future
i know what i need to do
to get where i need to go
i climb the mountain every afternoon
i look the sky and dream
as i howl at the moon

my heart is in a cage
the cage is invisible
but my heart is barely visible
hidden behind so many bars that are practically invincible
because every bar is made from a scar
i dont even know how many there are
so many; it seems more like a prison
everytime feelings have risen
they couldnt get break out
and who wants to break into a jail
when every attempt seems to fail
it seems ive been trapped in this cell
ever since that one time i fell (in love)
how long have i been here
i cant even tell anymore
sometimes i just sit and stare at the lock
and everthing that is blocking the door
someday it will open
as long as the lock isnt broken
atleast thats what i'm always hopin
I do believe one day
you will find the key
to this invisble cage
but you better hurry
it only gets stronger with age
beware of  the jokes
and meaningless conversations
that never get serious
because they will turn you away
as i try to run away
but i hope you swill stay
and break these scars
so i can let go of all the pain
and all this rage
stuck inside my rib cage

I'm a gambling man
all or nothing
over and over again
I've lost all I had
only to start over
and pray i get it back
So just know
Im a gambling man
all or nothing
I'm putting my whole life at risk
so spin the wheel
show your hand
flip that 16 as i call for a monkey
holding on to my lucky Keychain necklace
Im taking everything I have
and I'm putting it on you

i know more people than i ever have before
but im more alone than i've ever been in my life
these people dont know how i feel
so i question if its real
do they know who i really am
how could they if everything i feel is hidden inside
how can i expect them to trust me and stand by my side if even my thoughts i hide
it must be like staring at an empty sky
when it seems like nothing is there
but that's not quite fair cause its filled with air
something we need to survive
and i know there's wind at least that i can feel against my hair
just cause you dont see anything
and looks to be bare
that doesnt mean nothing is there
and thats my pain
my loneliness and fear
and no matter calm i appear
this empty feeling is always here
even when surrounded by the masses
i feel no different as every interaction passes
i feel as alone as man who lost his mother and his brother
his father and his daughter
this is the loneliest feeling of my life
and after all that
i feel like a man who even lost his wife

The old me or the new me
Which do you see
My reputation is quickly changing
My own thoughts are rearranging
Who am I?
If perception is reality
Is it what you perceive
or me
If everyone thinks I did
And that's what they believe
Then I might as well have
But what if I didnt
And your interperpration is just speculation base on false accusation
Would your realize the man I am
Behind all the rumors
Or are you so accustomed to assumption
Unable to see my true character
Blocked by a mere reputation based on hear say
If I may
Come walk with me
Talk with me
Find out the truth
And maybe with you
We can find me

I see you everynight
just like a star
so beautiful and bright
But so far
You're right next to my heart
Right next to the moon
Once again,
Hope to see you soon

Of all the mistakes I've ever made
Many of which changed my life

Like the time I went to jail
Caught an embezzlement charge
Criminal at large
For stealing cd's at the age of 17
Only to grow up to be an accountant
Have every employer doubting

Or the time I decided not go see my God mom
Said I had plans but that was a lie
Only a week later did she die
And it's at her grave I'm trying to say goodbye

OR when I started gambling
And nearly ruined my whole life
Lost all I had and more
Even my father's ring

Of all those things
If there was one i could change
I would go back to that moment
I messed up thing up between you and me
And instead go with plan B
Just for the chance
Just for the possibility
That you could have ended up with me

Compared to the night sky
Above a busy city
You are the northern lights

Compared to a fish in a pond
You are a dolphin
Swimming in the ocean

Compared to the freezing rain
You are the warm sun
Rising on the beach shore

Compared to rush hour traffic
You are roadtrip down a winding road
Speeding on a motorcycle

Compared to a want
You are a need

Compared to having a crush
This is love

Im holding on
I won't let go
But its a heavy rope
and I'm losing hope
Because as it slowly falls through my fingers;
I lose my grip
And my feet suddenly slip.

setting goals worth achieving
saying no words without meaning
trusting only those worth believing
putting my heart in girl worth loving
looking for sights worth seeing
carrying any weight worth lifting
taking on any pain worth bearing
rescuing everything worth saving
indulging in things worth sining
letting go of affliction for those worth forgiving
staying in my own world that's not worth leaving
sharing anything worth giving
looking in the mirror at a man worth being
i'm living a life that's worth living

You say i dont get another try
you say i dont get a second chance
its just the same song and dance
and you're right
but all the back and forth
and stepping on each others toes
is all part of our first dance
this is just our first life
our only life
and this is my one and only chance
to try and make you my wife

