The pen casts a spell
to each of our little pains
Charged with our ache,
distills into peaceful stillness,
a final and blissful end
(Words indeed do save)
Humans saving humans,
this is true heaven, truly being blessed

I starved
hard trying to be someone you are not
but sometimes you just can't stop

The year I disfigured myself
to not forget I was in a deaf kind of pain
misunderstood everywhere
a sickly work of art I became
didn't die but of course I did implode

I starved for months
watching myself be destroyed
**** for the soul, going way too far
and yet I could see a dim light...

Getting thinner and thinner
and knowing it's mad but
no one seems to be hearing
I guess
Just one of my weird antics
of the way I once used to be

My beautiful broken girl!
Against all of these *******,
you don't know but you know
their names
My thin, hungry piece of art
You are pretty despite
the cracks that let out
your inner river of light
An Amy Winehouse that survives
you are

Regain your flesh,
but not their common sense
never be like them
Destroy the uptight place that made you fall
My beautiful broken girl! My thin piece of art!

The waves roll, this I know
And it can’t be a sweeping feeling
every single day of the month, and
you’re away, but you’re close.
Life is not an endless amusement ride
but I need a tiny part of the rainbow we make
the minor waves are part of the sea the same
Still a voice in me yells:
Love me, love me everyday!

Do you, babe?

Sitting in a bus, yet watching the trees, feeling the breeze
holding a phone in my hand - thinking about your smile
the noise of the motor was lulling me, like a bird would
it became part of the scene, nature by repetitive use
Technology - that weird, disconnected craft
(it also comes from our hands)
Making us lose touch, miss the beat of the eternal drum
but is it like that?

My dreams are not filled with mobile phones
but while I am awake, they help me cope
It won't save you but indeed it'll help
it's more like a prop on stage, something taking us there
like a train to meet your lover when he's not near,
like a CD to hear music that'll make you feel,
yet it is only a brazen thread,
beautiful only in the measure
that is human-made.

Connect with the Universe in strange new ways
Do not stray - hold her metallic, heavy hand
Follow the Earth - but please do take this chance
From nature you can't hide - not even with a device
Crazy how this little appendix brings me closer
by pulling a bit further

My short skirt - not asking for it!
My lips in ***** red - not asking for it!
It was a hot day and I took off my clothes so I could breathe
but other times, I am hot and then
I need what I need...
(hard, throbbing, in me)

My ******* - not asking for it!
The way I walk along the street - not asking for it!
Except when I do...
and then,
you better feel me,
you better do me, boo.

I follow no line
only mine
as crazy and twisted
for your eyes
as it is,
as freeing and exhilarating
as it feels

Radical lover
Radical little one
that's me
and that's my revolution
that's my solution
My fierceness comes from
a total sweetness, a gentle core
I am my own creation, and God's

I am many things at the same time
They don't clash; they hold hands
I am a ball of contradictions
fitting and looking at each other with
eyes amazed
it all makes perfect sense

You don't understand me
I don't care
You will some day
or you won't, but I'll be
smiling
the same
riot to keep laughing
laugh to keep rioting

I know you love me, and it's all love
But I had to rip this umbilical cord
it got around my neck
I was about to choke

One of the circumstances that make you be who you are,
or is it rather
the circumstances were because of who I am?

I know you love me, can't say I don't
but it intoxicates, bye dear, I had to wave
In our distance, we became close
There are oceans between us,
and the ocean is pretty to watch
we look so nice in our worlds...
my world feels like it can breathe on its own
only intersecting in times odd
I love you, but we have to coexist
never to share our cores

Yet your umbilical cord
will buy me the freedom I need,
not want.
Your umbilical cord, will serve a purpose

Today - there are clouds
intermitently, bringing me down
but I hear a song in my head...
and music heals the devil's threat

Did I work my way to hear
-am I to be congratulated-
or did she come to me?
I don't care - I just believe

I just wait, I just wipe out
the dirt from my pink shades
Perfect's close, I said
"And it's thanks to days like these
you learn to appreciate things"

But:
Oh! I still need the perfect
that comes anytime my way
the Sun rays blinding sight of anything else!
I am still a sucker for rainbows
shooting star
northern, all kinds of light
I live for them, for them I am alive.
Give me the quiet ecstasy
morning after, moon above
-another kind of light, for love-
(not far from your arms)
Give me the glitter, the gleam, the shine
spilling out, spilling into my insides.

