A contract with a God I signed
A contract with the wide skies
I was a knot - all tense and *******

And I came happily undone
and it feels this twitch is the toll
Hey you ******! Whoever you are
I am neutering you, I am keeping you down
I'm marching for the Sun
Was it Prometheus or was it God?
I paid the price full for those
hidden magic pills
This is the small penalty for being free
Dystonia - for a perfect fit

Only 5 days
of closeness
Thinking it was gonna last forever
We cannot stay long
Is it mine or your fault?
It's better this way

I have to tell myself you're not here
So close to you I feel
Something's broken, off
But
we rode on clouds of schizotypy
we put name to our demons
we did white magic at night
all by wire...
But you were by my side
not ever being alone
oh dear you warmed my heart
Like a squish! I don't know what this is
An ephemeral romance of the mind
A bound sensation to be found
Eternal...
We laughed, we lived, we cried.
Just 5 days in our lives.
Thanks.

So I ran away
I heard the sky crack wide open
It was way too much
I needed to leave, for a while from
Not you or me or us
but the monster I had created

An Angela Hayes steps on the scene.
She’s ugly and she’s beginning to rot.
She’s pretty and her bones are broken.
She’s a shadow of herself.
She’s drowning yet she’s beautiful.

It was dark, dark inside.
Dark, dark outside.
I got a punch from heaven, who knows
Got sent to hell, instead.

And I couldn’t handle it anymore
All the lies fell in front of my eyes.
All my paranoia, all the crazy schemes of my mind,
finally seemed to make sense.

It didn’t but at the time I had to explode or else I’d have died and lost touch from me ever.

Kisses that sting
Go deeper than the skin

I wanted to leave you
But there's a catch
You've done this more than once
You used your army of love
You've stung me more than once
With kisses and water for my thirst
All the kisses that sting...

All the kisses that men use
To get things from you
And they leave their mark
Not only in your neck but on the heart
Get an instant reaction
Calm down your insatisfaction
Feeding on starvation
Feeding on you...

Those kisses hold me hostage
They take me to heaven and further
They turn me on
and I'm a fiery stove
A wave rolling at an ocean deep,
breaking in the shore

Are you a stinger
Are you a bee in love?
I must break from your honey kiss
So I can be free without

Magic
is real
and you know it too
you've felt it already
but she hides
from everyone

Everything is so drenched on it
we do not realize
that magic is not outside
of this world
it is this world, so please don't stop
your fumbling around

Magic is your lover's kiss
when you're about to cry
magic is a roaring sea
suddenly getting all calm
Magic is someone covering your tracks
Magic is that silent tune filling suddenly these lungs
Magic is...every day's Sun

Magic is that sudden connection
you can guess but you can't explain
yet it is there
give in to its power, its subjective strength

you are the universe and
The universe does speak
but is it you or him you do hear?
It does not want to interfere
It says, "dare to be free"

Magic is that tiny star
that fills the whole sky
Everyone seeking her out
but she's been there all the time
There's magic in thee
if you just let it breathe

We are back
but there's something off...
You are shutting my mouth with love
I am cutting my limbs with devotion

He said, "what I feel for you is real"
(The resolution knocking on the door...
My future in a fight, playing chase with me)
and it sent shivers to me
happy to talk to him
He said, so many things
He pulled me forth as he always did
I was happy to have him, but my limbs...
Ah! My heart!
Now I'm trapped in between
myself and him
myself and him
really?

He's been an enjoyer
I've been in my cocoon
While he drank, ******, had a good time
I was discovering the beauty of tears,
the meaning, the pain, the logos of it

Now he takes my hand
leads me to his world
And I drag him to my pit
So he can stare at it
Have a glimpse...

Now I taste the vines
Now I see the world
"I brought you my bullets,
you brought me your love"

Now we exchange everything
I'm his secret garden and nothing else I wish

Now the artistically broken girl
meets the charming, calm man
Now the shadow meets the Sun

Now he shows me the light
Now he shows me I've been blind
too much time
were I?

I told myself to chase poetry - my life's purpose
But something is dragging me - making me low
Handicaps and tests all along the road
things just froze

I am confused, utterly disturbed
The meaning of the lights and the signs
no longer I can describe

Only when I'm immerse in the pain
I can see where I must stray
only when I'm head deep in ****
I can speak, but I'm bound
It's painful to be caught
in this aphasia of thought
of the heart

This is life through a window pain
this is make believe living for amputated girls
never never succumb to its spell
you've already had this - you were living dead
remember those days?
So many words to say, which will indeed find their way
but maybe not today.