Baby I want you
so come to my room and make it soon
cause its been a while
and i want to make you smile
If you come, i promise
you will be happy for days
and remember it always
if you're not convinced yet
then let me tell you what ill do
As soon as you come in
on my face there will be a big *** grin
First ill give you a kiss
then i will take a pause
and breath down your neck
let you wonder whats next
then i will pull you in close
and lay you in my bed
ill take a moment; stare in your eyes
until your face turns red
as my hand gently falls down your back
and pulls your shirt off
you'll lean back and giggle a little
as i take off mine
ill tell you your beautiful
but in my head its **** your so fine
as i hover over you for moment
and admire your body
right before we get naughty
it the calm before the storm,
and your body feels so warm
i take a breath
then ill take you
ill put you on the floor
have you on all fours
begging for more
and you will feel it
deep in your core
but thats just the beginning
the start of our sinning
so bring that ***
and make it fast
the sooner you get here the longer it last.

Purer than the whitest Winter snow
As many flowers as Spring can bring
You bring more life to my soul
Your heart is warmer
Than the best of Summer nights
And you'r more beautiful
Than all the colors of Autumn
And just like those leaves
More and more each year
I Fall for you
Every passing season

It's those moments
Right before you jump off a cliff
When your heart doesn't just beat
But hits you in the chest
Trying to push you back
From this leap your about to make
Forcing your body to take
Against all fear
That excitement
That adrenaline
that fills your veins
When your feet leave the ground
And there's no coming back
As your falling down

I live for those moments
Because in life there are only a few
Like first time I looked in your eyes
And the first time I said I love you

I thought we had a connection
A lot more than a mere *******
I didn't tell anyone
but don't say you didn't see my affection
cause who knew?
everyone
everyone but you
now i'm sitting here giving advice
to a friend whose stealing the girl i like
from a man we both know wont suffice
will he?
is he not just a rebound you have found
or was that me?

I was never a poet
until i looked into your eyes
and saw the sun rise.

I'll pick up these embers
Of a remnant fire
Left in this world of snow
That no longer remembers
What it feels like to be alive
As they hold a dark glow
Barely clinging to life
I'll pick up these embers
I'll hold them in my palms
I'll let them burn my hands
I'll blow on them softly
Just to keep them from dying
As my fingers go numb
Black from harsh ash
As callices from burning pain
Harden these hands
I'll hold on to the embers
Of a remnant fire
That no one but me remembers

you make my heart melt
and then evaporate
let me elaborate
when i see you i get butterflys
so much; i throw up
this means i love you too much
not an obsession
more like an addiction
something only seen in fiction
you can tell me anything
but i wont listen
i use to say life's not fair
but now your here
and its too good to be true
i finally found you
like you were the olive branch
and i was the dove
call it true love

When ever you walk in
You are the main attraction
the biggest thing in the room
everything else is just a distraction
because who could matter more than you
Stuffed with nothing but love and affection
with everyone you meet
you build a connection
like a gentle giant
you're always there to listen
so basically your ears are huge
and for this you are my muse
your strong powerful and durable
practically immovable
but so **** lovable
you'll never know how much your friendship has meant
your someone i could never forget
and neither could you
Cause you're my elephant.

I run to my car
and speed to the ER
there's blood on my face
running like a flood
stuck in a death race
i fear that i might die
because im bleeding from my eye
i finally get to the nurse
but the pain just gets worse
she asks me whats wrong
theres a pain in my heart
but im bleeding from my eyes!
i see, so when did this start
i  tell her about you
how i had a strang feeling in my chest
from the moment that we met
it felt good so i thought it was for the best
but the pain didnt start
until the moment that you left
she told me i need to rest
and cleaned my face
dont worry, this is a very common case
you have a broken heart
well in your case it was torn a part
basically on your heart the is a tear
it happens a lot even though love is rare
when heart is broken, your body lets out a tear
its like blood but it comes out clear
its like that since you have nothing left inside
don't worry you will be fine
the fact you can talk is a good sign
your heart will heal with time
and you will be back in your prime
so how do i keep this from happening again
its a hard fight to win
your heart will be stronger once it has healed
after that you just have to keep it sealed

High hopes hurt the most
so some never get them up

So here's a toast
To never giving up

I curse this iron Hope i have
That ties me to you
Like an iron rope,
That forces me to chase you
It has taken hold of me
and it wont let go of me
So I cant let go of you

I have every reason to forget you
But there is no reasoning with a heart
So every time I see you
I feel like this could be the start
I know its cant be true
but still I Hope
When I know there is no Hope

Even after all the lies
All the painful sighs
I still act suprised
To see my happines denied
Because my hope never dies

This Hope is so cruel
No matter how hard i try
No matter how many times i cry
I am still a fool
Still chasing after you

