I am the oldest daughter,
I just wish i could be better at it.
Even though i have reasons for my actions,
Still alone with my guilt i sit.

I feel responsibilities,
That are not meant for me.
And when things are out of my control,
There's no way i can let it be.

I was raised a soldier,
Who felt like i needed to lead an army.
So now when it seems like i failed,
I hide it away but feel it sharply.
Sometimes i feel more like a parent,
Than my real parents are.
Even though i need being a child the most,
And everyday i'm fighting a mental war.

I am the monster,
I am trying to protect them from.
I hate the way i destroy,
When it's a healer i want to become.

Even though it's safe,
I still look out for the danger that may be.
Just to see,
That the only danger there really is,
Is me.

-anoeska

Into the unknown.
My heart calls, my soul speaks.
Screaming for freedom,
With everything that i own.

One day i'll break these chains.
Take back,
What was always mine to recieve.
I can't wait longer i hear their call,
Telling me to take everything i have,
And leave.

Far away,
To be forever lost.
And i'll chase,
No matter what it cost.

I'll follow the sound of silence.
And scream,
In words that could never be heard.
I'll be misunderstood by most,
And in my fear forever burned.

-anoeska

Orange leaves, all crusted.
Falling from trees bigger than i'll ever be.
My soul dances,
As they fly in circles all around me.

Autumn falls, be prepared.
Like nature will prepare the trees,
Turning empty.
I fall, be prepared.
Because my fall will be faster,
Than the fastest leaf,
That now falls from the tree.

Letting go of what i once was,
Now on my own,
Vulnerable laying on the cold ground.
Like the leaves let go of the tree,
Knowing they will never again be found.

Maybe we look a like.
Falling away when it gets dark,
And being pulled away into the air.
Floating around,
Not really going anywhere.
Just away, from here.
Where ever that may be.
And maybe you will never find me again,
But again, we will see.

Autumn falls, but i fall harder,
So please prepare me too.
Show me the light i can not see now,
And tell me again i'll make it through.

-anoeska

Sometimes i ask myself.
Why try,
If i don't feel worthy of his love?
But then i think to myself.
When was the last time,
I even felt worthy of anyone's love?

-anoeska

For me you've always been my angel sent.
Far from above,
Hoping i'd be the one to catch you,
When your fall, came to an end.
But i fell too, even before i met you.
Therefore i should call myself,
The angel of death.
I looked it in the eyes,
And denied it as a threat.

I'll kiss your broken wings,
Even though your feathers cut me,
Like knives, deep in my heart.
I still gave you something broken,
I still gave you something,
That was already torn apart.

But for me to not forget,
Death kissed me, before you ever could.
Therefore i died,
And layed in the arms of an angel,
Before anyone elses, if i ever would.

The galaxies have called me their own, Before you.
Seeing me as a child of the universe,
Now safe inside their arms,
And no other place,
Where i should belong to.

So i may be upset about the fact,
I never got to call you mine.
But oh darling,
If only i would remind myself,
I was once aligned with trillions of stars.
Therefore before you,
I could already call myself divine.

-anoeska