Can I run away from the ruin of us!
No, I cannot. I am hurt like a hunt deer
and we are dead so I live through this
I breathe through this. But I do not live.
But you haven't broken me - it was me

So here I am, an aphasic driver
trying to get to my destination
trying to understand
trying to roam again
so ******* misled
right is wrong and right is left
trying to steer the wheel
like I always did

There is a hole inside my heart
that is
missing between my legs
I will miss you everyday
the things that we shared
No more kisses, no more intimacy
but I might die if I go on, keep like this
All because of the hole in my heart
Everything I'll do, but taking that
My brain explodes, it is too much
I love you, I love you, but I'm a knot inside.

What it is I feel for you?
I'm not sure
It certainly it's not just friends
but neither means going to bed

I never thought leaving
would hurt this much
I thought I'd be free
But I'm not sure, habit pulls
And I have a habit of your lips

But I also have a habit of
night of tension
and distress
and lack of arousal
and fear of myself
And I have to end it
I saw it clear
Clearer without "us"

No more knots than the necessary ones
Now I'm back to black
But I will fight with teeth and nails
to not drown, not drown.
I saw it clear, and I can't back down.
But knowing my emotional reality
hurts the most...

Why it feels so good
to be away?
To live in a little island by the sun?
I need time off.

All I really know is
I run too much
Threw myself in the arms of life
She held me tight till I choked
That's what I looked for!
And I knew it before.

"We float"

There is a shadow in the heart
Guitars in my ears
Plastic and somewhat real
The beauty of my moor, again here

I see the beauty, but am I made for this kind of beauty?
Am I a part of this world?
Something feels on and off
I saw things clear for the first time
Leyre, take your time, don't hurry up
I saw myself trying to be something else
than a back to black, hiding in my warm cocoon
"I don't want to be a living dead anymore"
But am I made to be something they are not?

I've been running away from years
or was I simply doing my thing?

And I saw it clear
but the shadows in my heart
won't let me see it clear enough
No more lies, take it slow from now on

I am a newbie to the world
trying out options
that I never thought
so this fear it's natural

Where is my mind?

Number one is the oldest one
in my life
he brings tears to my eyes
joy to my heart
I let him go because of the pressure
in my guts

His *** makes me shake
like no one else's
but there was a catch
I could not take off my mind,
forget

Number two gives me sweet recovery love
but we cannot fill the hole
calls me pretty any time
and I smile back, I smile back
but it's not gonna happen
not ever again

Number three used me
like a kleenex
to dispose of me anytime he wanted
how naive am i
to think you can just netflix and chill
how immature of me

Number four is the last one
he loves me lots but I?
I am afraid of his reactions
because his love is so wide
He's infatuated with me
and I could feel his love over me once
But I think I ran too fast
Feelings you can't control

I am crippled with men lately
but this is life
with a gun in your hands
and a broken one between your legs

They say I can't be a feminist and **** ****
They say my fantasies are capital sin
They censor my speech
They also like to say I'm quite meek
But too wild when I finally chill

They say I can't date a man older than me
They say this girl - who does she think she is?
They say I can't be on pills and against my chains
They say I can't bite the hand that feeds
And they just don't understand me
They say so much about me! I can feel it over my head
But I learnt to do something instead

So much hate and misunderstanding I get
But I use it to dye my hair
And prance like a peacock around
Showing my weird pretty feathers

**** it!
I know all your ****
It just won't soak up on me

You are back
with a bag full of promises and things
My heart crunched
and i said, "nothing's wrong with this"
Reconcile shock, love, and bad memories
Reconcile who I was with who I be
But, oh you...