I am cursed by this idea
and the feelings it brings
forced to chase
what i know i can't have
these feeling are the worse
so i curse this Hope
Because,
This Hope is my curse

If you were the forbidend fruit
Then you can call me adam
They say seduction is the devil’s playground
So wont you be my play mate
Many say adam made a mistake
But I prefer to think of it as fate
Because sin is my favorite vice
And I don’t listen to any advice
So come indulge in me
And our love will burn forever
In the darkest place
Where only a few will know what we do
Put that devilish grin on my face
As I plunge into your waist
You make my road to Hell
A Heavenly place

I'm here
Listening to this music
Over and over again
I listen to the same thing
Over and over again
The same lyrics
Hoping you hear it
But I ball my hands in a fist
As i realize theres nothing left
But this playlist

You did me wrong
always said i was your best friend
should have seen it all along
you see, i dont see you in the same way
not like i use to
i feel like you need to pay
how could you tell me to home
i spent your birthday all alone
while you were at your party
i was the least of you worries
thought you would want me there
but it seem you'd rather lie to me
i told all my friends this story
how i took you to your birthday dinner
but barely talked to me
none of you friends knew me
still you didnt introduce me
and everyone there went to your party
everyone but me
because you didnt invite me
"so what are you gunna do?
are you gunna go home?
because you cant come"
my friend told me to treat you the same
like you did me, leave you in the cold
our relationship is getting old
i see now what it means your best friend
said you would be there till the end
you commited the ultimate sin
so now it seems we're near the end
you just lost your bestest friend

I am haunted by good dreams
Every night I fall into this beautiful reality
Of a kingdom of you and me
A graceful fallacy
That fills me with malice
Towards my hellish cold alarm
That drags me out of my palace
Steals away my queen. And my crown
No longer am I king of this world
As it let's out the screeching painful sound

And I wake to you not there
Living a real life nightmare

we sit and listen to music
and i like you
but something just wont stick
every time i mention
a song you dont know
like you dont belong
is something wrong
cause i feel like there's a disconnect
and i dont want to neglect
the obvious attraction
but this really is
quite a distraction
can we make this work
based off ****** atraction
and moments of passion
or is this gonna end cause you dont like r&b
cause if you don't like r&b
how can you like me
when its inbedded in my soul

I need help
i'm stuck in a place with no time
there are no clocks on the wall
phones arnt allowed
and im appalled
cause i just put up my very last dollar
my rent is sitting on the table
Jack of spades
and a 6 of hearts
seriously is this the **** i get
as my life is picked apart
Why have i worked so hard
just to throw it all way on the flip of a card
yet i cling to this like this is the answer
this is whats going to save me
but im digging a grave
im buried in debt
the dealer has BlackJack
and i have nothing left

Im on a journey
A lifelong search
Search for a place
Where i can find
What matters most
that I lost through time
the origin of Beauty
And pure Love
The source of music
Such Incredible Music
The sound of her voice
But I cant find it one my own
In fear that I am alone
to this search i am bound
i will forever seek
the Lost and Found

lying in this bed
unable to sleep
thinking of my pain
unable to weep
the mess in my life
unable to sweep
i'm on a falling ledge
unable to leap
everything dear to me
unable to keep
all the benifits of life
unable to reap
my wounds wont heal
way too deep
just leave me alone
and let me sleep (forever)

Your love was the sweetest
So your cut was the deepest
Now all my scars are open
and you can see my heart
So dont act suprised
When you see that its broken
Because thats where you shot me

But I know who to blame
I let my gaurd down
I told you where to aim

I tried to write a poem
To express how I feel
But there is no order of words
That could properly illustrate what
I so deeply wish to say
No rhyme scheme
Could make it more meaningful
No gracefully placed word
That is in just the right spot
Could compare your beauty to anything in this world
So my deepest fear
Is that you will never understand
How I feel

My heart beats out my chest
At a slow and steady pace
Every beat pushes out my feelings
Beats so strong, like i just finished a race
And with a every pulse
An heart aching pain
My whole body is sore
As its travels through every vein
It continues throb
It hurts to be alive
Sometimes i wish it would stop
This feeling is unbearable
My heart is broken
Unrepearable

After it was all over
I looked for the light
In myself, I tried
To convince myself it was still alive
Only to find it too had died
I searched for my soul
In the coldness of night
Somewhere in my heart
But it's too dark to see
Its not in here
There's nothing left
Not even the fear of death