The Sun calls me, no cease, I can't say no
the clouds, you know, they'll fade and die out.
Speak up, for sound makes the devil drown.

"Your eviscerating, loving stare"...
and I can feel something tear -
it's my certainty,
it's my reality,
(the very things I see
they clash with thee!)

You are good, but you are a threat!
You cut me - and you want to help
My eyeballs possessed by your mental state!
It's a outside voice inside my head
For years, for years - trying to break free
I had your ugly eyes
fixed over mine!
I always knew they weren't right but
for a second they got attached -

The eyes of the world - so unknown
your eyes tend to interpret what they don't know
Their eyes - always hurt a lot
because they're yours, and they also rot!
Rot my heart and my thoughts

But you are good, you are there too
how can love make you feel so low?
I guess it's something no one wants to know
I just can't let you swap my soul at all
for yours, or let you set my rights and wrongs.
Peace is this.

Jorge
now we are there
Jorge
how hungry I was then!
Your sweet veiny arms
those wandering brown eyes
those brains, I wanted to drown
in them
your depth, that ****** depth!
You ****** me in because
I wanted to be you, not yours

And now, in fact,
I am not yours at all
because I am a woman of my own
You were beautiful, though.
I always fell for beauty, you know

I am on display and I'm exposed
because I wanted it so!
I can't hide, and I don't want to
I am naked in front of everyone
it feels good, so what?
I do it out of thrills, out of feels
so scary but I can't let go of this

(A veil on my face
so I can show myself
no fear today)

I am exposed and I planned it before
But in the end - I rushed to the door
feverish, eager, can't wait to show my bones
I blurted it out as I wrote it up
I put my truest, bestest face
I arranged my guts so you can connect

Watch me, watch me do this.
I can look at it in the eyes
because it's alive but gone away
at the same time

Art saved me
from an early death
Art spared, eased the hell

the flame led me here
here I am, another product
on the list
but my flame better be fierce
she doesn't care about my bills

Don't fade away
Or get lost in everyday's stupid pains
You were made to stay.
Through the turbulences and in the waves,
who you are will remain
I know how it is
I know how sour it feels
don't fade away, like a ill found song
it comes to me

Keep a piece of yourself
Don't lose that tiny essential flame.
Design who you are to fit better your fate.
Create, with God's help, every new day...
Alchemy of your guts - keep your options awake
Best art you'll make - making it today
You need your eyes - it's the only flashlight
you can ever trust
Your home is the world.
The world is your home.

To carry on in the day;
yearning for the night
like a child I wait, we wait,
for everything to fit in, come right
a beautiful bow ribbon
on the gifts of today
we were given this, nothing more,
nothing less, nothing else.

And I write just to stay alive
It's not false, but nothing like
that ******* light
sometimes it dawns on me
sometimes I dawn on it
oh God, won't close my eyes
I waited
unconsciously - while I just am.

Life rolls on like waves
too peaceful, lull me, babe
I will put down the pen
I will write with stardust,
over my days

You are moving in circles demented and small
You can witness the shore, but you never go
You get lost but you can see your home
there's a way out
because you are not fully gone

Courtney Olanzapine
***** me under
but it's not her
it's my problems

I created her, but she's me
How many years
to arrive at that sweet beach

She's real, she's real
but not as much as I can be...
She threatens - oh wait is it me?
I fill my empty holes with her works
something's amiss
works that should be mine though
She's me, I am her, I totally am not -

Identities dancing around now
only one woman to sustain them all
I will remain, I will prevail...
Subtle mind games
Yet you are the only one to blame!
She has some power I can't handle well -

Under a sweet veil
to show my soul
not to get lost
in the same maze I already know