The spiral of life
I see in front of my eyes
Coming back and never ever going back
How to tell you where I was?
How to tell you about the black
dark
night
that covers and heals the soul
How to tell about blinding lies

That the danger of my past
might be knocking my door more than once
How to seal that door

Wait for me!
This fattened dream of desires and fears.
Wait for me to strike back
Wait for me to let my hair down
Go back to the town
with a shiny new gun
that I had all this long ago time
Wait for me to ring my bell like Anita did
it is ringing
can you feel its sting
ha! truth is it has just begun
I would run through you
if only I just could

Wait for me to be fixed
wait for me to fully get a piece
Wait for me to come back
Wait for me to fly, to reach my dreams
To reach the core of me
This fattened dream of hopes and pressure
Of hidden owners of the gates to the kingdom
Waters running free, but ***** sometimes
I cannot wash
my desire in them, refresh myself

Now stand open the doors
It's not a matter of body
it's my whole soul

Maybe I feel like this is the path
but somehow it is not
Maybe they clipped my wings and chopped my limbs
And I grew from there on
What would I do without my source of pain
that gives me joy in the shape of poems

Something's quite wrong with me
but it was also back in time
When I couldn't write a line
when everything would turn a lie
I spent all this life
trying to be myself
and what I find is not always
something I can say

I turned myself upside down
or was it from the start WRONG?
I hear all of your words
They cut right through me like knives to the heart

Are you unworthy too
of tears
Do you make them pour
like he did

Not in the same way,
but still a lot of pain
I can see things happening.
I can do that drawing.

This **** got crafted a dark weekend
With stomach cramps and lots of sleeping
to hide from facts

You love me, you love me, you love me.
Or so you say. I have to believe you. No matter how hard is it. Is it?
Sometimes it's not me speaking
But the beast hidden in my chest
Looking around for you
to feed herself
satiate her never ending thirst
breeding more thirst
maybe breeding more pain

Bored - of all this ****
Please God free me
Give me what I need
I'm on my toes, you see?

I am tired of waiting
Of nervously pacing
around the house
around my head
I have marks in my wrists
still I break the chains

I am bored
I am ready to burn
in a free release
form
Let me break
Let me become

I am bored
but not ready
to give up

I've been you!
So I know what you're up to

I see those scholars of the future
in my crazed up dream
they talk about you and me
all the things all the me I laid here

Try to analyze what I speak
Try to know what I never knew
try to know more than I do
making up stories about what I meant
but still you've never been me
and I have no time to think twice
My fails and my smiles are only mine

I've been you!
And I appreciate the effort -I do-
But wonder only once
if, before reading anything
you bled at all

I'm a schizotypal in Babylon
Struggling to find my place in the world
The buildings are beautiful God is in every Stone
The lust of Babylon swallows me whole

And I fight, I fight
to get a hold of that
Violently open violently closed
I want to live a life but oh...

Oh this city is not brazen it is solid gold
It is so earthy and moving and funny
A rush of blood spreading through the body
There are men and women in every corner
and they speak of love with luscious tongues

And it's a battle, 'cuz I am limp
but the city lights, they're calling me
I try, I try, but I cannot stop trying

A schizotypal in Babylon
I belong here but sometimes IDK
Sometimes I can feel the huge gap and divide
But I refuse to think I cannot take this ride

I'll do it my way, I always did
but no one's kicking me outta here
A schizotypal in Babylon
in the city of God

We were watching Happiness
Alone in the dark
We got so hot we could
not hold it back

When under love's spell
Your rules and prisons are bent
You break your hidden doors
Discovering something lying ahead...
Moans high like heaven

When in love
you see things a different way
New senses everywhere
New realizations sent

When deeply in love
You can catch the world
And see the motions you never saw before
The colors they change
You read the signals
In a new fangled take

But I broke way too fast

Now it's a whole different day
Although love remains
And I find myself thinking
the crazy things I did

When in love
A little spice at the door
Thoughts they go crazy
while having fun...

When under love's influx
I lost touch with it
Even with myself
In favor of something else...

But oh God the good love
It's this life's true taste
All that we aim for
Unstable true happiness

But oh God the good love
It's a kiss on a long long night
It opens your eyes
Shows from you a side
you didn't know you had

Tell me where do you draw the line

Bunch of weirdos - that's what you are!
You click with me - must be that
Bunch of lights around my heart
Surviving life on Earth - side to side
Relaxing chocolate in winter
and with you the clouds
are still threatening but - your words
I can grasp
an answer in the blackness - I see peace

Bunch of chances that I came across
For fate, God's design or just my luck
Uniting souls, we don't need to ****
We are beyond and below those sacred sweet bonds
I show you my colors, and you show me yours.
Talking about our lives, we flow, we flow, we flow.
Around my core.
You all share a piece of who I am
Different words, different worlds?
You give coherence and form and stability and sweet camaraderie
to the real bunch of things here: ME!

