The air

Like a soul has gone right through you

smiling

it's arms reach out for you offering to share the freedom

but you are too happy to go

The sun

like a hug

a kiss

a speck

burning into you cheek

but oh the warmth

The land

no longer like chains

like

a world so large is all around you

you could go...

anywhere.

You could see anything.

You set sail for something great.
Don't worry about their ****.
Don't stop to focus on the hate.

You open your eyes in a new skin,
the dull colors

don't keep them

You had a hope
so either bring it back
or dream something new

What ever you do

let go.

Not of a ledge
and not of your soul

Hold onto the things that ACTUALLY make you whole

Let go of the holes

the darkness

you don't need it.

The pain

say goodbye.

The worry

stop feeding it.

Let out one last big cry,
then pat yourself on the back because you guys have had a good run.

But it's alright to let go,

because you've decided that your smile won.

It was the labels.
  ....
They started this war.

Realization of what is and was never.
Forgetting what is not and once was.

Coloring the shades in between black and white,
only to erase it all at once.
A blank paper to symbolize 'start'
Black may be 'the start of end'


I feel the words of labels disappear.
Meanings
gone.

I see my care to understand this low,
I find my care to find out grow.

Where does my joy go?
Only 'he' above may know.
If only
...
does 'he' know?

Even if I were free,
to soar so far and high
where would I go
to lose myself?
No jump is daring enough to try.
No jump could take me someplace new.
My silly self caught waving goodbye.
Walking on and on,
with no idea.
No idea at all
There is no place you can go
to escape from where you've gone.
Where you've gone is in you
and will last forever on.
But oh how far
But oh how high
I can dream
I can fly
soaring brave throughout the curious sky
or at least I may dream
or at least I may try
to see something new
or at least a new view
to escape from the ones
that cause me so blue

I feel like I'm spiraling weightlessly through space,
just-
trying my best, to not lose face.
And at the end of the day, I'm deep in the ocean,
sitting on the shore, without any motion.
I don't feel restless-

...

-nor at peace.

I try to avoid it-
but it's like-

-it's me.

I'm the beast.

Because I'm trapped in this skin.

This weird-

thick coat of paint.

And I can't peel it off because there is just NO WHERE

...

-to tear.

So I keep swirling slowly through space.
Just watching.
Relating.
Loathing.
Feeling like,
I'm an alien,
just watching,
through the windowed eyes of a creature, that I opened the blinds,
to understand..
And I got so caught up in their story, or
whatever world this was,
so mystified by what there was to see and feel,
I forgot how to close the blinds or walk away.
My feet are glued to the floor
and my eyes are glued to the window-
of their eyes.

I know

I KNOW

this 'thing-'

-it's not me.

I wasn't supposed to look out this window.
I just-
...
did.

I'm supposed to know,
that I am not the only alien,
looking through a window,
floating through space;
sitting alone at the ocean floor with water shifting and swaying my hair and clothes all around,
just trying to understand and relate without breaking anything,
or making this poor, defenseless and confused human,

-troubled.

But-
I continue in this journey of flow and forward,
a drift-feeling,
as though they all are real.
And I AM the only alien that accidentally just took a human under my control.

Some days I'm a water fountain,
and some days I've gone dry as drought.
Some days I'm warm and feeling,
some days I'm just empty and without.
All days I'm never-ending-thinking
too concerned with all that is.
I should be proud to think so deep
but sometimes I just crave the fizz.
I want to think,
but without fear.
I want to love,
but not to tear.
I want to dream,
but not to forget.
I want to be brave,
but without the regret.
I know there's more-
so I'll just say...
this too shall pass..
so I can't fray.

This is not madness.
Calm down, for this is only fear.
This is fear of the unknown,
fear of someday being on your alone,
fear of what you are,
fear of what you could become,
fear of what will stop you,
and so you choose to run.
This is not madness.
Calm down, for this is rage.
Rage for what has done you so wrong,
rage you kept contained,
rage for the mistakes you made back long,
rage for the inability to make time change.
This is not madness.
Calm down, for this is pain.
pain for others.
pain for you.
pain for the past,
pain when pain isn't through.
This isn't madness.
Calm down, this is joy.
Joy for yourself, not a selfish cold ploy.
Joy for others, even if it seem untrue.
They deserve your joy,
… but so do you …

In the misty haze, my mind takes flight,
Lost in the clouds, embracing the height,
****'s gentle touch, it sets me free,
In this altered state, I find my glee.

