pink striations bloom on my neck,
curving and running like rivers
or the creek behind your childhood home
because when faced with the thought of living
in a skin void of your touch,
what am i supposed to do
but scratch?

i have a right to speak ALOUD
ALLOWED to give my two CENTS
SENSE of freedom in opinions TOLD
TOLLED by thoughts that i dispense

i have a right to let them KNOW
NO others have walked my COURSE
COARSE visions from my own EYE
I write in blood from the source

i almost never have dreams, just nightmares and nightmares and on luckier nights, just blackness.

on the luckiest nights, it's just her

memories of her doe eyes peering up at me through thick naked lashes
skin soft as satin
and i get to watch her mouth "i love you" over and over and over again

and when she falls asleep beside me
i'm not so scared
of the nightmares and the nightmares and the nightmares
or the
blackness

because falling asleep with her
means waking up with her
and she is hazy and soft and on fire in the sunshine
and all sorts of messy hair and boxer briefs and sticky spit
and then i can't even remember
what i was so afraid of

would you still love me if i wasn't soft and beautiful?

i hate feeling like i can't move my own mountains,
like i am waiting to hand someone else the shovel
or whatever the **** people use to move mountains.
i hate how much i hate my sweat,
i want it to pour, i want to drown in my stick and my stink
but instead i will smell like baby powder and cocoa butter kiss and va va vanilla.

my nails are short and a little bit yellow
i wear baseball tees and flannel and i can drink like a man

but my doors are still being opened,
old men still love me,
my mountains
are all still being moved
without me

i love the way it feels to throw up,
all burning and hoarse throats and saliva and stench;
an ephemeral reminder that you have insides and that they work.

and trust me, when you tell someone you have to puke
they get out of your ******* way

and your body
will do it's best
to get all the bad out
because no matter how hard you try it just keeps finding its way in
when your voice isn't loud enough and words like no
or stop
or please
start feeling like using an umbrella made of newspaper in a thunderstorm.

wastebaskets full of bile and half-digested bits of whatever you had for breakfast
are your nauseous little body's final declaration of
yeah,
**what is happening to me is definitely not ******* okay

should i shave my head female
symptoms of a psychotic break
amber rose twerks to *** drop
hot bald women
how to will your hallucinations away
should i shave my head quiz
what does it mean if i can't feel anything again
borderline personality disorder and psychotic breaks
bipolar disorder and psychotic breaks
ptsd and psychotic breaks
jeremih down on me
facebook
overcoming bitterness ptsd
how to force yourself to stick to the goals you set
malaria
tegan and sara walking with a ghost
sad people smoking cigarettes youtube
******* myself and not make anyone sad

Wow... she may not be innocent, but he is an absolute *******.
DON'T BURN ME!!! (continues grabbing at a burning cigarette)
pure ****** ***** !
I would've slapped the **** out of that ****
Burning someone with cigarettes is a terrible thing to do.
I'm glad there's a great big ******* ocean between me and these *******
you can't really expect anything less from such low-class people.
very classy.
Will they just have *** already?
close your legs....*****
he is just upset that she doesn't want to **** him

Neither a girl,
Neither a boy,
Just human,
With a beauteous soul.