As I lay my head on this comfortable pillow, seemed like I have been here before
Familiar feeling as insomnia struck
I toss and turn, all thoughts and feelings overwhelm me
I had my dreams and hopes tossed and turned before, they never stood a chance in a long shot
I had my love lost, gone, and I’m still here waiting for it to return
I’ve stood and watched things for too long, when will it ever be my turn
I’m here dreaming of how my momma used to tell me “do good unto others so that they can do good unto you in return”
What I didn’t know is that the world play by no rules, abide by no laws
Left me hanging, hoping, waiting upon the world to return the favour
Reality struck, as I raise my head
“This is my time”, as I tell myself
Chest out, chin up, I beat my chest as sense of pride, sense of confidence
Time I overcome
Oh yes I’m doing no one no more favours
Time to look out for number one
I’ve trusted the world before and it spat right back at my face
Higher and higher I’m moving, climbing the tallest of ladders
Suddenly I’m at the peak
Yes, I am a leader, a role model
Momma would be so proud
Wait, all this coming true very soon
As I look down the ladder where I passed
I made no new friends, no new relationships
Yes I made it, but I realize I’m all alone
…“Ouch”; as I hit my head on the bedroom floor
Awaken I am, as I realize it was just a dream
Reality hits me in the face as I notice the lesson
‘Be kind to the world. It won’t always return the favour, but it shouldn’t mean you don’t have to try’

It's in the way she moves her hips
It's in the way her lips touch
It's in the way she bites her lower lip,
Oh how my world turns inside out when she does that
It's the way she says my name
In the way she whispers it, "Lefa... "
Sends shivers all over my body, goosebumps all over again

Problem is, she is taken. Unavailable

It's in the way she looks at me
All the whole new universe inside those eyes I could just get lost in
It's in the way she smiles at me
Just can't help but shy away

It's in the way she wakes all the once buried feelings,
Back from the dead with no regard whatsoever what people might say
It's in the way she makes everything around just lose sense

I know its been years but I can still feel her touch,
Soft, warm feeling

One look at her and I find myslef in high school all over again
Can still remember the very first time I laid eyes on her
Priceless, all words needed to describe her
Short stature
German-cut hairstyle
Gold earrings
Furnished with a smile
Grasshopper shoes
Short grey skirt
One hand in the pocket
Complete with the swing of her small waist when she moves
Still takes my breath away

There is still one problem, she's a taken woman

Maybe I waited a little too long
Maybe it wasn't the right time then
Is it right now?
Maybe I need a hard slap to put some sense back into me
Because right now, I'm deeply in love with a married woman
The worst problem is, I think she's in love with me too..

Remember the first day I came to fetch you, had no idea what was on my mind.
I had no idea what I was doing. No idea whatsoever on what to expect.
I had only seen you once prior to that. But the only thing I knew is that I had to go see you.
Didn't know where on earth you were, I had never been before, but nothing was about to change my mind.
As I got on the driveway thoughts and thoughts and feelings came rushing through my mind with no regard whatsoever that I was driving.
My heart started beating, slowly and gradually increasing.
What was I thinking? It was late; but that was not just about to stop me.
Got lost on the way, found myself deep in a foreign place to me, with no GPS nothing, but I wasn't about to turn back when I was just a whisker away.
Eventually arrived, and the moment I gazed upon you, standing there at the gate waiting, I started to tremble.
This time it was not fear but excitement.
Like I was dreaming.
You just like that agreed to come with me home.
On our way to my place I tried my all not to show any emotion, tried acting normal, but **** it wasn't easy; your beauty could easily distract a conductor off the rails. But I managed.
I touched your hand, you didn't move it.
I held it, you held mine too.
Got our fingers intertwined and sent my fever to FIVE times normal temperature.
Sent my heart to heaven and back.
Because even though I didn't have you then, I knew heavens had found the lost piece of the puzzle to my heart.
I knew I had found a Queen to My Kingdom, Our Kingdom.
And I knew what I held right there and there, I was never gonna let go.
That's the day I had you...the day I found home...

