I know how to quickly dissolve
in literary forms
But you must beware, be aware, because...
He didn't **** you - you don't know what really hurts
Life is wider than all of these thoughts

I'd rather have Lil' Kim than McKinnon
I'd rather feel ***** and filthy
That we women are still shamed
for feeling, behaving this way!

Not all men are enemies - you are a Iago, poisonous snake
whispering noisily on our ears
But I'm over it because with LOVE I am filled.

And this is the crux of it:
you can **** yourself. You can ****.
You can drive to your ruin. Who's to blame?
Not you, but not him.

I have a man. He's the one.
He's got me. I am his, whole.
Shame me for feeling in love!
Shut up, you fake feminist.
Stop your spell, your undersexed kiss.

Love and **** - then we'll talk

I am ***** a thousand times
but not in the ways you describe
I am ***** by men calling me a ****.
I am ***** by a system that doesn't understand.
I am ***** by women like you - ****** my brains

Girls keep blowing! they'll keep touching you ****
Men don't deceive us - we will not answer to this

Sixteen again, in a way
No cuts in the outside, but I fear
the spell of these days
over me

Wrong man
he ***** with my head
The spineless girl, she laughs at my face
I don't wanna get drunk in pain
this way

He makes my crazy wheels run free
What do you know, wrong man, of the long path of pain I treaded? Of all the things I have defeated?
Of how it all spins the way it has to spin -
how pain is at the core of everything

Wrong man:
he's made of iron and Steel
he's proud he cannot feel
he's rotten but he cannot see
Blindness is his way to live

Hear him and his speech
of bile and hate towards everything!
No disabilities, no caring for others for him
Things gotta be the way they gotta be
******* if you cannot fit

The spineless girl - she's tricky to me
who she is really? I confided in her so many times but oh!
Wrong man comes and switches her around
she says yes to anything, she switches dramatically

Wrong man and the spineless girl, the couple everyone wants to be
A dream for those who cannot see

Wrong man says I should thank him
that he pays for me!
Wrong man is so sick
to the bones of him

Wrong man, wrong man
is there any chance for you to change?
to become human, be granted a heart of flesh
you did once, but did you do with all you are?
It's true: keep paying and I'll keep struggling
Alone, without you
as I have mostly been

I am thankful to life
but you showed how you are inside
I won't ever forget this, probably

People don't write poems about things like this
They are not the things that really make you live
but they can be what makes you die

The pressure in my head, the doubt inside
They threaten me with insecurity
They threaten me with fickleness
Because it's not it what I'm fighting
but myself

A dream thrown to the garbage bin
Somethings I never was, will never be
My life goes through odd rivers
and I sweat the fever
the first moment I encountered it
because that's what it does
I see better in the darkness,
because every light burns brighter?
My mind operates in strange
motions

Am I sure about what I'm going to do?
I was, until you came and shot my true dreams.
You shot the meaning out of me.
But it's not your fault, hear
it wasn't you but me

What do I want from life?
All I want is to be free and keep breathing
And get away as fast as I can
But I must pass this test before
The otherness creeping under the door
to my eyes

I must do something
but what I love I cannot do -my mind binding me-
and it's the only thing I can do! -my fate showing me-
This is what I feel
is my problem now

I've acquired some bad habits
since we left
My soul has been ****** away
and so does my pain

I am enclosing myself
but isolation feels so well

I am crossing to the other side
the one that saw me come to life
Like a baby - my birth was hard to live through
and shocking and confusing and sad
but this time
it's a different kind of ride

It was easier to reach back in time
It came natural but it was limp inside
I never speak for others,
merely from my side
This paradise that feels defective
lacking shine
I am dragging myself down
I am starving myself - on my bones

I've acquired bad habits since we broke up
High on confusion, poetry and legal drugs
My space is being taken up
This witchcraft - this spell that's cast

And a line of meaning, the junction
struggles to be found
It comes, but it is too big to hold at once
He saw me come from the underground
He saw me spring and wrap him in my love
But it's not enough

I am dying and waking up at the same time
Crazy state of mind
I never stopped being such -

Dramatically altered and changed
I am the same but oh, never again
Hell strikes back - what am I to do?
Bring back this state - its good fruits

I can witness my old pain
it doesn't look the same
the mirrors do reflect
but anyway I see myself...