Poetry is not life
Poetry is the suicidal plank
we hold on to
Poetry is life
how could it not be that?
Poetry is crippled ones
with metal legs dancing around
Poetry is the meaning
of our lives
Poetry is false, poetry is true
Poetry is death - poetry is life.

A year since I first tasted life
No more filters or ghost kissers for me
A year since my body and soul were set on fire
In a long weekend's puddle, it came
It's my secret birthday
of love and pain
It all began with my glitter slippers in my feet
I walk the path of spring...
and its sunshowers
its storms
its weather...crazy

Thomas, go **** your self.
But you were the first.
I cannot forget.
Unworthy beginning.
A year since.

I can spot the points where I fell
It's all a bunch of nerves
and arousal and unrequited love

It's all about getting used to ****
Demisexuality? I kiss way too easily
The old pathway reigns supreme
it always wins! If you allow it
I am gnawing on hard bones
I am getting attached to the hard drugs
that I never planned to get caught on
yeah, that's it: I'm ******* caught.
Erasing myself quickly - but no more
It's like getting used to a same song
(Obstacle 1 by Interpol played now)
and ignoring the myriad offered by the world

In your absence - I am something and nothing
In your presence - a electricity current
A drug shot to the vein, that makes me forget
about safety and health, and I beam
but I know it's not correct, in fact,
it's a mistake
because you and I will drown
in a well of pain

London opened my eyes
was it me? was it my friends?
River Thames
I knew you'd clean my brain

This is a maze full of mirrors
where you walk and you are not aware where
this is a multilayered question
too, too many questions
This is a game of sensations
This is a perpetual, enticing confusión
This is a strange feeling, wondering about my spirits
and my mental sanity
This is a puzzle to solve
This has a solution
that I still don't know
time will show

This has me day and night, on and on
I stop, but when it comes

Way too Deep to even put it
so Deep it becomes tangled
too profound, abyssal ground
the land of those roaming around
happily
but sometimes, like now,
OH, the dark!
the dark gets my mind
the light doesn't smile too much
and sends distorted perceptions down my spine

What is real? What is fake?
Too much at stake

Loneliness - I carved you with my hand
And life made you to my size
I wasn't even aware of it
I hate you, I love you to death

My life is an empty notebook
A few names written by chance
That I never really invited there
People that bypassed hell

People that were with me
although I was not with them
Too much **** going on in my head
back then

But I do know it's not simply luck
as nothing really is
You are getting engraved like stone
With the rocking rhythm of the years.
(like the sea)

And I wish to break the spell
but it's not easy
being a cupcake amoeba
plus a tube of pills

Loneliness, I bred it on my own
But it's not my fault
I know the answer, not very well
but
it's not the way it was

Loneliness - or rather aloneness
you are the way I am
Aloneness - but
Loneliness - kick you away

He's unworthy of such an ode
But there it is, all I wrote
I don't love him - not at all
but today I got high again
on the remembrance of his love

How you pushed me against the wall
to kiss me in ways I didn't know
The story of my self-contained passion
that I didn't know, I didn't know

It was such a regression - so sweet the air around me!
The places where love breathes
My own heart's a tour through Madrid
My brain tries to work - but I can only feel it all

...if one can call what you gave "love"!
I should have seen it coming before
But I didn't, and I misread
your words and gesture,
you so well disguised!

You're an unworthy starter of riots.
No prize for you in my heart
But today in the subway, I was spawning
I nearly lose my mind (it was fun!)

I am a runaway
By choice
By vocation
It's in my veins
But no one chooses ever really
to be on the run
"I just had to"

I am struggling
Like I never did
And I fear losing myself
while I drift
While I fight
I thought, I always get lost
won't you pick up my bones
from the floor
if I fall down again
I won't
if I fall again
trying to stand still
breaking the spell of the house
breaking my million spells
both black and white

All my relaxation has left the building
all the happy paths I drew while dreaming
while planning
replaced with this feeling
that degenerates, fades, changes
but the seed is still alive
i'm still shooting
i'm not dead

How not to let the wrong men in the world
WIN?

