I Had A substitute.
Who I fired Due To Miss Use.
She began Tricking me.
Her Slow Moves Made me
Start Repeating.
The deal Was To heal bad feels.
To Cure my temptation From the other feel.
A good strategy My Addictive mind Put together .
A short Unoticable High.
Although it Was Low potent & expensive. It Worked Perfect.
I Then started Using For no reason. Just to feel the short feeling.
I spent So quickly.
I became angry.
How did I not notice I was building an addiction.
Worse, on something So weak.
That's When I Stoped.
I couldn't go on.
I Deleted And Blocked.
The supplier to this Worthless drug.
I never Liked it. I always hated this. But for The means to Avoid life a few seconds, I Used it.

Temptation Got To me.
2 try's, within 2weeks
was Good For 2 Straight Years.
******, My Habits Humming.
I know Better, Iknew Better.
I believed I was strong for just one.
Addictions Got me, I have to run.
She's so Happy, that she got me.
I've been fighting and Tackling
My addictive mind Since that time.

I will continue To hold back temptations .
I can't relapse Again.
I got Away with it Today.
Next time I might not have the same luck. It's tough.
Getting high trying not to get caught. It's a ****.
Feeling Paranoid making Sure You are not being noticed and Avoiding everyone.

I Relapsed & Now I'm worried.
Will I Go back to my old ways?
As much as I desire The Feeling of escaping my reality,
I can't live Like that. I don't want to be a drug addict all over again.
The Feeling Is pleasant . The Living of being 1 Is Horrific.

It Does Not Make me Happy.
It Numbs me completely.
It Helps me Avoid Situations I Don't Want to deal With.
It Turns me Careless & heartless.
It Cures My
Heartbreaks And loneliness .
It's A very sad thing.
to Not be Able To Feel Anything.
To Turn To Something So deadly that's Ruining Your life and Making Things worse.
Instead of Having the Strenghth To Reslove it Sober and still find and feel real happiness.

I'm Feeling confident.
I'm feeling Brave.
For the Wrong Decision.
I'm Giving In And I feel the Dare Stronger.
How much longer?
To Be happy and Sober?
Im Wanting What's Faster.
Misery and Methamphetamine is The correct answer.

I Can Hear Her calling.
She Senses My unhappiness.
She can feel My Misery.
She Used To Come Right over. Now, She doesn't have the power.
What she does is try to convince me From a distance.
She tells me Amazing Things.
She Reminds me of the good times We had and how good it felt.
Her words are powerful.
The more I listen, closer she gets.
Although She's very lovable And The bestest Friend you can have .
She's extremely evil.
She Slowly Tricks me into Letting her get closer To me.
I Now have control over that.
Back then i didn't.
As Soon as she called, I followed.
I Worked so hard to Not Be Able To Say yes And Hold back from playing with her Now.
But lately....
She's been Coming around more frequently . She tells me Everything I want to hear and It's becoming harder for me to Not listen. She's very smart .
For That reason, I'm worried.
I feel So unsure.
Do I relapse Or do I let it go ?
I've been Clean for 2yrs.
I did it on my own. Thankfully.
She Asks me If I'm sober, Then why am I still unhappy?
she Tells Me What's The point of being Sober And yet still sad ?
She reminds Me of the Satisfying feelings She Provides.
She Tells me "Why be Unhappy and Sober. When You can be Unhappy but feel amazing"
I have been feeling So tempted Lately. These arguments With my Bf Are Making me want to give up. they are giving me strong temptations. I can feel My Mind Weaken ..

I Made it 2 Years Sober.
That's A miracle And such A blessing. I Did it on my own.
I managed To Fight Temptations.
I was able to control My Self.
I Can't believe it... I Never thought I'd actually Complete it.
Never seen myself Actually accomplish.
Sobriety, such a beautiful Thing.
I was Scared To Get Sober.
Now I'm Scared To use.
How Crazy is That?
Never once in my life did I See myself Stop. The plan Was To O.D And Happily die High.

I'm Wishful
But All The Wishs I've Been Wishing for Seem Sinful.
What is There To Smile For?
All Good Is Hard To Reach
And All Bad is Easy, No Hard Work.
Lately I've Been Walking Near A Familiar Path.
I'm Feeling Suicidal & That's That.
Hopelessness
All Day Feeling everyday experiencing.
I'm Just so Fed Up
Sick & Tired
Of How My Mind Acts.