[I saw it clear, dear
I (we) can't stay here
Maybe I was so high
but only high I think right]

Pick my pieces from the floor
make sense of this mess
that has rearranged my heart
this blurry epiphany I've had
looked through by London's eyes

I saw a flickering bright light!
Just a second - enough because so much shine!
an omen that -maybe- things were right
I saw a luminary
I have to process and think
but it's an apparition
I can't let go to just dissappear

Because it never was perfect at all
but this is how perfect was born

And London is an escape
London is a hiding place
where you confront reality
in trippy, playful new ways

My smile was true and wide
no pain, just enjoying the ride
why it can't be like that all the time?
Perched on worries melting to the Sun

Because it never was perfect at all
but this is how perfect was born.

I've got too many sensations to write them down
they flutter around me, they are so loud

I was a Bonsai girl - severed and shaped by your love
I forgot who I was - addicted to your drugs
I need to grow - once again
Will I get trapped? In my own wild foliage
Nothing holds me back - not you, not I
So sweet your bed - but I need something else

The doors are wide open - I just can't say no
I should have done this much before
Day 0 will save us all

Manless! Because I can
There is calmness, human connection, warmth!
There is a world apart from ***
There is a world less rough over there
Rite of passage passed - I am sane
Let me lose my mind again
I was not alone all this time - and I don't need a man
A new era opens its jaws - I go all for it now

Once upon a time
My ***** throbbed real hard
I was caught in desires
The hidden side of me, now

And I forgot who I am
because of life's binds and bounds
And now you ask me about
that part of life that remained outside
and always inside
You ask me about that side
that never died
only slept too Deep

My past - I never got to accept
It was family, dad saying - why you support them?
It was hurtful, life stripped me bare
But I had no recollection of hurt
It was simply there

Once upon a time
my life shone with potential
I had life running through my veins
like blood rushing to the brain

My secret of girls
my secret of love
my secret of truth
my secret of my fate
hidden somewhere

Once upon a time
I was not hurt
and that's why my *****
throbbed oh so hard.

If you can't do anything else
You could taste a minor victory over pain
You could take a ride and write a guide on hell
You could get diamonds from the dry reaver lands
You could make jewelry that ironically hurted your hands
You could document horror with Polaroids
You could win a prize that almost makes you die

In case of emergency - let it out
But not to drown
But to gain control
In case of emergency - ring the alarm

If you can't do anything else
You could try till death
If you can't do anything else,
You could try to survive the terrible fire
And laugh the day it ends.

Jung, Nietzsche, Schopenhauer and me
Lost in translation - lost in the sea
Wandering in the corridors - deathly, sweetly
A rolling wave threatens my head - I fight it this way

The embrace of her philosophy teacher
satisfies her
She's a spark; she'll be on fire
but no one seems to see what goes inside her
Philosophy lover because there's nothing else
than going over and over about the meaning and the pain

Beautiful alien philosopher! Her lover says
but she's so kept to herself
She knows the world by books, not by contact or sense
Now she waves goodbye those days
Where philosophy grew strong but life went astray
and so philosophy lost its way
She craved living, but living didn't take her hand
She was a ticking bomb, could be that

But I declare
you can know the world by wire.
It's like knowing the world
from behind a curtain
Through a glass, in a map
Although I know the accidents
first hand.

So in the end it's philosophy and me.
Growing flowers from concrete.
A definite kind of beauty
at the core of everything

You said can't take it no more
I bled a stream of painful love
Who's gonna save me from?