So take all my alter egos and make them mere names
Yet they push me, take me places...
Courtney Olanzapine - you're as old as it gets
at least, as old as my age
you don't exist, you aren't real
I am you - you are I - it's up to me
Keep my feet on the ground
and my head in those dreamy ***** clouds

She's beautiful
made of scraps and pieces
behind the veil of the net
can you feel
her frozen breath?
She's so here because she's not there
She's not real - but yearns to be!
So filled to the brim with empty feels

Through the cracks of her life
something pours!
What's keeping her down - what makes her come out

Tumblerette - that's her
I am back, will you **** me under
again?
Is there a superforce watching
over my webpage?
I feel the pull of the past,
the pull of life
this is a different ride,
I could swear

She's coming to life
she dies, she dies, she dies!
This was beautiful
but it wasn't real...
yet there is no beauty
that completely misses it

Growing up, growing out
is so hard
because you have to break down
the *** where you grew up
the *** you were placed on
A bonsai that might end up on the psychiatric ward
feeble, lost, not knowing her true call:
A big tree that they try to contain,
not aware of the harm
But life always wins, if you just let it come
(I am beautified, the sea flowers on my crotch)

What feeds me is death to your eyes
But my diet makes me gleam and shine
Can I put up? Can you take that?
Can we coexist? Do you see my branches
big, healthy, beaming with the Sun's fire?
My private glow, you can only see the rays
but it's enough for me, I want nothing else.

It happened once
so it can happen twice
If you could reach the sky,
it can happen again, no doubt
you can

Yeah, you failed once
and it could also happen twice.
But after you fell, twice, too,
you will rise again.

I am reaping
maybe harvesting
who knows
but it's bitter
to think I won't sow anymore!
that I won't reap anymore -

There is joy everywhere
if you forget
The magic of the process
the magic to become
if you know how
there's always seeds to sow
don't **** the seeds,
baby, stay alive
Do what it takes
to keep the flame bright
everything will be
fine!

New ******* the rise
it's the same old but without the bind
Today things went my way: I did not break
I could handle the whole, and the whole was okay.
I smiled the whole day.

I am a woman fracturing her shell
this is something no one did expect
at some point, not even myself
But here I am
Wave goodbye the tears. I've been through this.
The gate opens. I want to take the lead.
It's coming closer, I just can't turn and leave
I won't turn and leave.

You said to me:
The better version of you does not cry every night.
I say: I am deep, I am strong, I am fine! I can!
The better version of you looks into the Sun
and does not go blind! The mist does not blur your eyes!
It's not beauty and it's not true or any good
to dwell on the grim parts, to hold on languidly,
rabidly
to gloom

What's the secret, you'll say?
No secret, shh, it's as easy as it gets
but it can't be spoken, it gets lost
Shh! Tell no one.

Tell me what went wrong last night
All my pain resurfaces and I can't hide
A billow of trouble surging from my insides

It began slowly, last day
With the feeling again
you would not pay attention to what I said

It got bigger, later on
when I met my dear but troubling friends
it all went slowly more wrong

It got more and more swollen, everytime
Their lives are so much better than mine
They don't know the joy, they don't know the fight
I watch the place I inhabit and I swear
it's ******* bleak! Everything uncertain,
everything unclear
Their eyes wound me, seeing myself through these
I can't tell you about the things I've outlived
the things I've seen, and yet to see!
because:
This is my life
a journey, a struggle
ecstasy,
vital fluid
pills and thrills,
mad smiles
do you wanna ride?

And I hear a command:
To myself I have to stay true
Assert myself despite you
I am worthy, I am good!

Came home crying, feeling so torn
everything in me felt dead and gone
I saw the Sun hide last night
But next morning, it was right back.

Why can't I just buy the idea
that you love me back?
Why so much hassle for that magnificent fact?
Always seeing some tiny speck
of dirt in the picture
always something spoiling the fun
Why can't I surrender
for once and forever?
I love you - why always a hint of a shade?
You love me - why so unable to accept?

