I can smile
And I can grin
Hold conversations
And help those in need

But what if I am in need
When I reach out
Will someone take hold of my hand
Or will I drop

Will I drop
Forever with no need
Hoping for someone
Anyone
To catch me on my never ending fall

No
I cannot expect that much
It's too much
For one person to handle

So I will fall
Fall into this abyss
Hoping for someone to catch me
But knowing it will not happen

Stepping out behind the dying in the day
I saw my own hands breaking just trying to hold on
And grew tired of the smiles full of serrated blades
I've tasted blood
I've killed before in a manic rage
My waterfall
The calamity

I can't
It can't
Be this way
I can't wield the knife
I can't carry it with me wherever I go
It can't be all I know
It can't

Falling back into horizons as the sun
I saw myself in a new light and the hope I dream
I've learned what the moon means when she speaks to me
I've tasted truth
Honey as the flavor on my tongue
Saccharine
And happiness

I can
It can
Be this way

How does it feel?
To pass by the people in the street,
knowing many of whom; you'll never greet,
in the blink of an eye and they're gone.

How does it feel?
To once again be all alone,
with no one to call your own,
singing a voiceless song.

How does it feel?
To press play on the cycle of repeat,
head full; never getting a moment to retreat,
You are the repercussions of your actions.

How does it feel?
To look through the world with faded eyes,
losing sight of a new surprise,
you only ever get one shot.

Where we would sit in your car at midnight
Up on a hill watching the city still alive at night
Smoke flowing through our lungs
And electricity through our fingertips.
We sat in silence admiring the view,
More than often I would look over and admire you.
Listening to Johnny Cash,
Oh please take me back.
You would sing to me,
Those were some good times.

Maybe he did love me
But the drugs made him forget why.

He left,
Physically, he was still there.
Emotionally, he was absent every time.
His heart turned cold, with no happiness inside.

I left,
Physically, I walked away.
Emotionally, I'm still there.
My heart had a wide open wound, I'd given him everything inside.

I still love him
And the drugs don't help me forget why.

This is the most likely place
to hide a secret and be safe
And Grandpa needed to be safe
Gleefully they hung all rebels
So he vanished into the night
across rivers and mountains
and right here under this tree
he put everything to rest:
what his heart ached for,
friends, family and love
in exchange for freedom
My obsession now is to reconstruct him
So with my heart in my mouth
I dig and scrape 'neath this old tree
But all I see is a gaping hole staring up at me
Grandpa's primitive gun has eluded discovery,once again.