Only Matti and Klem there
To sing to my pain
Lull it to hibernate
(I am breaking free,
but it hurts, you see)

Imagination going wild
so sweetly, so casually
When they grab each other on stage
this girl boils and forgets

Getting deep into hell
You pushed me to the pit
burning there because I sin
You left me here
Why did you do that to me?
Only Klem and Matti understand
appease the gush of blood

Only Klem and Matti
to spice up the scene
of my broken days
they did leave at last
but I will always remember
what they did for me:
entertain me and anesthetize me
so I could undergo this hit
Eyes fully open, but it doesn't ache
Hands on deck, but enjoying the place

Every now and then
a happy poem comes
From my lips, from my thoughts
Sometimes sweet for my tongue

And it's surprising - it feels odd
But it came alone, on its own
A feeling that I can fight it all
Despite the bitterness of this ******* world
A feeling of beauty in chaos
A feeling I won't give up
A feeling of calmness, peace inside
Growing in my room or in the outside
Growing in me, a sense of relief
A sense of beauty, a grasp of it

It is a process
not a sudden coup d'etat
But at the same time
there are weeks in which your whole life lays

It seized me that way in class
You and I, what the ****?!

My thoughts got out of my hand
I could tell no one, my knotted heart
The answer was one I could speak
but I doubted I could feel
Everythings gets so ******* twisted
So hard to see clear
Like a fire it threatened to sweep what I held dear
Guess what? Not what y'all think
Guess what? it's not "us"

But now
You've got a girl and I've got my man
And all of a sudden, the doors opened up:
(no more doors of hell, please)
And I had seen clearly who we are
I had a sun like vision
I saw it in a bus downtown:

We are like two vessels of blood
that need to flow together, side to side
They stick around but never come together
They are friends, they are not lovers

This wound will close in time!
When it's over I will probably laugh

what if they cannot handle
what we know it's true
They could not handle me
They could not handle you
What if my mom thinks I *******
What if the world thinks I love you
This is the simplest, truest way:
you are simply my friend
and it's up to me
to handle it all well

We are the weird recepcionists!
Sassy, strange flair - for your clean office!
Wild flowers - in a vase
Shape-shifting - for the day

Thinking about God,
thinking about it all
when I am in my own
Your chit chat makes me mad
But I am a mingling alien lass

Yet - can you see me?
see me glow?
Between these post-its and receipts
The fireflies around here

Shape-shifting - wearing a disguise
it doesn't **** me under because I know
what it does
can you feel me? not that I care
Flowers tamed - for a portion of the day
Tamed? More like paused, in the make
Waiting to be released, to come out and play
(This is a disguise, the most comfortable
I could find, I don't dislike it. But it's not who I am)
watch me off duty, committing to myself
watch me in the desk, a confetti bomb
ticking away!

I've got an itch all over me
I've got an itch in my dreams
Making me scream
Making me feel
I use other's hands to scratch away
but there's a point that makes it halfway
but there's a part that's gone astray
Yet the itching's burning, I need some release
I need someone's kiss...
Lips come together bodies rub
Oh yeah! but...
My life's circuits have been turned off
My skin has been peeled away
And this strange itch is what remains.

Why do I feel like this?
I feel you away from me
Have I fallen too deep?

Now everything's fine
are we close to die?
This pressure in my chest
this loneliness

And it's not up to you
and neither up to me it seems
that loving you carries
of sufferment a little tear
It wasn't like this
it is my fear, beating strong
killing me

And this fever consumes me
it's heavenly, are you ill too?
And my desire runs deep
All I need, all I need

Why do I feel like this?
(should be doing CBT)
I try to understand
I try to find some peace
I know your love for me
is strong
but sometimes I just can't see it

This is the price you pay
For being close - to her
A fundamental death of you
Clothed as life's substitute

But when the light comes - it never comes
His arms - I cannot react all I can
Maybe it's not my light
Where the **** is my light