You make me feel whole - nothing left to add,
nothing left to say

A smile
she shows her teeth shy
Now I do bite
Now I feel, now I am alive!

All I can say is: okay, it's okay,
I have nothing else to say
but this fullness of existence
And somehow, I am not in the least afraid
sometimes, I can't even feel the pain
the world is sure an ugly place
but look at the Sun
look at the sky, look at the plants,
take a hard look! look at people's faces
a world like this, can't be doomed to exist
the world is sure a disgusting place
but I can't really see it today
I'm too mesmerized
by the music playing everywhere
everything holds wholeness
everything is complete
I am, at least
and I am the Universe
today I feel at ease
it's so easy filling a modern girl, I guess
just give her love, give her art, give her ***

I feel satisfied
nothing could get me as high
this peace, this certainty
everything's gonna turn alright...
everything already is fine...

Your jacket
Is so big and warm
It makes me so bold
So calm

Your jacket – my jacket now!
I carry it everywhere I go
A little piece of home

It makes me feel queen
not because it's yours
or mine, but
because we made it

It fits me so well
In a weird, uncommon way
It makes them stare
It makes me bloom instead

Some people frown on my jacket
Because it’s too much for them
I have to look other way,
Never get caught in their jails!

My friends agree: we can’t understand
Fully all of this
But we do see your glee
How you beam when he appears
In your phone screen

And this jacket is somehow my life
Because it makes me feel so nice!
I got used to its comfy touch
Now I can’t just live without!

I pull it out the closet
The power overflows.
It’s a tiny token
That brings me back
To our love

There are tears breeding from your glee
A rejoicing so big it will get you ripped
and take you away, funnily, from that same fit
Bitterness as a note in your lollipop
Joy overload: you burst you blow.

There is a dark shade stemming from your best days
So much love, and hope, it will explode
There is fear it might be lost!
So much happiness, it overflows, it outgrows
and does a crazy turn

Hearts and *****
Pink so punk
Strawberry Sweetcake
but so high, so drunk!
*** and candy
Raunchy fancy
I'm a star, I'm a *****
I am something you fear
I shine - but you don't want to see

I want it all in my bag!
and in fact, I can!
Don't tell me I can't be what I want
I can be all I need

I can't put it into words
so I buy clothes
I need no speech
me as me

menhera kawaii ****** **** chick
punk kinderwhore emo with *******
I play with everything!
I know who I am
his ***** dream
and I'm loving every minute of it...
my own woman giving in to nothing
but me and my dreams
living in the clouds, writing my stuff
look at me, you don't understand what you see
do you think I care? less than you think

My friends say "this is your place"
it's like I was born remotely
I feel at ease, strangely, here

Holding you, Amy, I feel you close in the air
like you were the only one who understands
all the pain
I'm going through these days
all my tricks, my tears, my men
yet you stay beautiful in your hell
it's an art - we know it well

In Camden everything fits
these colourful expensive shoes
art bursting in any available inch
the everlasting rain, watches the scene

London! I need to drown in you again
I washed myself in the Thames
London! You are not my hometown
but you left a sweet dent in my heart

To meet you at a different time
To make it sweeter than last
not running away anymore
living in the home of love

The light of day today
is so heavy and dream-like
Makes me feel hazy,
sweetly lazy
has a weird effect in me
It makes me feel good and wrong
funny ways that I've got

It speaks about you and me
hidden in a room, naked, nothing at all
but us. And I want to be there, I do.
Watching the world drip, in our burning embrace.
The rain washes my pain away.

It speaks about the despair I felt at 15
or maybe before even
and how the rain lifted the weight
with its oppressive pretty greys
The rain washes my pain away.

The rain lulls me into your arms
it promises a Sun.
The rain pushes me places
everything I am
or everything I've been?

