Meaningless
Everything just seems so...
Meaningless.

Wasting day after day just
Trying to relax
Trying to feel safe and cal,.
No thrill,
Few friends,
Just...existing.
Meaningless.

I want to do something reckless
I want to run around
In strange costumes
And my friends screaming
And giggling next to me
Because we were winning
Against the imaginary dragon.

Like we used to do.

I want the movie night and the laughter
Staying up for three days straight
To the point where we're sure we're
Going to fall over and never wake up.
I want the adventures
And the sleepovers
And the bonds we had
And the laughter
Because now everything is just
Meaningless.

I can't take it anymore
I can't take it anymore
So confused
Cut and bruise
I can't take it anymore

Why are you so confusing?
We're there for you but you just ignore us
Then write poetry about how WE left YOU
When it was YOU who REFUSED to let us in!
We tried, over and over and over and over
Crying for you to let us help you
But you just rolled your eyes and WALKED AWAY
Now I'm reading your poetry and
I'm seeing the lines that say that
We left you when you needed us most!
LIES

WE spent endless nights awake, worrying
And EVEN NOW you're still always on my mind
BUT THIS IS YOUR FAULT
Pretending around your friend, your real friends
And putting all your trust in fakes and internet friends who
DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU

WELL I'M DONE
Count me out
I refuse to be a dumb follower
Like I have been for YEARS
Following you around like your a queen
Listening to your little problems,
And spending MY time trying to fix them.

WELL I have NEWS for YOU
I have problems of my own,
That I keep inside because no one asks
And I learned to hide.
Serious problems,
But would you understand?
Its all about your 'stupid parents'
and stupid bands.

I'm over you,
And I'm staying away,
So learn your lesson
And learn to deal
Because you don't want me
Or anyone who ACTUALLY CARES.

And I'll be over here,
Worrying and missing you,
Watching you from a distance
Watching as you get worse and
Someday I'll find you broken
Maybe you'll find me
And You'll need me for
The first time.

And I'll be there.
Because I still care.

My heart pounds in my ears
My breathing wracks my body
I can't think
I can't stop the
Panic attacks that attack me

Stupidest reasons
Lead to me crying
Lead to me screaming
Lead to me dying and
Nightmarish dreaming
Waking up sweating
Yet freezing cold
My heart squeezing in fear.

Always afraid
Always wary
Always watching out for
The panic attacks that attack me.

Hidden somewhere
A dark corner somewhere
My head in my hands
And a scream in my throat
Silent. No one can hear
No one can know
Quiet despair.

I can't breath
Though I'm trying
I can't scream
Though I'm trying
I can't quite get my nails through my skin
Though I'm trying.
Even seven feet below in the dark
In this state I can't
Reach my goal of ending my life.

My lips can't move as fast as my head
And my head can't describe what I'm feeling
My feelings are leaving me reeling
So confused and hopeless
Close to help but can't reach it
My lips can't wrap around the words I need.
Can't wrap around a simple "Help Me"

So I lay in my room
Hidden somewhere dark
And I let the tears
Leave their marks
On my pillows
On my sheets
On my face.
And I sob silently as the
Words I don't wan't to hear
And lies lead me away.
Silent screams and zero breath reaching
My shaking body and my
Panic attacks just attack me again.

Shhhh! Don't make a peep!
Shhhh! Don't let them hear!

Hear the terror in your voice,
Hear your voice tremble.

Tremble like your fingers,
Tremble in the night.

Night lasts forever,
Night is when they come.

Come to take you away,
Come to gobble you up.

Up goes the pitch of your voice,
Up goes the danger when you call,

Call ' Who's there?!'
Call 'Help!'

Help isn't coming,
Help doesn't care.

You tell me you want to see the world,
But you don't.
You want to see the pretty pictures and
You want to meet the people
Who will put on an act and tell you,
'Lifes Great Here!'
As they leave out
The starving people,
And the recent murders,
Last nights suicide,
And the school shooting,
And how everyones living in fear.
You say you know the world,
But you don't know the dark
You stay far away.

Can you feel it?
Swirling
Flowing
Banging on the walls.
Thats Creativity,
Inspiration,
Poetry,
Trying to escape.
Can you feel it?
Crawling up your throat,
Alerting your brain,
Shoving against you lips?
Thats your laugh,
Your opinion,
Your plea for help.
But you feel it,
The need to blend in,
The need to lie,
To hold it all in.
So you put of your smile,
Your mask,
Your role,
Your make up.
And you blend in,
The perfect actor,
The usual victim.