Thomas, now I am closer to you.
Now that I am *** crazed
Now I had that taste
And yet
I know you are lost
because you missed the point
that shaking legs
is essentially love

It wasn't fair
stripping me bare
but you were just a shadow
a ghost that played
a stain
a ******* stain
in the canvas
of my days

The travel is long, and wide, and Deep
But you're here, holding my hand, with me
Couldn't think of a better one to tread this with
Regardless of what happens, of what goes on
We'll never, ever be torn

The travel is tough, and wild, and surprising
But I can abide, if you have the patience
In my transitions, I'm caught now
But I'm not alone
In my travel towards the Sun

The travel you began
Thanks, thanks, thanks.
Little steps lead to a long path walked
I've done this on my own, alone

The travel is something i cannot lose
Throw away the wrong spells
Keep some for help.

My fear, my fear
like a broken link

Read my body wide open like a book
Read everything I've been through
The body speaks volumes
Like it we or not
Because...was I tainted from the start?
Did I divert myself in some point of the path?
Here I am
thinking too much
Maybe I should go back
to where everything came from

Maybe I should go back
To nine years old
libido still unpoisoned so
still not cracking
still pure
and ***** like love

13 years old
Shaking on a bed under the promise of love
Shaking on my fears, but still alive
and even too heavy with life
The wounds open, scars wide
It frees energy and pain

Then got lost
in me
Got foreign to me
Now I'm back
whatever it is
But there's a memorial sleep
in my limbs

Feeling like the ugliest thing
The most broken one
All I am comes undone
I woke up fearful, but happy because of you
Of all the love I receive
And never expected to
My brain repeats sentences
Neuroticism lies ahead
My fear reduces me
to nothing

Kiss me baby
Nurse me in you

The poison saves
if you know how to handle it

Between two waters
I am
i don't know even how to call them
but they are there

You better flee, flee away from here!
And stay at the same time
an equilibrium you'll find
not to end up killed or killing
chase your true dreams
chase your true self

I find this is my place
I find these are my folks
I find I can make it in the city of lights
but not without you, my lovely darkness, my only light

Toll the bells!
because we are not anymore
what we were
our happy funeral
with uplifting songs
and heart taking hymns
with merry chants
with sweet Deep moans
with wide smiles
with tears dropping from our eyes
as we say goodbye
as I know we'll always love each other
as we taste the last time
as the city waves goodbye
a kiss in each corner, in each subway station
a remembrance - of what bloomed these days
But my past chases me
I chase my own steps
I am the wolf of my own dreams
I sacrifice myself to stay alive
But no longer
Stunted growth has to go
as I venture into the city lights again
the city lights that spoke your name
the things I will never forget
I might be back (I know this getting away is merely to be back)
but when?

I need to flee
to find out
who I am meant to be

Go for them open ***** hole girls,
go for wild long nights of ***
For their throbbing fingers and love
once I gave to you

Go for all the Tinder girls that were before me
Go for fully blown life
Go for all the girls that can fulfill you
Girls not loving psychotically as I do
Girls whose clock is not ticking away in a countdown to hell
Girls not in love with the darkness, like I
Girls who don't bet all they have to you, their one card

Go for the life, cheat on me baby
I fully will understand
I already do.

Every day is a fight for me
a sweet, calm, strong, ever battle
but at least I can fight it
not like now,
i am reduced to nought
there's nothing for me to talk about

the confusion is way too much
my thoughts in a foggy knot

I lose myself
when I lose you

Poetry might have left me today,
but not joy, I say.
My words run dry but I bloom inside.
Poetry lives now within.
Everything clear - nothing and all to speak
Inmanent poetry - everywhere I see

We come and we go so different a place
But we encountered once at the maze
And here we remain
A dead echo of what we once were
A little sketch of our lives for the people to stare

Our lives come together - like rivers to the ocean
but they flow in different motions
Are we the ocean anymore? I don't think so
but in a way, we are the one
we are bound in time
(You saw me breaking in parts
You saw me falling to the floor
and never mumbled a word)

We grew not apart;
there was no anger or pain in our steps
we grew not apart!; we grew up
I moved towards health from the womb of doom
Like little flowers opening its fiery jaws to the world
A world that won't eat us anymore
(although it tries REALLY hard)
Now we've got different addresses
the mail just won't arrive
the mail is not ours
exes and lovers hoard our lives
including mine!

