It takes a sinner to make a saint, that’s how it started for me. I laid low the first few hours of the night, breathing in ether and manifestations of every child, adult and kid willing to speak while on the spot. The tall lanky kid on the fence sitting just over the ocean as if he were as mighty as the sea spoke diligently of revolution and “the new scene”. I couldn’t take much more of that and gleefully folded myself into bed. My bed consisted of a backpack for pillow and gas station bathroom walls for shelter. The new ideas and dreams of my surroundings were great, really great; it was saddening to see them die so fast and knowing before even while they burned and screamed “HEAR ME OUT” they were destined to death. Like any person who walks the earth or was convinced being born was a good idea, we are all destined for madness. The idea of dying seems like a made up story when you are nine years old sitting next to your father in the car and listening to him explain that someday he will die, because everyone does. It seems made up when you are woken up by a call “He’s alive but barely, cars wrecked, better get here quick”. Then the celebration of life they have after the life has long left the body. We should really celebrate our lives while we are alive! No ones here to dream or brag of death, the only reason one would **** themselves is to escape the pain of situation they decide they can no longer handle. Handle it, escape it, there is escape in many things. I chain smoke like a chainsaw, always one cigarette after another as the blade continuously revolves one after another to cut through its purpose. I dream long dreams of trains, girls, the south which I no longer dislike and my place here as a son, a brother, a friend and lover. The music I hear is marvelous and alluring. The love I’ve loved is divine and sweet. The ideas I’ve had are irrational and witless. The fires I’ve started are abiding and ageless. The nights I’ve cried are brief and temporary, while all the beauty I’ve seen is constant and everlasting.