My whole life is to be dissapproved
by you; or rather, misunderstood
I am a black sheep; but I'd rather be pink

It began at 11 with my friends and my silence
and the very little I said, you were unable to interpret
it began with coming home crying on the bus
it began with fears you could not handle
it began with me seeing the world further

it continued with me sleeping late
with my songs that spoke of a pain
whose source you could not trace
it continued with me loving girls
it continued with being a Courtney Love fan
it continued with a bad romance with an older man
it continued with me completely going nuts
and i wanted to stay with you, because you were all I knew
but your evenings at Vips were slowly killing me
I could not see. I could not see

and it goes on and on
and it doesn't hurt anymore
because I'm 27 and grew strong
but it carries on, when you don't love who I love
when my style strikes you as pedophilic flair
when you hint me a ***** - and say I don't act my age
And it's our contract; we love each other
even if we never meet each other's eye
And I've been walking long for now
and I know better:
it's my fate. I can pretty much take.
One has to fight for his art. What if your art
is your life?

In this terrible weather
where nothing ever happens
so uncomfortable,
so unreal, so blue
still, I saw the flowers bloom

Because you can't gag or bind
the force inside

Weirdest summer ever
but still we dare to walk
Scared at first, kept in our house
tears and cravings
over the Sun left outside
furious *******
we have to stay alive!
Thank God, thank God
We'll seize the day, and the nights
We'll outdo survival, turn it into little magic
to cope
not to die

The Sun approves.
It always does.

I see the children walk from school
I watch the people eat their food
and a hint of poignant - when watching
all the hustle, all the natural and good
It's the earthly order and power in chaos
It's our silent scream towards adversity
our ******* to paralysis,
the idea that nothing will make us stop
"we refuse, in fact, we can't give up"

And you say that it's affecting you
and we all are under the weather now
we can't give in, though

This is survival
and it's ugly as ****
but it's a scar we can learn to dignify
so kiss me, touch me, **** me
in those strange times

Sometimes a question lays open
(it happened to me for days)
It came out of nowhere.
And the answer you crave. It takes up space.

The answer is there all the time.
So stop looking for it every elsewhere.

The answer is blank – a kaleidoscope
it is nothing and it contains it all
and it screams at you:

Stop, stop, stop obsessing about things!
Enjoy the kiss and do not wonder what it means
Because you know, if you dare not
To ask and just hear the answer
Straight from his lips

Speechless
but more than okay
who cares about
the small things that worried me
yesterday

Pulling out the weeds
from my brain
I tried to keep the garden clean
and it got crowded with ****

Erasing the doubt
the guessing, the mind game,
the self-inflicted pain
Replacing it
with the ever answer
love
and the flow from which everything good comes

Life is easy - when you have no clue
when you are guided by the eternal flux
(A lifetime of words to catch what's further
this contradiction is no exception)

Engrave this on your skin,
Your insides
And everywhere you need,
keep it with you, never forget this:
Love is not anxious.
Love wins.

Love is not that anxiety,
That tight chest, that maddened thought
Emotional nightmares
and much much worse
That bitter breeding brooding thing
That you need to **** but first it has to sting

Love
It's joy and peace
It is waking up with a smile
in your lips

Love waits because he’s sure he’s there
He is so undeniable he needs nothing else
Love is not sickly, love does not ache
Love – the balm for everyday

Love is our eyes. Our hands. This happiness
Filling me from inside.

Love is not a competition,
Love does not keep track of the blame,
because love simply knows no stress.
Love is effortless care.
Do not ask for more. Do not ask for less.
Love is always there.

And I’ve got this thing inside
That tells me “look at the other side”
Look at his faults, fill my head with doubt
and like a sudden sky to a sudden blizzard
when the vision comes, it all clears up

Love is those jeans
that fit you perfect, at home,
when no one sees,
but you're at your most.
Love goes beyond all you are supposed
to know

Love does not obsess. Yet it does not stop me
because I can't help
Thinking about you, wondering when
We’ll be close
Again
And that’s not a sin. That’s not a fail.

There is an anxiety growing from a rose
A turbulent move in the clear waters of love
A potential river of tears sprawling from spring
A rose that withers with excitement and wish
Love won’t **** her; but love’s dregs will
A rose with thorns. A rose like you and me.
You can’t pluck out the thorns. You just have to kiss the rose,
All care, no gloves
The thorns will dissappear
With all care, all love

Temporary - like a tattoo at the pool
in the heat, wet from your bath
this too shall pass,
but do things die?