But the arrows point to our hearts
I am not the girl I was
Lost and confused and so sure of nothing at all
A girl wandering, her mind as well as the world
Finding herself in madness
Never back on the road! Not your road
I'm here waiting for my shiny new gun
In my shiny new boots, I repaired before
I am a woman in the run
I am a woman from now on
I am a woman since his arms
We are women, and men
We walked a lot
since then

(It's something hard to touch with your hands
when you act like you had an eye on your back)
but nevertheless there
It lies in the blue of my hair
and the things I did
The way I flow, the way I move, the way I be
The way they talk, the way they think
How I carved my path in life
how they carve theirs in turn
Where do I belong
I have a slight idea now

You calm down your own fires
The ones you fueled well and strong before.
I am your fire, so take care of me.
So I don’t die, and can make you warm.

You need no diamonds, you need nothing more
But your own will to make me burn.
I am your fire, so take care of me.
So I don’t die, and can make you warm.

Just drop me a line, “i miss your touch”
“I’m away from you but i miss you much”
Anything from you.
You are my fire. Keep me warm.

We are each other’s fire, and so we burn…
The conflagration of us…
The relieving fire of existence

I have high dreams
of liberty
They say I ask for too much,
but all I ask for is life
A hand under my pants, if I feel like
If not, I'll watch the lights shine
A sun smiling at me, a moon lulling me to sleep
A poster with Amy and Courtney
Telling me: "you are strong! You can do this!"
This is merely a dream, but I will do anything
This is possible. This could be.
The doors open, like a wound on the flesh
It hurts but it could hold the key to this
I will do anything for this
I haven't spoke ever so candidly, I never did.

You haven't heard my cries for help
I felt the worst way - so you were in my list of names
I wasn't alone, but you weren't there
Again, again, you do this to me again
What's your game?

I told you my biggest hopes and fears
and you ran away, ignored me.
You cannot stand - my non-virginity
You cannot stand - I'm not yours, dear
I am not your *****. Maybe he's right about this.
Maybe I loved you, maybe you never did.
But I've got remembrances of you
too deep, too sweet

And when you come, I'll say hello
No matter how many times you missed - the drum
Again, again, again.
It doesn't surprise me at all.
You are Humbert. Or Quilty, who knows. Am I Dolly though?

María says I am such a special one
so original so individual
so sparkly so peculiar
she reads me and it's been two days
is she an angel? my ****** brain says
Giving me money instead of manna
And doing so with a smile

María speaks a lot
says I am an assertive gal
When she puts the finger in my wounds
it gets hard to talk
When she says there must be a root to all this
I think, can she really see?

María sees all but she doesn't see at all
she doesn't know the foremath
she doesn't know the full extent
she hasn't seen the wounds in my arm
she hasn't seen the mist or my fall
who really cares?

You don't know how hard it has been

I did it to run from pain
but the pain was still there
And that's how tragedy begets
even if I was not aware
All good and all evil
come from this escapade
Sometimes
you get lost in a dance so intense

That dim obliterating shade
being inexistent, zero, still was there!
That dim obliterating shade
I could not bear

I did it to shut down my brain
it takes our whole lives, this running away
from the cradle to the grave
we are chasing dreams, we are escaping death
(and it is our noblest sin)
and it is right. it is fine.
Just make sure you do it okay.
Do not flee to not come back again.
It's all about reality. Make sure you stay.
In the ever Sun, in the middle lands,
a magic bolt right through your head,
do not forsake yourself

We are here to make sense
in the most ultimate way!
We lose it - thinking we will gain
Do not leave your body - rather wait
And now I admit there was a small ache,
it seems to dissolve, like wonderfully fade.
Last famous words - Let the flow overtake!

