I'm starting to forget what your touch feels like and that's something I want to remember long after this eternity. I want to forget how you made me feel inadequate and useless if you weren't touching me.

I want to remember the feverish heat of your hungry body wrapping around me as if I could be consumed by the naked desire between us. But all I can remember is the coldness of your latest silent treatment leaving me frozen where I stand like the first ice cube eternally stuck to the bottom of the freezer tray never to be acknowledged as more than an inconvenient nuisance.

I want to remember the sound of your earnestly endearing, carefree voice when you sang your silly little songs using names for me that no one else will ever use. I can't forget the thunderous, deafening finality of the last time I watched you close my door and walk away.

I should be bawling my eyes out as I curl up in a little ball of despair under the softness of the red fuzzy blanket that used to be the softness under us. But I'm not.

I should be trembling with the relentless red rage that can only come from the sting of the ultimate betrayal that so easily rolls off your forked tongue. But I'm not.

I should be taking every fiber of every piece of yourself that you've left here on your clothes and shoes and whatever all that other crap is, and building a bonfire just to see how long it will burn. But I'm not.

I should be hating you and vowing that I'll never speak to you again and imagining ways of inflicting any kind of pain on you that might make you feel even a fraction of the pain that you've inflicted on me. But I'm not.

I should be deleting your electronic footprints from my phone, my laptop and my heart and retracing my steps back to the predictable but content life that was my life before you came and made unpredictable and discontented seem like the norm. But I'm not.

I should promise myself that I'll start all that tomorrow. But I'm not.

Doing nothing at all but trying to **** time
With my imaginary people, places, and things to see
No logic, no order, no reason, or rhyme
Just the realization that it's time that's killing me

They say time marches on but where's it marching to
Stop marching on me and just let me rest
Why not just pick me up and take me with you
I've given you my all, I gave you my best

I never begin these trips by myself
But I always end up on this road alone
They take the fork to the right while I take the left
Struggling again to find my way home

Always someone I wish would stay until the end
So many unmapped roads I still want to travel
Either too far ahead or too far behind
I seem to lose sight at the second or third bend
Is it me or just my plans that can't help but unravel

Is this the end of one trip or the start of another
After speeding down this same old winding road
It's hard to distinguish one from the other
Just show me the road that leads back to my children, my brother, my lover and my mother

How do you know when enough is enough
I can't take anymore, I'm just not that tough
I've tried to be all that you said I should be
But that didn't leave room for me just to be me

I'm losing my grip on all that I know
One little slip and I'll go down with the flow
Hanging on any tighter just makes it more tense
I don't know how much longer I can straddle this fence

There's only two ways now for this ride to go
Neither of which I'm particularly fond
So I patiently sit here but frantically row
Rowing in circles on this dark, boggy pond

Will someone please stop and throw me a line
Can't anyone see that I'm about to drown
Don't you understand that I'm running out of time
Will it finally be enough when I'm all the way down

You rushed in like a quarterback carrying the ball
Like a rookie I fell for the fake play
Hook, line, and sinker, I foolishly bought it all

It seemed like a game that started out fair
Fans all abuzz claiming "This is our year!"
Now the bleachers stand empty, not a soul left to cheer

Nothing left but to turn off the stadium lights
On a field that was once so hopeful and bright

Off to the locker rooms both teams retreat
One to lick their wounds as the other celebrates the championship repeat

In glory you'll go on to play for more teams
While this career-ending injury is killing my dreams

Like a naked tree in winter, I wait for the sunshine of spring
Existing but not flourishing
Living but not growing
Vulnerable but standing tall

Finally his sunlight appears and my withered branches reach for it
Trying to soak up all the sun at once
Finally his refreshing rain appears to quench my thirst
If you watch closely you can see my rejuvenation from the inside out

And then fall comes
I know it's coming, he has to go again
And winter sets in
Leaving me naked and vulnerable

I can only stand where I was placed
I can't go to him
Only he can bring the changing of the seasons to me
My day is like the never-ending changing of the seasons

Fall, I know he's leaving soon
Winter, that cold few moments when I realize he's gone
Spring, I hope he brings me sunshine and renewal
Summer, his sun appears and brightens my face