Temporary - the pain
temporary - the Sun's rays
they will hide away
only to come back again
both the peaks and the rock bottoms
will dissolve, will end

Are they real? What is real?
temporality should be your glee
take it easy, take it light
you'll prevail

Temporary - this feeling of despair
Temporary - because it does not stay
Temporary - this **** that I can't take
Temporary - no more, no less
"what did you expect?"

Everything's temporary
like lost heartbeats that add up
to the melody
like footnotes that carry all the meaning
everything's ephemeral, but...

ah...

in the amidst of time
something sticks out
wait a minute
maybe death isn't real
maybe this is for keeps
and eternity is not a full fib
maybe I will exist
if I forget while I hold
my temporality

The now is all I have
but still I feel starved
I can't wait for **** to happen
I can't wait for us

But the now is all I have
Can't move from what's real
Make my way in this land
while I get what I need

Sometimes the days just roll over like waves!
Calm, carefree,  but secretly connected
Filled with hope, with a quiet trust
Sometimes life treats you well
Better not to ask and better not to care much

And here comes the pain!
The turbulence and violent rain
A rain that does not wash but stain
But...
The waves, washed it away.

The sunny days!
It is just a moment that lasts forever
The occasional turbulence can't wear it out
The hundred accidents that disturb
My ocean's peace
Can't really break what we built
Can't really take away what's within.

she's a slave not a goddess
yet she has the power to imprison power
she can't hear the great tune
she says everything is for my good
but she's alien to the vital flood

She's a slave, I said!
all the time bickering, struggling, rowing,
doubting, checking, getting nothing for it
missing the beat
never being finally free

she's in guard for me
like Cerberus kept the gates of hell
she brings nothing worth to keep
I know deep down she's sick

I need a defense! But I don't need a eyeless
slave to save my day

I am a goddess - and I need no slaves
she's blind but never mute! She shouts
and always blows a fuse!
She spills, she cries, drags me to the sty
heaven's below my feet, but she insists in doing right

She says "I am a feminist, I will save your soul"
but she never makes me whole!
she's a true scam of a thought

This slave lives within me
I need to keep her down -
but how?
Give her love
that shuts every mouth

God is giving me some help
God is throwing me a thread
a rope for me to catch
a safe haven to have

I can't really take this
It's draining me! because
I am energy about to burst
All over your body, in pure lust

And I am so afraid, can you feel my pain?
This pent up joy, this pent up crave
I'm so bottled up in desire,
it's driving me nuts
not having you on my bed side

My flat - the place to come alive
I'm too caught up in my own desire
Tell me what's going on in your mind
Tell me all; for it feels like I die

I just want to come, come, come
in your arms!
I miss it so much
But God's throwing light my way
I can't wait; I can't wait

There she goes, the innocent *****
watch her in her short skirt own the world

Wide and clear eyed
Confused, but willing to enjoy the ride
She's a mastermind but she doesn't know
She just goes with the flow

She's the innocent *****
And she's gonna eat you all
because
she's the purest form

"Don't call me a ****
don't put me in your ****** box.
Oh wait, I don't give a ****!"

Here's to everything she can be
Here's to the magic it brings
Let her in
I did

I've been a bad, bad girlfriend
I've sinned, I confess
I went a bit too crazy, it stopped being fun
and started being hell
(for you, and also for myself)
But I can't wait to be with you again
be redeemed in your embrace

I ran around and wreaked havoc
Because I was feeling so tense and unwell
Cried with the matches on my hand,
did and said stuff I regret.
No justifications for my deviations
what I did is not okay
there's no beauty in that
and you can shove it up your ***

And I will manage my difficulties this time
those I give myself so well.
And I tell myself, not to do this any of this
anymore, never again

