Life is an ever changing subject that I’m not sure I’m ready to continue.
I have spent my days in places that I am not. I have spent my time ignoring the distance between me and the rest of the world.
I can try to write my demons away but god only knows that I can’t just run from my thoughts.
Transparency does not mean there’s no vacancy in my head.
I can’t think of a time in my life where I wasn’t thinking something along the lines of negativity, discouragement, or getting after myself.
I am transparent but my mind has so much vacancy for each one of my demons, I dream while I am awake. I imagine a world in which I am happy but in a world where I am happy I am also still mentally ill.
A man I look up to once said you can’t imagine a color you haven’t seen, I’m starting to see that that’s more than the truth.
I’ve started to wonder when my life will become what I want, or if it ever will.
I’m starting to wonder where life will take me or if I’ll even be around long enough for it to take me away from this ocean filled with my own self-hate, my house built out of my thoughts.
I’m starting to wonder who my life will bring me to. Or maybe, I won’t be around long enough, maybe I won’t be here.
That isn’t to say I will **** myself. We don’t know that yet.
But life is an ever changing subject that I’m ready to continue.