I am a tangled, idle web
I want to untangle - for God's sake!
But my ropes are used to this
They find comfort and bliss
in the lack of beat
(And they build a rhythm, of the soul
A survival guide for the heart
A new generation
An old music
so everything's kept in place)
For it meant trouble, a lot of time ago
Can I go back to myself? Should I go?
This is the real web
What others put me through
I am nothing but the consequence
of what they did to me

Find an answer - real soon
Gotta move
even sooner

Girl 18 diagnosis unknown
possible BPD but we don't know
This year I broke down
Starting roaming around stations and places
Looking for a place to heal my bruises
What bruises? I can't tell anymore
So numb, so sore
A year that meant too much
you can see the toll in the lines in my arms
you can see my eyes are sick without love
I am building a story; it wasn't me who wove it
I swallowed everything - like a sailor lost in the dark sea
that will do anything to be saved
he promises anything because he saw death
I am so lost, I don't know who to trust anymore.
Waking up every day in a haze
Sweet haze of pain!
She's Ophelia, on the make
Although she doesn't know the name
And shattered and displaced
inside
Looking so good so disturbed
Listening to Top40 songs
meaning her whole heart...
did nothing at all, yet I'm tired of everything
I know nothing, but I know all about hurt
The devil is creeping into my head
He interferes with my sleep. He kills my dreams.
I am learning to be a good girl. Even if it tears me apart.

I can't see the Sun as clear, yet it shines
I feel left alone, yet I'm not
I can't see what I love in my face, yet it is there
I can't touch what I want (you my heart)
yet it didn't die...

Keep casting spells on the walls of the jail with songs
Keep waiting for better days to come
Yet, nothing is wrong, just cloudy weather
but no storms

Carry on with this little burden of mine
That I will carry on for you
to relieve you from the weight
I know you love me, but you are away
Like the Sun on a rainy day
It might be mock darkness,
but it freezes all the same
I know you love me
,though, so I endure
the winter while I wait

When I was
unexamined
things flowed
and sparked
at irregular intervals
of time

I expected nothing
and it happened
sweet something
sweet serendipity

I feel like I was 13 again
Betting to one card all of my fate
Because there's no other chance
Going to therapists...but with a change:
Now I fight with all it takes.
I've been - radically expressed

I feel like in a different space and time
But this time, it is a different hue, a new shine

I will fight because
I've already been through too much.
I will get down and *****
when it comes to living

Xeplion advert and I fix my eyes
"you cannot go further than that"
I am watching it and I am just a child
lost in the jungle pitch black
of my mind
A life broken, a life begun
Xeplion advert - now I can reconstruct
I became a ****** flower
no you can't play with my power
no you can't **** with me
you can tame but never extinguish
the fire in me

I am dying
Or at least it's the way I am feeling
I died with a smile on my face
Tell the moral majority
That will show them they won over me
They won't bring flowers to my tomb
Because they don't see the difference between death and life

I was rising from the dead
No you won't send me back there

Two ways to lose your head:
in joy, or in pain
Being the feverish, cheeky fool,
or indulge in
self-destructive moods!

You think it's about deep or shallow.
You are at your most profound,
when you smile wide

I know what I choose.
I don't mind madness anymore.
I mind meaningless ache.
But if I have to accept or reject,
I know what I do.
I choose midnight long talks
and a million kisses and a million hugs
I choose being too high without drugs...
I choose feeling frequencies, I choose lush
I choose losing my mind, to find me back

To be nuts till the end,
but squeezing the fruit
to lick its juice
instead of blades.

find comfort in a lover's hand
find comfort in an unshakeable ground
it's easy when you just walk around
making your way as you go yet
sure of what you want

We are far
And then we talk
Are you with someone else
We say "yes"

And I'm with someone too
but I hate him to my bones
He's just a shadow of me and you
What are we doing then
with our days
What kind of stupid charade
Game do we play?

