within the confines of defining
definitions are never lost
it's set in stone, there's no combining
it's a line that you can't cross


throw away your dictionary


it's your thoughts they are confining
like a self discovery loss
it's your mind, but they're assigning
another line that you can't cross

when you touch me i want my whole body to
slide into the ridges of your fingerprints
so i can leave parts of me
on everything you love

and i love it when the sun rises now
because
when the light hits the side of your face in that way that it does
i can feel the blood moving through every part of my body

and being alone isn't so bad
when i'm alone with you

and before i could say that i loved you
i wanted so badly to only want you once
(okay twice)
(okay three times)
because i can't
get
enough
and i will always be terrified
you can

and now i get to tell you i love you
whenever
i want
and you're mine
and i am yours
(keep me)

(please keep me)

9:23 i threw a piece of cake at my dad
9:40 i am trying to climb up the wall to the beat of *** drop by wiz khalifa
9:52 my girlfriend is asleep so im just ******* to ****
9:54 i can't get off so i start singing *** drop by wiz khalifa very loudly
9:56 my dad yelled at me for singing
10:15 the whole kitchen is clean now and i run back upstairs
10:19 exchange with my mom goes really bad we are mad at each other now
10:21 slamming my door shut three times because the wall shook really hard the first time
10:45 and no one is awake and no one is talking to me and i am alone


3:45 i am watching intervention and sobbing because the alcoholic socialite is more beautiful than i will ever be
3:58 google search: ptsd flashback racing thoughts grounding skills creative
4:00 surprise surprise the internet has disappointed me i can't breathe
4:12 i'm writing a poem about bipolar disorder because at least maybe it'll get me some attention

utopia lives in the space between never and again
and it screams to me louder than
cicadas at dusk
(nymphs
leaving
the chrysalis)

like ******* on her **** and letting it dry
or scrubbing the leaves on a fern
i can't tell if our meeting was
unintentional
or
unnecessary

either way,
your loss.

There's something satisfying about screaming into a bathtub of water.
To crouch over and just scream.
Your voice gets muffled into tiny airfilled bubbles.
You can feel your rage and sadness surround the sides of your face.
And to just lift your head out of the tub and allow the warm water to trickle down your face, is almost overwhelming.
As if it never actually happened.

i wish you would ******* die
so i would have an excuse
to miss you