Where are you tonight?
I'm playing russian roulette with my heart
Giving it away to strangers in my pain
Which is getting to be too much

Where are you tonight
while I count hours away
while you live your life
and I waste it with anyone
and I end up over the top
tired of who's talking to me a lot

I gave my heart to the wrong man
tonight
I fell under familiar deathly spell
again
but this time I'm a watchdog
it won't happen twice

He says my poems are depressing
And I fear I'm going down the path again
of telling my life to anyone
This fake freedom that really is nothing but
wrong
being adapted to anything but myself
He says my poems are depressing
And I wasn't even there
I can't help but write about these things
I can't help myself
I can't help my life is such a mess

But in the other hand...
you cannot see my dark
but maybe you cannot see my shine
either

There is a slant of dark
leaking, dripping to my heart
There is an obscure chest pressing feeling
I can't seem to kick off

My fear is harboured inside
My slant of dark never leaves
It can be distracted but never flees
I have to think carefully about this

Why the slant of dark is pressuring me?
Taking away my glee
I have reasons to laugh, to breathe
But the slant of dark curbs my bliss

I feel like I have fell too deep
for you
I feel helpless
because I can't stop

The slant of dark drowns me in night
Makes me cry, feel unloved, feel bad
What is the secret to handle
the slant of dark
is it warning me? is it ******* me up?
is it wisdom? is it dumb words from mom?

Do you remember
being 14
utterly lost
but found somehow

That headache
That heartache, too
(how to draw the line in them two?)
Getting turned on to anything
A politically incorrect *** machine.
Hugh Laurie - he swims in your thoughts
All the girls, anything goes
Gerard Way, Paul Dano, your cousin's husband
Come on! I wanna give you my love...
I don't care - girl or ****

Oscillating wildly
between life and death
That's where it lies
You end up on sertraline
But you can't take me from me

Do you remember
the twisted ways
of those days
I feed on them, no matter how long ago
Disentangling this - my job

Tomorrow the tables will turn, images pile in my head
Your sweet kiss that turned sour is gone
but so is my anguish
The sky is clear tonight
So much fight, so much strife
You could not handle it and neither could I

I will miss this, but awhile
I see my uncertain future, I won't wait for that
Life never turns out the way you thought
And my life looks awake, I can hold no more
Oh you truly awakened me
I had been sleeping for too long.

Not all that sparkles and peaks
is it
Not all that happens
it's real
The whiteness took my limbs, and lulled itself
to sleep, to sleep, to sleep.

Reach yourself in the strangest ways
The weird, weird timing of days!
Pay no attention to your brain
It will try to trick you anyway
"Shut my mind", I say
Free my pathways
Free me from myself

Every Saturday and holiday I spend here
seems to reanimate my fears
what are we, what are we?
Are we?

Would things be better
if it didn't exist
that it

Every Saturday makes me wonder
where is he
without me
echos of mom's voice resonate within
making me feel weak
is there a lack of commitment
he's sweet, sweet, quintessential delight for me
but he leaves me missing in the phone
feeling slightly like my heart broke
what is missing in our pic
what is wrong with us
is there anythin' I cannot see

I said, "I'm darkness" but I lied
I'm darkness, are you the light?
I have light inside to set free
It just takes me and only me

I said, I'm only happy when it rains and that's right
There's a hole in my heart that life cut
So deep it can't be sewed back
But let's keep on trying, let's keep on driving

I said, I'm darkness, so you get used to the concepts
The concepts in my brain...
Some of us need a fully human savior
or a whole load of them!
This ray of light in the rain, something fused with the landscape
A sweet surprise in the end of your drink
You might get away from me, it's true
If you only knew...
But this tastes sweeter, truer, than any kiss could
Or so!

Semi-ray of light, in a weird rainfall
Rain so colourful, all around me, yeah

This might be a true ray of light
for me, for us
Walking in old new shadows
in my door

Don't
leave
me
now
I need you

I was so eager to see you,
late evening of Christmas.
Bag full of books,
one desire inside (you)
I was falling, even if I didn't know.
I greeted you with a kiss on the lips
that you seemed to run away from

You wanted me in your bed,
you wanted a quick ****
You wanted something different
You were not hooked like that
But all I had was thirst for your love
My *****, unclean love you set free
on a dark Barceló street

And this is what you become.
A faded memory sometimes too strong.

In your room I saw your sweetness
and when we walked I saw it too
Bewitched under your lights
Emanating, I thought, from you
But you were a night inside
Steamy and cold at the same time

Bleeding like a rose in love
I was. You said you were happy,
that we'd meet again.
But I could see things going other way.

Your lack of satisfaction.
This ***** game we played.
The way you run away from my love
in the streets, you don't want connection with me.

I should have read the signals
that you merely wanted to ****.
But I was in too deep and I listened to no one's advice

So now I see, past the growling,
the words, the songs, everything.
Past the lies you told me.
They are too many.