But if you break up now, I'll rush back to your arms
I've realized I love you much, now I do
And the others, they are crap
They don't fill my heart
His touch is not yours [at all]

And I start to cry
And I laugh
like a maenad in ecstasy
touching the sky
with our fingertips
And we talk, we cannot stop
this re-joining of the souls
Could swallow me whole

But if you break up now, I'll rush back to your arms
I've realized I love you much, now I do
And the others, they are crap
They don't fill my heart
His touch is not yours [at all]

I've had many men all this time
Trying to find your hand

I am hooked on you
merely hooked
not in love
and not desiring anymore

I have to learn to handle
so you don't destroy me
and I don't destroy you either
I've already been here

The mind is such a liar
the heart it entangles much
this emptiness
sure doesn't help

You came in a given matrix
but you can't turn to be the matrix itself
(You never were, and thus is how big things are made)
The matrix is bigger than you
and much bigger than me

This stylization is not stylish at all
This standby of the soul
this going deeper to the seams
which burst and scream
but I can feel

Give me more questions
give me more ecstasy
give me this holy break
give me the sacred visions

Mariana had everything a girl could wish for
Her parents approved it and she smiled
Her friends said for once it was right
Everything easy - the waters still
Everything in place, where it should be
Her lover kissed her everytime
but she can't put her soul when she does
2 meters tall and blue eyed
A breathing fantasy - but something's amiss
Mariana always felt this
Mariana had the perfect life
But she has the perfect twist

But Mariana has a yearning inside
A blaze devouring her guts
making her burn in desire
All of this is a lie
She's missing the fix from his brown eyes

Mariana had already done this before
But this time she feels so unwrong
Mariana has already broke up
with everything in the world
but this time she'll shoot for keeps
this time she doesn't get killed

Mariana said STOP
Suddenly, so abrupt
I want to get off this bus
Because she's got something best
This is not what I want
I am merely trying to get along
Mariana burnt the house down
in pure joy to exist

Everyone was so shocked
She saw the light
she had been trying to look the other way
but you can't run away
from the promises desire makes

And now Mariana is on the road
and she's home
her soul is free and some say she's gone
but she does not care
beauty hit her in the face
and that's something she can't refuse

I might survive, or at least not fall apart
No fainting and no tears
I might pass this stage and still be alive
This time I didn't cry, I didn't shout
but ah, my breathe...
I could barely breathe, still.

Even if I have different skins for different times
The reason why I die and I survive
I will never forgive you
Another wound you inflicted
You think you're right
but you're the one that remains unloved
I know your ways
better than anyone else does
it's another stone to count
for the times you hurt

I'm not really surprised about this
I always knew

He showed me that body and mind go hand in hand
That all the tales mom told us and the church and what not
are a lie in fact
He showed me the bleach, other's lips,
that mind governs the body and not the other way around
he showed me sweet times laid in his bed
he showed me LOVE
even if he doesn't know

He keeps writing every day
Does it mean he cares?
He fills my heart
with his words
I became his immobile marble muse
His untouchable desire
That makes you long more because you cannot touch
We became shadows, corpses of what we wanted to be
Wait for me! There I go!
Wait for me! I'm almost there!
You will see my shiny new gun!
Just give me time!

I woke up one day
(it wasn't just one day but many of them)
And I looked in the mirror
and it wasn't me!
I could not recognize a thing...
best feeling in years

I could not match
what I am with who I was
I've been rewired from scratch
A new-old me shines
I've been altered - I hope it's for life

Who I was meant to be
away from all that I used to be
phobia, fear
breaking down, scream

And who am I to blame
for this dramatic change?
Was it pills, was it me, was it fate?