Thoughts wander, meandering and slow,
Colors blend, a psychedelic show,
Time stretches out, no need to rush,
In this cosmic realm, reality I hush.

The ***** whispers secrets profound,
Unveiling truths, the universe unbound,
I float on waves of blissful delight,
Lost in the depths of this magical night.

Perceptions shift, boundaries dissolve,
In this altered state, problems absolve,
A gentle euphoria, a calming embrace,
Finding solace in this tranquil space.

Ideas bloom like flowers in my mind,
Unleashing creativity, unconfined,
Every word, every thought, a sweet surprise,
As I explore the depths of my own highs.

But as the smoke starts to fade away,
I return to Earth, back to the day,
Carrying with me the essence and peace,
The lingering echoes of this sweet release.

So let the **** guide me on this ride,
Where consciousness and dreams coincide,
In this realm of green, where I find my peace,
A poet's journey, where my thoughts  release.

If there's water in a ***
and you never pour it out
just because it's not boiling-
doesn't mean it's gone.

Faceless, I am.
Sick, I am not.
I am alive and refusing to rot.
I will not cave.
Pray that you will not crumble.
As families around us continue to rumble,
then fall like the pieces of chess-
off the board.
I am still asking, "Where is lord? Where is lord?"
Some blow it away as a trick, a joke, not the truth.
Some gawk in fear, and some laugh away all the proof.
While mothers who taste nothing, cradle, and cry,
a man in a crowded bar says "I will not die."
And the ones who knew and chose that sweet lie,
swear on gone appendages, "No one said this could be why."
It came in a flurry and swept us up in its rush,
in its clutch,
and the coughing and hacking were all we had to crush,
not to touch,
but decay comes in mountains as the money-makers grow,
let it show,
they sell to the faced people false theories they'd crave to know,
so they let go-
of all conditions that make the blizzard pass us by.
Just a moment of safety and sanity,
but they refuse to even try.
"It will **** me-!" They scream.
"It will take away my voice!"
All we can do is just dream until the day they stop the noise.
The day they see the problem as more than just a sneeze
or a sniffle that will pass like overcoming a sharp breeze.
People are falling and we fade into the dark,
so here I am calling, "Oh hark, Oh hark."
I know they may not hear me-
through the money in their ears,
but please,
ignore the hypotheticals,
overcome those fears.
Though it's difficult for everyone to stay so tucked away,
to let strange liquids in your temple,
and hard to not just stray,
you could save a life.
That life might just be yours,
or the kind, old, faceless woman that still must touch the doors.

Your words- they mesh
Too cruel to understand
And in your hand I shrivel.
Clever girl,
prove me wrong.
Is this your way of scaring me?
Why can't they hear me?
People so dear to me.
Why can't they see me?
People so free- to me.
What is it that I am missing?
What is it that I need?
What is it that my old soul couldn't breed?
Why do birds seem so free--
suddenly..


Caged-
on a spool
My wings are sewn to me.
Is this what I swore I'd be?


Not today, just not right now.
To hear them clear as light.
But do they ever take a break?!
No never, day or night.
Ticking away like a clock, rushing like a second hand.
Do you ever take a break from clicking at me, my old friend.
Not today, no not right now.
Just hearing clear as light.
Not today, my old friend-
please- just not tonight.

She stares at the horizon, a saddened sort of day. Like a crying heart- somber, without words to say. "Is this the world beyond the line? But, I will still sit. The mocking birds will scratch and cry, but I will not run away. I will sit. And I will contemplate. For this is what I was given -a picture- of such bliss." She tilts her head and ruffles her feathers, as the cold breeze passes by. "This is what I was given- wings to cross the sky. But as I crossed and crossed I found, you never feel it fully. The best of beauty, comes from 'dreaming' of it truly. To think, it is much bigger than I could ever dream. For once you have been there, it won't be as great as it may seem. And once you've done it all- well-- what would be left? Nothing to aspire. Nothing to fill despairing depth. This is how I fly. I am soaring right now here. Just staring at the horizon- and dreaming of what cheer, to swim in puddles deep- of orange and yellow shine- to break myself free- and take back my soul full-time.

And to dream
so openly-

is the craziest-

the freest-

...way to be...