So I suggest you leave

A good life
is a compilation of bad decisions
and risks taken
no regrets for the life i've led
my only regret
is what's left unsaid

with you i feel like super man
like i am just the ******* man
when you kiss me i get so high
everything you do makes me smile
basically you make me fly
and i stay up there for a while
much longer than just a few hours
im up there for weeks
like you gave me some sort of super powers
and you are my only weakness
you give me weak knees
but even though my knees buckle and i drop
you take me to the top
cause when you fall in love
you fall up
and everthying keeping you down you rise above
you bring out the best in me
in short
when your around i'm a better me
so i guess i must confess
that with out you i am much less
you inspire me to be more
now imagine standing on the shore
starring at the ocean
and compare what you see
to the vastness of my emotion

Why would you pretend
to want to see me
why send a smiley
when you arnt smiling cause of me
yea lets hang out
but let  me wait around all day
tell me absolutely nothing
while you spend my time
where you would rather be
while i'm sitting in a chair
waiting for you to get back to me
and now that's twice in a row
you blew me off
and completely wasted
my last day off



that I just wanted to spend with you

Took you for a walk
Stroll through the park
with thoughts of romantic talk
i thought of all the posibility
how you might start to really see me
i could picture your happy face
looking into my eyes
a loving gaze
the ultimate prize
that's how it was suppose to be
but it happened quite differently
you see it was just a fantacy
cause you didnt smile once
you kept your distance
had a straight face
even walked at seperate pace
there were fire works
what a suprise
but you didnt even look
and as you walked away
i caught another case
of that heartbreaking cold
it was probalby my fault
my hopes were too bold
you had a good hand
so i look at mine and fold
your hand i will never hold

When i look at the moon
i wonder how it must feel
to be surrounded by so much
nothing but space
surrounded by stars
lights years away
how lonely the moon must be
above a busy city
there are no stars
and the moon is full of craters
it must have so many scars
no one to understand
how much can a star compare to the moon
its easy to see how lonely it is
when at night it is put on display
for everyone to see
but it still shines bright for us
each and every night
sometimes the pain is to much
you only see the moon's might
but never its pain
because thats when its hides behind clouds and rain
such a beautiful being
with such strong feelings
all this it shares with me
as i look at the moon
a sight truly worth seeing

Even if I get it all the money back
The 2 motorcycles
The new car
The 30 k in mutual funds
Paid my debts off
And made amends
It won't matter at all
Cause by losing you
I lost it all

Pain sadness and fear

i was left with these...
feelings i can't appease
they rarely go away
atleast never with ease.
and when ever i get close,
my heart will freeze
put my feelings behind my head
as they put me behind bars
when i look around my cell
theres nothing keeping me in
nothing but Scars

Everything i am is inside this bottle
I struggle with everything I have to find the bottom
But it seems endless and eternal
As i press my mouth to the lip
I sip from this bottle until i feel myself rip
Everything that dwells in the cavity of my chest
Escapes and leaves me
All the pain happiness and anger
Im left looking in the mirror at a stranger
Everything i was before gone
All i am is only what is left within this last bottle
This soon to be empty vessel now looks as i a feel
As hollow as the world i live in
Empty and cold
But i drink to the contrary
To place scolding and crowded
When I reach bottom of this world
And all that I see in life looks to be hostel
That's when ill know
I have finally reached the bottom of the bottle

All i want is one kiss
one chance
to see what it would be like
to have your lips
i know it is forbiden
but i dont care for the rules
your not that kinda girl
and he's not the forgiving type of man
you guys have something special
but you cant deny our connection
that's something yall dont have
i see you for more than you do yourself
and i know my time to make a move has past
feelings refuse to subside
its my fault i let you slip by
our first and last
all i ask for is this
a small piece of everything i missed
just this one

single

kiss                 *(bliss)

Once so close,
Then a crack,
one small step,
and then a gap,
I had to jump,
but it got bigger,
I built a bridge,
that was unbreakable
fell to the ground,
im doing the unthinkable,
so dont lose hope,
and dont look down,
cant believe what im about to do
I'm growing wings and flying back to you

Much more tired than I appear
My mind filled with fear
I hate this time of year
Just when the end is near
Finals are finally here

love is blind but it shows you the way

love is unreasonable but is gives you reason

love is pain but it takes it all away

love is priceless but has a cost you must pay

love is earned but also given

love is right even when its wrong

love is not needed but nothing else matters

love is crazy but makes the most sense

love is....but love

Your asking me to leave you alone
But that is an impossible request
Because you are the life and soul
I lost long ago
And became this monstrosity of a man

You must not know
Asking me not to want you
Is like telling me not to breath
As I'm strangled underwater
Not to gasp for air
as soon as i get free
There is nothing that could resist
And urge such as this
And that's what's it's like when you say
"leave me be"

This isn't a want
This a need
Just like in order live
I need to feed
And I need blood
And I'm sorry for this
But I thirst for your love
with a vampire's lust