It wasn't the girl that I had been
the feelings and actions I had seen
all that I had came to be...
drifting away to darker roads
I have been reborn
maybe I have to thank God

The pink around me swallowed me whole
Everything was pink! Coloring my bones
Everything was in order - but all of my own
The water started boiling - after years in full stop
Maybe a lifetime, I could not tell - it was so long

And now I cry - and now I shake
and now I ache - but I am not the same
I am the wooden girl, the alien
made human -saved- by whose hand?
Her own spell

What do you think there is further?
What kind of milk and honey lies there -
what paradise do I expect?
Can't you see things for real?
You're running away
Again

Icelandic men with lips full open
Surprises that I can sense but not know
No duties for a wandering soul!
Nights of riot and pleasure, days with the Sun
the feeling that I'm on the right road
to a destination of my own

I have no idea where those things are
but it is like an imperative right now
I've got to carry on

You'll go to the trash can!
Because you can't keep up

You'll be trashed, garbage one
You'll be disposed
I don't buy your words
I know men so good after all

So there we go
our broken hearts
we are defective ones
that don't deserve a chance!

I don't want to live my life
on silence
on this dead peace
I want the noise, I need the beat
to make me lose it
with joyful tears
I need the thrill of the ride
I need the riot inside
I need the quiet independence

This beast inside - hungry for fame!
(hungry for something that won't fill her chest
because she's empty and
she only wants to get ahead)
won't get her way - I am not allowing her

in my creation, she's the shade
she ***** the blood out of everyone -
but mostly herself
she's drained, she craves

this beast inside - **** her with kindness
she's only just there - accept her today
she aches, too

Poetry, I feel you, everywhere.
But I am lazy, lately, to write.
I would never force the love we have.
Just wait for me, like no one else will do.
You are patient. You always help.

We watched Ruby Sparks
My whole life flashing in front of my eyes
A quite unstable kind of day

Can you see me
no you can't do because you ain't him
or is it just I don't allow you to peek?

I am Calvin, I am toxic
I am Ruby, I am submissive
I am reduced to you if you don't stop me
I will feed my problems on your image
(Why am I even thinking of you right now
where does it lead?)

But back when we were one
it was the same old brick wall
I can be loved, but I never allow anyone too close
This tangle of thorns I never fully show
because they could get lost and so I would too

This is going to crash
This ****'s sure gonna crash
I don't see anything clear now
My head aches

And you might grow inside of me
even if now it seems the roses will never spring
You planted a seed
but he's a big old oak tree

I feed the monster every day
I have affection and lust for you
but can I stay?

And it's the mood of the day
Thinking of you all the time
Confused, torn between two men
Who'd have known at 13!
(The lonely, virginal girl
who sleeps with demons in her bed)
You're bitter, you're sweet
I certainly don't want you here
But oh, you creep...

You lingered today in my thoughts
Maybe I was broken, and that was all
But same old strong
same old love?

I hold on to you
wish I knew what for
(but there's a truth though)
Wish I understood and unfold
Wish I could do right
My dad's getting angry about some crap
I have a lot in my mind
Not sorry that I am

Scott, ****** torture
Singing on my computer screen
Scott, my only vice
A sweet remembrance of being a teen

In your tight clothes and dapper look
You get my attention pointing at you
You speak to me about my past, the guys I would have banged
I would kiss those lips! Take off that shirt!
Stare at you for hours
it's what I would
Would I? As a teen
I spent my days singing to guys like you
who sing songs like me
That take my anguish and make it pretty
That make me feel less alone in the world
Scott, a photograph from the past
Scott, present right now
Scott, a symbol more than a person
Awakening now with me?
Of all I was, all I am, all I will

Laugh, laugh, laugh.
The only point of this tragedy
is to be laughing at it

One day you are up
next day you're down
no point in crying about it
just laugh on!
with wonder
with acceptance
because this life
is an endless, sometimes sick
joke

laugh
till tears come out of your eyes
till you overwrite
your pain with a smile
and the sad grin is there
but that's another reason to laugh!
the irony of being alive

laugh
because about tomorrow
no one knows much
I might be high
I might be not

We are there
We kiss, we touch, we ****
there's nothing going on with us
this love keeps us going
but it's not enough
but we are motion frozen
frozen in sweet words
there's something
going in our backs
that we know of
even if we don't speak about it
But we'll rub till it bleeds.

