I had a dream
and in the dream I was suddenly
given the first line of a song
and from that I quickly had a 2nd and 3rd
and beginnings of a 4th line
in the dream I woke up in a 2nd dream
and found a pen and an envelope from an insurance ad
I began writing around the doodlings already on the envelope
I could only remember the first line clearly
within the 2nd dream I was fighting hard to recall the 2nd, 3rd and
4th lines of the song from the 1st dream. I had finally finished the 1st stanza, and was trying to piece together what I had sloppily written around the account numbers, grocery list and additional notes I had written on this envelope when I was fully awake
this is when I woke up from dream 2 and began looking for a pen and paper
to write down exactly what occurred in these dreams
before it was gone...like the song

Drowning in pools of despair
That are almost ankle deep,
The uncaring who go stomping by
Keep splashing me with sadness
Mud that dries and bleaches out my tan.

Wallowing in bathtubs of self pity
I have no one to help me get
The temperature just right
And pour a few more bubbles in
With a towel held at the ready.

Gazing into mirrors of self doubt,
I see I’m not the first in line
For anything but second place-
And I was promised more than that
By the Prince on his white Stallion.

Hiding in the shadows of Narcissus,
I refuse to share my grief
With those unworthy to take part
In my universe destroying angst.
They only want to drag me to the exit.

I will not be moved by them.
I dug this cave with my own hands,
And I will not be forced to leave it
For some flimsy happiness
That won’t last past my lifetime.

What would I be if you took away
My special brand of ennui.
I’d be just another smiley face
In a world that’s overrun with them
And that I could not bear.

So go away - don’t splash the mud.
I’ll get my towel myself.
I’ll find a way to lose the race
And become a worldwide icon
As the Queen of Molehill Mountain.
ljm

only a ******* man could love a ******* poodle

everybody knows poodle one of the smartest breeds,
not exactly a manly man's dog, but great to have around to feed,
feed you, when alone, and you need a good conversation

had me a good woman

she would say:
"hon, kindly fetch me this and that,"

**** dog would get her whatever she wanted,
me, didn't mind at all, loved taking care of her,
but the dog loved her more and be there and back
before I could jack my feet off the couch

she would say:
"hon,  come near, give me a
nuzzle and a kiss, a  cuddle and a lick"

**** dog, double quick, cause it spoke better human than most,
was in her lap burying her laughing with affection infectious,
before I could jack my feet off the couch

she would say:
"honey love, meet me bed upstairs,
love me sweet and complete,
when done, please love me
over again twice as nice"

**** dog hearing the sacred holy word *bed
was up there in a flash, howling "what's taking youse guys so long,"
tail impatient drumming up a rock n' roll storm,
while we slow pokey, taking our own sweetest time,
humans messing around first with a little downtown downstairs,
prefatory, preparatory work,
both our feet lazy still on the couch kissing the cold away

when we got to our destiny destination, had to kick that
**** ******* foggy doggy outside, close the door,
say no more, **** dog did whine and cry like a baby chile,
till we couldn't take it no more and let that **** dog in

she would say:
"lover man, I love you better than twice I thought I could
ever love another, cause you two idiots two-gether make me
sweeter and completer than I ever knew I could be happier"

like I said, only a ******* man could love a ******** poodle

you bring to me
your offering
of  love

you place it gently
upon my sleeping breast

and the retreat
to the chair in the corner

and sit, content
to wait til I awake

you watch me
with eyes
full of  adoration

hoping your token
will be sufficient
and bring praise

i awake....to find
a dead mouse
on my chest

in shock
i scream
long and loud
i do confess

you are confused
this is you best
you bring to me

and i yowled  at it

you slink away
thinking these
human things
are difficult
to please

next time
i must bring
a baby rabbit
back to the nest

ABSENCE, hear thou my protestation
    Against thy strength,
    Distance, and length;
Do what thou canst for alteration:
  For hearts of truest mettle         
  Absence doth join, and Time doth settle*


While she sits in her chair
vaguely following the conversation
she also drifts away in time and inclination
to care for the important things we discuss
in many ways she is beyond those cares
her decision has been made
and we but sound and fury
isee she is now more complete
and composed than of recent days
for her there is hope in the path she takes

i cannot begrudge her the choice she has made
as she said her age and medical disposition
means she is already walking that road.

but as daughters do I peer forward even now
and feel the lack of her grace in daily events
Even today as we make plans, her abscence
whilst still being here is a vast gap of darkness
that we all avoid with plattitudes and brightness

In our private hearts we do rail against the
happenstance injustice that befalls the matriarch
we struggle with the alteration to the long march home
we come together to watch as we fall apart in small
and large measures...

In our minds we pledge the best,
in our hearts we pray for speed
We know she has forever etched
herself into our bones and being
but we quietly sorrow at her growing
absence...apart from her memories
and leavingd


 *His mind hath found
    Affection’s ground
Beyond time, place, and all mortality.         
  To hearts that cannot vary
  Absence is present.

There is a dark place you will go,
a place where we've all been
at one time
or another.
A place where clichés come true,
where nightmares turn to reality,
a place where your worst fears,
your deepest insecurities,
will tower above you.
It is a place you will visit
when you have been drained
emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally,
but must keep moving forward.
A place that does not discriminate
for anyone,
a place that is the great equalizer.
You will not be able to breathe.
Your lungs will be filled with soot,
your eyes will be branded in fire,
your mind will be captive,
you will want to quit.
You may even want to die.

But this place holds a secret.

You will fall to your knees
on tough soil and gravel,
blind,
and you will cry, you will scream.
The air will be as fire,
and your skin will be as ice.
But you will dig.

You will blindly ****** your fingers into the cold Earth,
you will search for a way out,
you will rip and bleed and tear,
and you will convince yourself
it is futile.
But you will not stop.

You will keep fighting.

This place holds a secret.
This place holds an opportunity -
an opportunity for growth.

And, yes, you will grow.