This is nothing new.
Kids are not the same, just as you and your neighbor or friend are not the same, so stop comparing us.
I'll admit it, generations have changed dramatically. I can try to blame technology or media or whatever the case may be, but we are not as strong as you guys were. Our physique and mental capacity are nowhere near strong as yours were.
Nowadays you can't simply chase your kid out and tell them to go defend themselves every time they get bullied. Bullying nowadays doesn't just end physically, it follows you on social media.
We die in silence because we got nobody to talk to, because we are scared of being judged by our own parents.
We not attention seekers, we just need you to get to know us. Know what we go through everyday, at home, school, work. Listen to us, dont judge. Give us motherly/fatherly love and advice.
Maybe yes, depression is a White People illness, but have you seen the stats? It's killing us too.
SAVE US!

Sincerely
# DyingInSilence

Her Story

She was just a Village girl,
Forever counting the countless stars
in the hopes that her golden dream would shine
just as brght

But all my reality showed her
was a
Dull
Damp
And Diminishing hope
for any change,

See, She was just a Village girl,
Dreaming loud and proud of her
Golden Husband

But all reality showed her
was
Sipho next door
sipping on some smooth
Milk

so, She ran.
Passing surprised, suppressed
faces
until She reached the city of GOLD.

And for a change reality showed her something
GOLDEN.

She assumed too soon,
see, her  Golden tiled floors
were dark  tarred roads

Her Golden roof
was a CBD Bridge

Her Golden painted walls
were graffiti  painted pillars

Her golden husband
Who was more dust than gold,

Picked her from the gravel,
Told her that she radiated beauty
that her chocolate skin  put him in a constant chocolate high,

But soon that was all gone,
See, she was changing

Her skin went from purple to black even blue too
Her body di'composed
Each muscle swelling, aching, bruising
Her
golden husband
who was more dust than gold
turned into  a brutal
being. Beating...Beating...her.


So she ran.
passing surprised suppressed faces until she returned  home.

My simplicity was not enough for you
You wanted me to write metaphysical poems
But couldn't you physically see that my simple being
was a metaphor on its own.

This artistry in its simplest form
its purest form
standing before you.

Powerless yet so powerful. My potential is left untapped. Greatness  unwrapped.

Placing a mask to fit in. " but how long will it last"

But the best part of all if this is your ignorance to all of this.
Your lack of care has made you inner being question its importance. I shouldn't care.
Yet I care
So much that every word you utter is tattooed onto my memory and re-ingraved every time I think of you.
You. Sir ma'am boy sister. Recognize your power
Stay  woke when when you vibrate. Recognize your energy because that stuff is contagious.

Don't cloud my aura with your pleague of self hate.
Love yourself.

Where has your soul gone to?
Why do your writs smell of blood?
Why are you numb to feeling?      

Soulless
Bleeding                                              ­    
Numb

Society.

Sequestered I am
Heart bleeding out
A lump in my throat
A scar cut too deep
Left out
I search for my own closet
Broken
Pieces so many I can't feel any peace
The pace of my pulse seems to be slowing down
The load is too much
I've lost my craves
Self esteem crushed
I can hear the walls gossiping about me
Everyone that laughs seems to be laughing at me
My soul demands to go
Could someone reach out for me
No they mock
So I meet my demands

I envy you because you have both parents
But you mistreat them
I envy you because you were given a chance for education
But you bunk classes just to smoke drugs
I envy you because you have a roof over your head
But you choose to throw unauthorized parties
I envy you because you have something called a “room”
And yet you’ve turned it into a *** lounge
I envy you because you are fertile but you keep on taking abortions
I envy you because you have a high ***** count
But you mistreat your children
I envy you because you always have food on your plate
But then you complain on how it tastes bad and you throw it away
I envy you because you have a grand mother
Yet you say she lacks wisdom and is boring you with her endless fairytales
I envy you because you have clothes
Yet you complain and say you want ripped jeans and ripped t-shirts
I envy you because you still have your face and it isn’t ruined
But then you are busy destroying and covering it with makeup
I envy you because you’ve got a chance to celebrate Christmas
But you complain on how it always takes place at the same venue
I envy you because you do not know life
Yet you you walk around mocking people like you own the world
I envy you because you are not me

I WISH I HAD THE PRIVILEGES THAT YOU HAVE.