Bitter symphony of love gone wrong
of dreams held so long
that started to wither and we acted like
we didn't know

I have been feeling it for months,
all my anxiety and all my deep, unconfessable songs.
My vices of the heart.
That prop me always up.

Something's rotting with us
with you
with me
What are we going to do to save this?

No more chasing each other through telegram
No more quick meetings like we were each other's drug
No more hickeys to hide from Dad
Now it's all painful in a way
it's all dead in a way
maybe it's me dying
with the relationship instead

I was there for a few months.
I saw a light coming on.
But now I don't see us, no.

What are we going to do with this?
This avalanche of feelings and thoughts
it will surely leave a mark
oh no!

Unfaithfulness fills the place
Terrible sweet sin of the human race
The wilderness can't be tamed
Is this why, oh unfaithfulness?
Unfaithfulness - from her you can't run away
Sometimes you're broken,
sometimes you break

It hurts sure it does
But how to run away from shimmering love when it
haphazardly
comes?
How to escape the terrible facts of life
A lesson hard learnt, trapped in a fire!
Unfaithfulness - are you that something?
That will save us by and from drowning
I really hate you, but I need you now
My fears, my desires - you knot them in one

So much because of your ******* sake!
We can't be soldiers to love's name
Polyamorous couples, cuckold ****
Locked up marriages, the following divorce
In betweenness, passage zones
where the devil kisses God

Mikael and Erika
Older men and their young chicas.
Those golden agonic threads that fate knits.
Further than human rules and needs to commit.

Hearts broken, like promises not entirely fake
and not entirely true do
Better not to play the game anymore
But you'll bite the bait, you'll fall
How to avoid love? ****** it and it will grow...
how to avoid
the construct of pain built around the greatest thing we know?
Tear down the wedding bouquets!
Trade 'em for a bed, stained by *** and sweat
Tear down THE PAIN! Tear down all the accesory leading to death!
Let me drown, in the naked essence.

I know he cheats - I cheat on him
because our wounds are deeper and so are our needs
I burn fairy tales,
become a tearful tough *****.
Hard as steel, just getting on with this.
I am no kid. This is the gruesome, ****** price we pay to be here,
people with feelings, drives and ****.
We don't care, but we all ache!
Sometimes you're hitten, sometimes you hit.
Sometimes you die, sometimes you -slowly, unadvertedly-
stick the swords in.

And yet it is small, unimportant
like everything

He broke me whole
put my pieces back in with a blow
He broke me whole
Suddenly I awoke

He broke me whole
showed a side of me I didn't know
Cold winter, the fire has to break out
He put me on the road
but first, he broke me whole

And no I don't thank him for all the **** he's done
And I know well it ain't love
Not even lust!
He broke me whole
the eternal me forming out of the dust

He broke me whole
but ah, I was the bubble to burst
He did nothing at all
I did it all on my own
I broke myself whole
to rearrange my heart
Love always will tear you up
so you can see what's up
Love is like a kick inside
making sense of what never had
Love is speechless. Like heavenly white.
All word-pregnant, no need to pour out.

It didn't work out well
Don't torture yourself, girl
you say

Those kisses that had nothing inside
we were trying hard to be what we were not
those nights that attempted to be beautiful
at the park
your car redeemed us from that fall
but it didn't take long till reality spoke

that separation - all the things I could not tell you
all the poems you did not feel,
your gentleman words hide emptiness sheer
all the things I couldn't understand
that hopelessness I felt
everynight we met
You were also trying
I was trying to forget

So I'm forgiven, and I'm forgotten
and that's the best thing that could have happened

Fill your nothingness inside
with a lot of hearts, a lot of lives
lose your mind
run naked in an open street
before death

Let your hair down
even if you are bald
Live your life to the fullest
even when you're gonna die
Make a journal with experiences
under the sun
under the dark