It didn't work out well
Don't torture yourself, girl
you say

Those kisses that had nothing inside
we were trying hard to be what we were not
those nights that attempted to be beautiful
at the park
your car redeemed us from that fall
but it didn't take long till reality spoke

that separation - all the things I could not tell you
all the poems you did not feel,
your gentleman words hide emptiness sheer
all the things I couldn't understand
that hopelessness I felt
everynight we met
You were also trying
I was trying to forget

So I'm forgiven, and I'm forgotten
and that's the best thing that could have happened

I still wonder how I did it
how could I ever survive?
How did I manage to keep a smile
every day of that tough summer ride

How could I put up not with one,
but two men at the same time?
How could I confess my soul to my friends,
write poems, not get trapped?
How could I distill so much from...so much?

I guess it was my furiously ***** hand
every night
how did I cope with all of that?
how did I ever accomplish that task?

I guess that strength lives still inside
I should never forget that

And I was terribly broken hearted
Emptied of what I love the most
So I rushed to write you a message
always at my whims! poor one!
a tool of God

"I should have loved you the way you deserve"
but what filled us was his absence
the mere reason we existed was to obliterate
my fate, as tragic and gleeful as it gets
love, that liberating chain around your neck
your life, your death

My memories crowd me and invade me
I wish I never talked to you again
This is not your place! And you don't know
that night I came
I bit my lip not to scream his name

Vicariously happy memories
because of what we could have been
were you not you and were I not me
but sweet reality always wins
a dream that's slowly choking me

Weren't it for you,
I could have never known like I do
Tool of God, sad sacrifice of love

I will give you back your books one day
This is the kiss I never gave you
the kiss you'll never get

I loved you like a refugee
I loved you because you were there
to cauterize the pain

Now I'm forgiven, I'm delivered
and I can go around with him
I hope you find her really soon dear
you deserve her, like a million
yeah that's the way it is
because it simply won't be me.

I see a sea of love
this time don't want to let it go
All the days were golden
or at least they weren't as I thought them

I see it clear at last
please don't give up
on this crazy lass
that loves you so much

Please hear me sing
hear me moan your name
hear me something
don't run away

I see a sea of love
that was always there for me
you were truth 24/7
and I was stuck on wrong narratives
And it fits, so it must be real

I'm coming from Pain Lane
a nasty place to stay
but I am bringing back a sack
with the things I could take
so you don't need to go there

I bring beautiful words
I bring an intense sketch
I bring my best! you could say
It's been hell but all you see
is the beauty that I shed

In Pain Lane there's nothing to do
but desperation all the time
but in the space between aching hours
a piece of what you need you find

Dark night of the soul
brings light forward

I'm coming from Pain Lane
it's the price to pay
it's God's payback for the sufferment
that I underwent

and the Sun it shines bright
and you say to yourself,
"Oh, hell, I've been to Pain Lane".
And you should never forget

And I'd lie if I said I'm not afraid
but I found myself in love so
what could I do, then?

And I'd lie if I said I do like things this way
but it's my life, **** it, and it's not gonna change

And I'd lie if I said I do not get your stance
but have you ever tried to see mine for yourself once?

I see the other side
I see the grass
and it's not greener, just not what you said it was

A virus infected our home already
in the shape of your paranoia
and my thirst to run steady
this place is hell,
but as fast as I can I'll run away

My ****** side never went fully away
Now I am at peace with myself, yet
It keeps me away from potential threats:
that world you inhabit that I never get

All my dissatisfaction distilled through you
all my bitterness taking unexpected shape
it's not real, it's a figment of my bad ways
although reality is hard to explain]

I close myself inside my shell all too well
Dying to open up but I fail
They lack something I crave
Red flag - my love is the one I can take!

And I say, I need my aliens with me
where do they live?
Maybe we were knitted by chance
and 10 years you can't just overlook
and now I don't merely exist
so our relationship shifts

I am not who I was
Now I've got a true human form
and alien weapons to knock you down
I am a weird creation, I know
Patchwork girl in the prowl

I am shutting all the windows - opening the door
I wish someone came say hello
but I feel good in my very own road
I am settling down - it is dangerous as ****
but no other way but carrying on