Imagine for once, that it is a sunny day
And the air smells of autumn scent 
And the music of the birds pervades.
Imagine for once, that life is going okay
And fruitful are the minutes which make a day
And meaningful are the conversations we have.
Imagine for once, we have the right people with us
And their presence only makes us stronger
And to bond with them means to just smile or briefly talk.
Imagine for once, that in a warm sunny day here on earth, we have truly lived under the sun and not under a ceiling.

i did it again and
i'm sorry
i scratched at
the surface
so the pain
wouldnt hurt my insides
so much
im sorry
i
am just so tired of
being alone of being
neglected of being
rejected of being
abandoned
im so tired i just want
one person to stay for
a little while
just for
a little while
im so sorry i
cant help but watch
myself bleed as i
keep crying
i cant stop crying
i cant stop
im so tired
im so alone

when i am numb
i remember the poem
you wrote me on my birthday
i'd never felt like anyone cared enough
to write sonnets in my name
poetry from their veins
anyone but you
everyone but you
cried the night i died
sang at the service
buried memories with ashes
from the cigarettes lit
with the same fire
that used to light my soul
now i lay in the dark
and i listen to wind
whisper fragments of
what i think was your name
i still remember
the day you told me
you were leaving
i didn't listen
to the name you called me
only the way you spoke it
like the only way
to get rid of me
was to spit poison
into my mouth
yet somehow
the burn in my throat was better
than the one you left in my chest
it was like coughing up dirt
from the seeds you planted
but forgot to water
forgot to think about
do you think about me
when you're alone
when you can't sleep
when you listen to
your favorite song
i often wonder
if i was one of your vinyls
did you spin me until
the scratches and pops
were too much to bare
until i became
another broken record
i often wonder
if you even remember
as you searched for a fire
to cover the smoke
from the last cigarette
you flicked ashes from
to burry the memory
of not my name
but the way you spoke it