Addicted to certain kinds of sadness

Red was you
It was the sensation when I could feel your fingertips
Brushing my thigh
It was the rapid gallop of my heartbeat
It was the hints I'd like to leave all over your skin
It was the trace
Of your kisses on my neck

Red is now the stream
Trickling down my arm
It was the tears
Leaving the cut and wounds

I loved you
but...*

I choked.

The only word that escaped from my mouth,

****.