Wait for your shiny new gun to come
I hope it arrives on time
and it still works fine
My shiny new gun
I will **** them all, too

Shuffling men like one shuffles fate
Really has no type of sense
but a lot of meaning there

She's just a little lost cheater
She gets high on the thrill of the hunt
She's clueless but she conceals it good
as well as she can do

This is an ugly move
This is something not cool
This red thread around my neck
Giving me hope and anxiety and chills
Strangling me with a kiss

I am cheating on you.
Can you say you haven't been there too?
Our million emotional affairs
That dragged down what we felt
This pain...this love so close to death

Truth shines but truth is schizophrenic and elusive like me
I just see omens coming clean, my helplessness cleaning up the mess

And I want none of them.
I could love them - I could learn
But I'd be still who I am
I'd still be myself
With all my stars and all of my hell.
So I would rather learn
the routes of my maps and pathways

You're away so I'm back again

Guys from everywhere
Call out my name
While you're away
What do you do
when I'm not there?

In the bus, in the Internet, in the train
You opened the faucet, my love!
I was out! Now I'm not!
I'm back again!
They are everywhere
Wanting to get to know me well
Wanting to get inside my pants, yeah
To restart the process again...

The world in my hands today
But it's not like it was yesterday
I've been here, I could say
While you're away, I drown my head
in those streets of the world
paved within phones
"I vacuumed out my head
Jumping from bed to bed"
But my name's not Gretel
And I'm waiting for the phone to ring
I want it to be you, but surely it is him

The promise of love again
Can you reach that apple?
Is it too far away?

I live for this. This is my intellectual, vital ******, yes
No shaking but stillness instead...
Complete visions - interconnectedness
everywhere, this bunch of pains acquires some sense!
I live for apparitions, blinding lights, and no turning back points.
I live for fullness, laying in your bed satisfied and knowing.
To know. To uncontrol. To know.

I live to see, to understand, moreover to live.
I started writing again, to wake up from existence's death bed
I live to watch - to witness the gifts of the Earth
running through my wasted veins
I live to see - I live to tell

And the broken vase seems to fit
And suddenly, it could be fixed!
Visions chasing me
that's one of my dreams
Not to know too much, but to feel
to feel the front and back doors of the mind
open wide.

And some visions ache
some visions break
but a vision is always God sent
A vision makes me high
why should I look something else

Bite the hand as soon as you can!
Do not let anything hold you down
Bite the hand feeding you lies
the hand that caressed you when you were a child
but turned oppressive when you grew up
and you became conscious of what the world is like

Do not stay thankful, unable to open your eyes
Bite the hand and join me in the bad daughter band
Bite the hand and be not a respectful one
The heart speaks; it sees for miles
Bite the hand that feeds you psychic death
Be not sorry; we all thrive to be alive

Because dying your hair on Monday morning is good, but
we could have been friends but you didn't want to
Bite the hand, do not hurt sadistically with your sharp teeth
but run away, steadily and clear

Know the enemy
it's you, it's them
It's a fakeness
You can't shake
It's a lack of space
It's being okay
while chronically tired
Tense

He is you
You are him
All of you - concocted here
At least your eyes are pretty

Let's erase all the pseudopoetry
let's stay within reality
(which is true poetry)

Know the enemy
How to defy him?
SO MUCH PAIN!!
Can pills or tea take it away -

Let me rest
in our bubble
and allow no trouble

A bubble is lifting
me and you
above
their stress and their rage
now, we don't really care
the bubble - we are safe

The bubble might be weird
like you and me
but it's home, you see
it's all I really need

The bubble bursts
so the question is
did I cut my nails before?
I hear voices howl yet
a bubble is something to fight for

Our bubble is not made of soap
thin, making your eyes red
it is magic-enhanced glass
it breaks not at none of my blows
thickened with loving use,
like kintsugi cups

can I go to the bubble with you again?
can I never leave the place?